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The Wedding Miracle – Hashem Makes Every Wedding!

It was a typical day in the life of the Mitzvah Man. By now, our readers realize that no day for the Mitzvah Man is typical. The Mitzvah Man and the hundreds of Mitzvah Man Organization volunteers know to expect the unexpected. Doing hesed is their focus. What they do to earn a living does not define them.

On one “typical” day it was the Mitzvah Man who answered the ringing phone. On the other end was a woman named Annie. Her voice was choked with tears, and her words were not coherent.

The Mitzvah Man told Annie softly, “Please calm down. I can’t understand you. But don’t worry. You made the right call. With Hashem’s Help, everything will be fine. Take a deep breath and tell me why you called.”

The Mitzvah Man has become accustomed to frantic calls, but something in Annie’s voice told him this would be something unusual.

Annie tried her best to explain the situation in a clear voice, “My daughter’s wedding is in danger of being cancelled! We have been scrimping and saving to afford a modest affair. The pandemic has killed us financially. Now even the simple wedding we planned is looking like it’s impossible to do!”

The Mitzvah Man responded, “Annie, don’t worry. Hashem protects the hatan (groom) and kallah (bride). The wedding can’t possibly be cancelled. Tell me, how much do you need?”

Annie responded, “We are short $5,000. The manager of the wedding hall called today. The hall reservation and the catering service will be cancelled if we don’t come up with the money by next week! We also have no arrangements for music.”

“Annie don’t worry. We will figure something out” he assured her.

The Mitzvah Man hung up the phone and turned to Hashem, “I don’t see how in the world am I going to do this. Please help me.”

The Mitzvah Man has learned from being involved seriously in doing hesed that Divine Providence is always evident and that the more emunah and bitachon he has, the more Hashem provides.

Three hours later he received a call from his friend Jerry. Jerry told the Mitzvah Man, “I just made a fantastic real-estate deal and I’d like to give you $5,000 for your organization with the stipulation that it goes to a needy bride for her wedding.”

The Mitzvah Man was stunned. He answered Jerry, “Yes, there is a wedding coming up for a needy bride! I need this money as soon as possible.” Jerry told him where to pick up the check.

On the way to Jerry’s to pick up the check, someone who the Mitzvah Man did not know loudly called him by name, “Hey, Michael, wait!”

The Mitzvah Man answered the usual, “Can I help you?”

“I am a DJ and I know that you are involved with helping people. I would like to offer my DJ services free of charge for any needy bride’s wedding.” He handed the Mitzvah Man his card.

The wedding was a huge simha! The new couple was able to enter married life with dignity. There was plenty of delicious food and the entertainment was fabulous.

Regardless of who you are and what you can spend – Hashem Makes Everyone’s Wedding!

Sephardic Heritage Museum Organizes “The Ukraine Rescue Mission”

As the devastating Russian conflict rages on, Ukraine’s most vulnerable Jews are in distress and humanitarian needs are continuing to soar. With one of the world’s largest Jewish populations, Ukraine is home to many elderly Jews, including thousands of Holocaust survivors.

The Sephardic Heritage Museum (SHM), together with its global partner agencies, is providing support to help protect the more than 200,000 Jews living in Ukraine.

Last month, the SHM held an emergency meeting to raise funds for Ukrainian Jews living under the cloud of war and to coordinate assistance for those affected. The meeting, chaired by Mr. Harry Adjmi and coordinated by Rabbi Raymond Sultan and SHM’s chairman Mr. Joseph Sitt, brought together over one hundred people, both in-person and via Zoom.

The attendees were addressed by Rabbi and Mrs. Moshe Moskowitz of Kharkiv and Rabbi Moshe Fhima of Pinsk, Belarus, who underlined the overwhelming need for help, and the dire straits of the Jews still in Ukraine.

The project, called The Ukraine Rescue Mission, raised close to $3 million in its first week. This funding has directly helped to rescue and evacuate over 5,000 people from Ukraine into the safety of neighboring countries.

Ongoing support to The Ukraine Rescue Mission is needed to enable SHM to fulfill their mission of evacuating Ukrainian Jews as well as sending funds for those trapped in shelters and synagogues to purchase food, diapers, necessities, and medications from local stores.

Support SHM’s efforts to aid our

Brethren in Ukraine!

To donate funds via credit card go to: Donate – Sephardic Heritage Museum

To find out how to get involved, contact Rabbi Raymond Sultan at: rsultan@theshm.com

One on One with Vivian Farhi

“When I was as young as seven years old, I remember rearranging pillows and decorative objects in my parents’ home when I was bored.  This was my favorite pastime.  Who knew that many years later this would be my passion?”  ~ Vivian Farhi of VivFarhi Designs~

Ellen Geller Kamaras

By the time she turned eleven, Vivian Shabot had already lived in three different countries.

Vivian was born in Aleppo, Syria, the youngest of four children.  Although she was only four years old, Vivian remembers that even then she understood that living in Syria was becoming dangerous for Jews, which pushed her family to flee.

In October 1980, Vivian’s family, her parents Olga and Isaac Shabot, and her siblings, Ezra, Nina, and Rose, left all their belongings and escaped with only the clothes on their backs.  A highly paid coyote smuggled the family through the border into Turkey where they hid for a week until obtaining travel papers to Israel.  “We walked in the dark at night until we reached Turkey. The memory of it is still so clear.  My parents were so excited to be in Israel that they kissed the ground upon exiting the plane.”

The Shabot family initially lived in the biblical city of Yavneh and then settled in Bat Yam, remaining in Israel for seven years.

“My parents went to ulpan to learn Hebrew and I was fortunate that I picked up the language easily. Most of the Syrian newcomers lived in Bat Yam.”

Vivian’s parents decided to relocate to New York when she was eleven.  They had very little family in Israel, her mother’s relatives were starting to emigrate from Syria to the States, and her sister Nina was getting married and staying in NY.  “I was sad to leave my friends, school, and everything familiar.   Moving to NY and getting acclimated socially and academically were hard for me. I was always a good student and competitive by nature, which motivated me to be the best at all that I do! I had to learn fast, which is what I did.”

Hashgachat Pratit on Ocean Parkway

One Shabbat, while strolling on Ocean Parkway with friends, Vivian spotted David Farhi, a classmate of her sister Rose from Yeshivah of Flatbush.  David, three years older, is the son of the hazan of Congregation Shaare Zion, Edward Farhi, and Rosa Farhi.  Vivian mentioned to her mother that she had seen David and before she knew it, a mutual friend had set them up.  The date went beautifully, and six months later they were married.

Married for twenty-five years, the couple is blessed with four sons and one daughter. They live in Brooklyn and are committed to the Syrian community.  Their children are Eddie (24), married to Marcelle Setton, Isaac (22), soon to be married to Amy Gindi, Abie (19), studying in Mikdash Melech in Israel, Rosie (15), who attends Ilan High School, and Solomon (10), in fifth grade at Flatbush Yeshivah.

Vivian’s Essence

At my request, Vivian asked her family, friends, and clients to describe her in one word.  Her loved ones came up with: selfless, thoughtful, compassionate, meticulous, and resilient. Clients said she was kind, warm, friendly, patient, understanding, detail oriented, motivated, a go-getter, and hardworking.

Vivian admits that she is very reserved and shy by nature, which most people don’t know. She had to stretch herself when she launched her design business.

Motherhood

Vivian was passionate about dedicating her time and energy to being a stay-at-home mom.  She offered to volunteer at Flatbush Yeshivah when her oldest was in third grade.  Starting with the lunch program, Vivian enjoyed sneaking a peek to see how her kids were interacting with their classmates.  She was asked to assist with other events and to join the Ladies Auxiliary  committee.  She worked on tuition fundraisers and other projects, leading up to her involvement with the annual Chinese Auction and being a co-chair with Naomi Houllou, a’h, Ladies Auxiliary President, for four years.

VivFarhi Designs Is Born

Ten years ago, around the time their son Solomon was born, Vivian and David were fortunate to build a new home.  It was Vivian’s immersion in their own home’s building process that led to her career and VivFarhi Designs.

“I became very involved, from the layout of the space of my home to designing my own ceiling pattern.  I wanted to build the dream home for my family even though we were on a tight budget. It was up to me to turn my vision into a reality! I truly enjoyed the project, and I was surprised by how natural it all felt.”

After completing her own home design, Vivian advised friends who were renovating or building their own homes.  It became a constant in her life, and she began posting design pictures on her Instagram page. Someone approached her with an offer to pay her for a small renovation. Her husband encouraged her to take the job and from then on word spread about Vivian’s talents.  “I would take each design job, big or small, and put all my efforts into it.”

Vivian’s big break came when her friends were building their summer home and insisted on hiring her to design and decorate their home from top to bottom. “This project gave me amazing confidence and every aspect felt so exciting. I took on many challenges and learned many new skills along the way. It was surreal when the family moved into their dream home that I helped create. I brought my passion for decor and an eye for design to achieve beautiful yet functional interior spaces.”

Although Vivian realized that she had gained experience and knowledge by hands-on design projects, she determined to seek formal training in interior design.  Her dilemma was that most of the classes were given late in the afternoon, and she would not be there to welcome her kids after a long day at school.

Family Support

Vivian’s husband and older children were extremely supportive and insisted that she sign up to attend the New York School of Interior Design.  “Everyone chipped in and made it easy for me to let go. My daughter made me a sign that said, ‘Mommy’s first day of school’ with the date, as I did for my kids on the first and last day of each grade. David and the children are so happy for me and are proud of my professional accomplishments.”

Vivian is a voracious learner, always aiming to enhance what she can offer her clients. She is an out of the box designer, who seeks inspiration everywhere. Vivian sees possibilities in ordinary things and integrates them in her designs.

Transition to Interior Designer

Vivian’s life had always revolved around her family’s schedules. Her biggest challenge was remaining present for her children. Her solution: she woke up earlier and planned and organized her time more efficiently including meal preparation and family commitments.

As Vivian acquired new skills her career evolved into a passion.  Her clients appreciate that Vivian is sensitive to their lifestyle and their budget. Vivian works as a team player and partners with architects and contractors to achieve the clients’ goals.

Vivian has no regrets about starting a career path later in life. “My kids are my proudest accomplishment. Taking on a profession after most of my kids were grown was the best and right decision for me. I wanted to dedicate all I had to offer to my husband and children. I wanted to be present for my children. Hashem knew when the time was right for me.”

Vivian’s Brand

Vivian approaches each project as a new canvas.  “I interview each client, getting to know them and their lifestyle.  Each client is unique and requires a different style and approach. I’m very sensitive to each client’s budget and I want each client to get the most of what their budget allows and to live in their dream home.  It’s a balance.  I insist on quality work and high-quality materials.

It’s a big responsibility and I don’t take spending other people’s money lightly. Each family has its own lifestyle, and their home should reflect that.  I strive to make the home esthetics beautiful but also practical and functional. Choosing the right materials and textiles is key.”

Vivian’s work lights her up and she thrives on employing her imagination.  “It never feels like work, and I love taking the stress off the client and seeing things come to life. I also value the new bonds formed while working with clients and close friendships that resulted from professional relationships.  I thank Hashem for connecting me with people I would never have met otherwise. ”

She loves reading books and relaxing with her husband and children, especially on Shabbat. She also enjoys Pilates and jogging. “Long walks with my husband are the best.”

Vivian’s Parting Advice

“If you are passionate about something or not 100 percent sure, try it, even if it seems scary. Don’t let naysayers dissuade you, or have you believe that you aren’t good enough. Finding your passion takes hard work and may not be easy but the result is so amazing and satisfying. It’s never too late to be the best that you can be.”

Connect with Vivian by phone (718-208-0585), email: vivfarhi@yahoo.com or on Instagram @vivfarhidesigns.

Dear Jido – March 2022

Dear Jido,
At the playground recently, my kids and I ran into a family we are friendly with. While normally
that would have been great for everyone, I knew that the child we were seeing had stayed home sick from school that day. What would be the best way to handle this to keep my kids healthy but also not insult these friends?

Signed,

Covid Confused

Dear Confused,

I was going to send you an answer but then they changed some of the rules. So, I rewrote the
answer. But before I could send it in, they changed the rules again. When I prepared my third
revision, they told me that the rules were going to be changing with the new Governor, then the new Mayor, and then that the CDC and LDH’s were going to take over jurisdiction of what the
proper and necessary precautions are for each local area.

In addition, I understand that the Supreme Court has overruled OSHA’s vaccine mandate and more changes are likely to come.

Therefore, I think it is very acceptable to tell your friends, “Sorry, I hope you don’t mind, but we’re just being extra careful.”

Be well, stay healthy.

Jido

Hope Springs Eternal and Spring Brings Hope

The saying “Hope springs eternal” has come to mean that as humans, we keep on hoping against all odds.
Gratitude and Forgiveness
As I live and learn, I joyfully discover that Jews have invented many popular and even trendy practices. Let’s start with gratitude. Our daily news feeds recommend expressing thankfulness to one’s family or spouse and reciting or journaling about three things we are grateful for as a morning, dinner, or bedtime ritual. Tips for getting through the pandemic and decreasing anxiety almost always included a gratitude routine. This exercise of gratitude originated with the tefilla Modeh Ani, which we say first thing in the morning when thanking Hashem for returning our souls to us upon waking.
I recently heard Michal Oshman, executive and author, say that Jews also invented forgiveness. As Jews, we believe in free will, we are responsible for our actions, and we emphasize the importance of seeking forgiveness from those we have wronged and doing teshuva (repentance).
Psychologists and religious leaders advocate that forgiving others by letting go of anger and hurt allows us to heal ourselves. Therefore, forgiveness can lead to optimism and hope.

Jews Invented Hope
Renowned scholar Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, a”h, proposed that Jews invented hope.

Rabbi Sacks’s theory was based on the Jewish fundamental belief in human freedom, “We are what we choose to be.” Rabbi Sacks wrote, “Humans are the only life form who can use the future tense. Only beings who can imagine the world other than it is, are capable of freedom.”

“To be a Jew is to be an agent of hope in a world… threatened by despair. Every ritual, every mitzvah, every syllable of the Jewish story… is a protest, against… resignation or the blind acceptance of fate. Judaism is a sustained struggle… against the world that is, in the name of the world that could be, should be, but is not yet… when human beings have sought hope, they have found it in the Jewish story. Judaism is the religion, and Israel the home, of hope.
Remember Avraham Avinu, who was asked to begin a new life and Moshe, who Hashem chose to lead B’nai Yisrael back to freedom and to their homeland. After the Shoah, Jews focused forward and named Israel’s national anthem Hatikvah, “The Hope.”
You too can be an agent of hope. Think about what positive actions you can take this spring, when equipped with these wonderful resources in your spiritual and mental toolbox – gratitude, forgiveness, and hope.
Spring is a time for change, rebirth, and renewal. Spring means getting outdoors and seeing things bloom, including our spirits and happiness levels.

Are You Ready To…

Shake off those winter cobwebs? Eliminate those personal weeds – bad habits or unhealthy attitudes.
Stretch yourself? Consider a different exercise routine, clean eating, or learn a new skill.
Let go of an old grudge? Replace negative thoughts and habits with positive ones.

Riddles – March 2022

Riddle: Hairy Situation

Submitted by Carol T.

A woman describes her daughters, saying, “They are all blonde, but two; all brunette but two; and all red-headed but two.” How many daughters does she have?

 

Last Month’s Riddle: Shopping Spree

Morris walked into a hardware store and asked the price of some items. The salesman said: One costs $1, Eight costs $1, Seventeen cost $2, One hundred four costs $3 and One thousand seventy two costs $4. What was Morris buying?

Solution: Morris was buying home address numbers and they cost $1 per digit.

Solved by: Ira Rabinowitz, Big Mike, The Tawil Family, and Sophia H.

 

Junior Riddle: Measured in Hours

Submitted by Nathan D.

My life can be measured in hours, I serve by being devoured. Thin, I am quick. Fat, I am slow. Wind is my foe. What am I?

 

Last Month’s Junior Riddle: What Am I?

If you drop me I’m sure to crack, but give me a smile and I’ll always smile back. What am I?

Solution: A mirror!

Solved by: Rosa Husney, Ira Rabinowitz, The Shmulster, The Tawil Family, The Big Cheese, Sophia H., Audrey Cohen, and Gary Franco.

A Heart of Spinach?

The wait for a heart transplant can be excruciatingly long. People die waiting for a donor heart, which becomes available only when someone healthy, who has agreed to donate, passes away. Scientists have been working to develop an artificial heart or heart muscle tissue to prolong the life of people suffering from heart disease until they can get a transplant.

In a paper recently published in the scientific journal Biomaterials, scientists from Polytechnic Institute of Worchester, Massachusetts publicized a medical breakthrough – heart muscle tissue grown in spinach leaves.

Why spinach? The biggest challenge scientists faced until now was growing the tiny tubes for blood vessels in the system that provides blood to the heart tissue. “The most limiting factor preventing the engineering of tissue is the lack of a blood vessel network,” says Joshua Gershlak, one of the authors of the report. “Without such a network the tissue simply dies.”

This is where spinach comes in. Spinach leaves have a network of fine tubes that deliver water and minerals to all the cells in the leaf. The researchers experimented using that network to carry blood to the heart cells. How did they do it? They removed the spinach cells from those fine tubes and were left with a rigid frame of cellulose. Cellulose is skeletal plant matter that works in tandem with the tissue being grown. Cellulose has worked successfully with growing cartilage and bone tissue and with healing wounds.

Researchers placed live human heart cells into the framework of the spinach leaf. This enabled  the tissue to grow using the structure of the leaf for support, and when the tissue reached the stage of a mini heart the researchers introduced blood into the network of the structure to see if the blood would circulate throughout the heart and enable it to live and thrive. These experiments were successful!

This research is still in its infant stages, but researchers say their goal is to replace damaged heart tissue with healthy tissue grown in spinach leaves. Thanks to the tube system of the leaf, these tissues can circulate blood and oxygen to all the cells and help heart patients to recover.

“There’s still much to do but it looks very promising,” says Glen Godet a member of the research team. “Matching up common plants that we have had for thousands of years and using them to engineer the growth of tissue can solve a lot of the problems that presently limit this field.”

Is ADHD Really a Superpower?

When I was younger, my mom schlepped me from one public school building to another for testing and evaluations, in order to provide me with services she felt I needed. On one occasion, she brought me somewhere else – to a psychiatrist who tested my ability to focus.

I was diagnosed with ADD – attention deficit disorder, which explained my experiences in the classroom. These memories are a blur, but I remember that I lived for bathroom breaks, lunch, and art – in other words, for those times where you weren’t expected to stay focused.

ADD and ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) have since been recognized as one and the same, and are now both simply referred to as ADHD. In my experience, however, I was never hyperactive, so I prefer sticking to the original term – ADD. This term is often used casually to humorously describe inattentiveness that all people have on occasion. Someone might say, for example, “I couldn’t sit through that movie, I was so ADD.” But as common as this phenomenon is, ADD is no joking matter. I struggled with it through childhood and adulthood, and continue to deal with it every day.

I openly talk about my learning disability on my Instagram. I have a platform so that other people who struggle with it, or parents of ADD children, realize that they aren’t alone, and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I tell my story on social media, and I’ll tell some of it here, to show how ADD can be channeled, and that the diagnosis even has upsides. (Note the word “diagnosis.” Treat ADD in whichever way works for you, but the first step is testing to avoid being mistakenly labeled “stupid” or something similar.)

My classmates in elementary school viewed me as dumb. My teachers viewed me as “the bright girl with great respect for teachers who needs to apply herself more.” My report card read all C’s – higher than what I deserved, because the teachers figured I might as well pass to the next grade and be someone else’s problem. By the time I completed 8th grade, I had zero confidence. Once a happy, bubbly little girl, I was buried by shame and a sense of failure. No high schools wanted me. Finally, one day, my mom told me that Bay Ridge Prep had accepted me into their bridge program. A high school wanted ME! It wasn’t what I wanted, but my parents knew that I would maintain my religious observance there, and they had no other choice, so that’s where they sent me.

This school picked me up, dusted me off, and showed me that I was good enough. With small classroom settings, and by catering to the individual needs of each student, I thrived. By tenth grade, I was moved out of the bridge program and into mainstream classes.

A big part of my success was medication, which I began taking already in elementary school. It’s not a solution for everyone, but amphetamine really works well for me. Many people frown upon medicating ADD kids, but in my view, denying medication to those whom it could help is akin to denying eyeglasses to a child who cannot see the board. I have a neurodevelopmental disorder, and scientists made a drug to help correct it. I have no shame.

Baruch Hashem, I was able to attend The Fashion Institute of Technology, and received good grades. I took advantage of the resources the school had to offer me. It had something it called the FIT-ABLE office for students like me, with its own quiet computer room, and a program whereby classmates could be paid to take notes for challenged students, among other things.

There were a few bumps moving into adulthood. It took me a while to realize I needed the medication for real life too, and not just for classes and exams. Once I figured that out, the game changed. I became a writer, and ultimately opened up my own photography business. I still take medication often, but I no longer need it every day, because I’m able to learn from the organizational skills I have built. I set reminders on my phone for important things, and I make lists and lists of things that must get done.

When I asked on my Instagram if anyone had a story to share, so many people reached out. But, alas, this is an article, not a book, so I could not bring them all. I present below how three community members describe their journeys living with, or having a child living with, ADD or ADHD.

Tunie A.

I would pay no attention in class, as I was busy doing other things like doodling or passing notes, which really upset my teachers. Only in 9th grade was I tested and diagnosed with ADHD.

My school pushed and pushed my mother to medicate me. She held off even testing me for a while, because she felt it was up to the school to figure out how to teach me instead of blaming me for not keeping up. Ultimately, I tried many different medications, one after another, but they made me feel awful. They would keep me up at night, mess with my mood, make me unable to eat, and nauseous. It was a real struggle. Finally, I decided it wasn’t for me.

What ultimately helped me was my school making a smaller class for me and other students like me. The class had only five students. When the teacher lectured, she wrote down what she was saying as she said it, which really helped me. In a normal class, if I was trying to write notes and missed something the teacher said, I would be so distracted, thinking about what I missed. This way, all the material was right there for me, making it much easier to keep up.

As an adult, ADHD is just something I live with, and now that I’m not in school, it’s much less debilitating.

Sarah R. 

My ADD is pretty severe, but I’m not hyperactive at all. If anything, I’m the opposite – I can sit still for hours. It’s my mind that can’t sit still. At my worst, I can be in the middle of a sentence and completely lose my train of thought. If someone is talking to me, one word can trigger me and set my mind thinking about something else entirely, leaving the other person and what they had to say behind, no longer on my radar.

My earliest classroom memory was in first grade, when the teacher tried solving the problems I was having by placing me in the back of the class, figuring that if I was isolated, with no one to talk to, I would focus more and not talk to and distract other kids. Little did she know that she was effectively putting me in Lala land. I would bring in small toys and allow my mind to wander, as it naturally did.

Over the next few years, I floated on by. My teachers gave me C’s to keep me moving through the school system. I felt they knew I was smart, but something was off. Back then, learning disabilities weren’t so commonly discussed. So me and my very pronounced ADD flew under the radar.

When I was in high school, I started noticing that I was different. My parents dismissed it, and I can’t say why. It wasn’t until I was 29, after taking 7.5 years to complete a four-year bachelor degree program, that my parents woke up. They listened to some doctor on the radio who said that adults with undiagnosed ADHD can feel very unaccomplished, and it can cause debilitating issues. A lightbulb went off, and they told me I must get tested and find out once and for all.

I was diagnosed with ADD at 29 years old, and a psychiatrist prescribed Adderall. It took time to nail down the right dosage, but once we did, it changed me. Sometimes I wonder what I could have accomplished had I known sooner, but Hashem has a path for us all. I went from being disorganized, struggling, and even unkept, to being a productive, organized, responsible, and put-together adult. I am capable of so much more now, even on the days I choose not to medicate, because I have better coping skills. I suppose the lesson here is, better late than never! Oh –  and test your kids! It can only help!

Daniella H.

Ever since toddlerhood, Jacob was always a ball of energy, very hyperactive. As he attended school, the first real red flag I noticed was his difficulty making friends. He unfortunately lacks social skills, and doesn’t know how to initiate play or nurture friendships. Along with social difficulties, Jacob has emotional struggles, as well. He has a hard time regulating his emotions, lacks impulse control, and can get really close to other children’s faces, not understanding the boundaries of personal space. The teachers all say generally similar things – “He’s so bright, so smart, knows so many things, but socially…”

As a parent, this can be so frustrating. I’m a special education teacher myself, and so I understand it, but as a parent, it’s so hard to practically anticipate the negative in every call from a teacher. Just once it would be nice to get a call that was only focused on my child’s positive attributes. It can be heartbreaking enough for a parent knowing how much the child struggles to relate to his peers, so some comfort from teachers feels like the least they can do.

At the age of six, Jacob was tested and diagnosed with ADHD. When the psychiatrist first recommended medication, I was strongly opposed. I felt he was too young, and that we should give him some time. Now, two years later, having seen little to no progress, I reached the point of action.

I’m currently trying and considering trying several different strategies. He’s been in the same school since nursery, and I’m thinking that a change of environment would be beneficial, for many reasons. He’s interviewed with a smaller school that focuses on developing the whole child, not just academics. They haven’t made their decision yet, but I’m hoping they will accept him for next year. If that doesn’t work out, then I’m thinking of moving him to a different class. I have a meeting scheduled with the school to discuss possible solutions. I feel as though they can be doing more to support him. I’m not sure what that is or what it will look like, but I’m quite certain that more can be done, and I’m hoping we’ll figure out some sort of plan. Lastly, but certainly not least, I’m considering medication in conjunction with counseling. The medication may or may not work for him, but I’d like to give it a chance. Counseling will hopefully give him coping strategies to help catch himself before his anger level gets too high and we have to go through the emotional rollercoaster of calming him down, and to self soothe and regulate emotions before they get out of hand. Now that he’s a little older, I’m less afraid of medication and more hoping to help my child with whatever tools and resources are available to us.

In conclusion, I thought it would be helpful to mention some symptoms of ADD and ADHD in order to make people aware of what to look out for. Although ADHD manifests itself differently in different people, common symptoms include: impulsivity, disorganization, problems prioritizing, difficulty focusing, trouble multitasking, excessive activity or restlessness, poor planning, low frustration tolerance, and procrastination.

I should also point out the advantages of this condition. Personally, now that I’ve been managing my ADD appropriately, I think of it as less of a liability and more of a valuable asset. But it’s not just me. According to a recent article in Medical News Today.com, “Many people view the benefits of ADHD as ‘superpowers’ because they are additional skills that their neurotypical counterparts do not have. ADHD gifts people a unique perspective on the world that those without ADHD are unlikely to understand.” The article mentions numerous strong attributes that people with ADHD tend to display, such as the ability to hyper-focus, and resilience, developed through their having to overcome serious challenges in their youth. Creativity is also seen as a great advantage, because they approach tasks differently and become great problem solvers. They also tend to think unusually because of their different perspectives. Additionally, many folks with ADHD have great conversational skills. Other qualities often shared by ADHD patients include spontaneity, courage, and high energy.

I do not suffer from all the usual symptoms of ADHD, but I do identify with all the so-called ADHD “super powers.” Over time, I’ve grown to love these things about myself, and learning that they are “side effects,” if you will, of my condition has made me grateful for my ADD. I’m not downplaying the struggle, but rather just pointing out the bright side. Maybe having an alternative approach, not stressing too much over academics, thinking about the long-term benefits, and doing your best can really help transform ADHD from a liability into a precious asset.

If you’d like to continue this discussion with me, share a positive outcome of this article, such as a diagnosis, or offer any comments, I’d love to hear from you! Feel free to reach out to me on Instagram @friedaschwekyphoto or via email Frieda@sephardic.org.

Summer Camp Conundrum

“Hey, where are you going to camp this summer?”
This question is already being thrown around by kids in our schools. These words may cause parents to wonder how they will swing camp expenses, especially if they took a financial hit due to Covid. Many parents ask themselves: what are the alternatives to a fun-filled (yet pricey) camp experience? Even highly creative parents admit they can provide lots of love and fun for their children, but they cannot offer the group experience, the feeling of camaraderie that comes with the camp experience, or the camp beit midrash experience for their boys.
And even if the parents have the time and energy to create a non-camp summer experience for their kids, in the end it might even be more expensive to provide entertainment for their kids on a daily basis. And, of course, all parents recognize the peer pressure our kids feel. If everyone in the class is going to the same camp, your kid will want to go there too! – even if a less expensive camp might even be better. Kids want to be with their friends. And, most parents will remember their own fond camp memories, and recognize that summer camp not only makes for great memories, but also helps kids to blossom in a non-school setting.
No one needs to survey community parents about their thoughts about the costs of sending their kids to camp. The talk on the street is that camp is a bit expensive. Instead, Community Magazine spoke to the organizers of three different camps our kids attend. We interviewed Rabbi Eliyahu Levy (Director, YDE’s Camp Darcheinu), Rabbi Leon Cohen (Director, Camp Maxx), and Rabbi Norman Cohen (Director, Camp M & N (Max & Norman)) to understand what is driving the higher prices, and what their challenges are in providing safe, kosher fun, and learning experiences for our community children.
Rising Prices All Over
The reality is that there are surprising reasons why this upcoming season will be even more expensive. For example, when Camp Maxx Director Rabbi Leon Cohen called to reserve one of his campers’ favorite outings, he was disappointed to learn that the entrance fee had increased over thirty percent. And that increase was tame compared to some others. Camp directors have their sights set on high adventure and exciting activities, such a white-water rafting, jet skiing, American Dream, and rollerblading, just to name a few. Our kids work hard in school. We want them to have these wonderful experiences. We shudder to think of them lounging at home plugged into electronic devices all summer. We want them to get out and interact with others and to share exhilarating experiences, great learning, and fun sports. However, these things are costly, and are becoming more so. Since Covid, prices have increased across the board for basics such as buses, swimming facilities, and staff. Some estimate prices have increased to as much as forty percent.
Subsequently, camp directors feel they have no choice but to increase their camp fees accordingly, albeit reluctantly. Trying to juggle higher prices and cutting costs wherever possible is a challenge for anyone trying to run a camp for this coming summer. How can they possibly provide the best programs, which children and parents demand, while keeping fees manageable?
Community Camps
Community camps like YDE’s Camp Darcheinu have always had a somewhat easier time meeting financial challenges. With a stable camp population, director Rabbi Eliyahu Levy always kept prices down. He offers parents the choice of declining bus pick-up and drop-off. Moreover, he keeps prices for overnight trips separate, enabling parents to pass on those more expensive outings, which necessarily cost extra, given the costs of overnight accommodations and transportation. It helps that most campers live close to the yeshiva, where the camp is located, and that YDE does not charge rent for their facilities.
Still, Camp Darcheinu’s parents are no longer immune from soaring costs. Rabbi Levy, Head Counselor Rabbi Isaac Shamula, and BN8 Division Head Rabbi Avi Aghai, all rebbes at YDE, are bending over backwards to keep costs as reasonable as possible. The same applies to its girls’ and preschool divisions, run under the direction of Mrs. Mazi Haddad Sultan and Mrs. Esther Faham.
Reasonable fees and the strong sense of community catapulted Camp Darcheinu into the success it has become. It went from seventy boys their first year in 2015 to about 500 campers today, which includes girls and preschoolers.
Staff Challenges
However, not only Covid is to blame for higher camp fees. Finding good, reliable staff members has become more difficult. “The number of people willing to work has gone down significantly,” Rabbi Levy says. “Not long ago, teenage boys were happy to make a few hundred dollars working for us; now they can make more working in a warehouse. Whereas before, they saw the summer as a time when they could have fun; now, they look at these months as an opportunity to make money.”
So, what to do?
“We learned that less is more,” Rabbi Aghai explains. “We used to hire eight to ten counselors per fifty campers, but with so many counselors around, few wanted to take responsibility; they expected others to do their job.”
Today, at Camp Darcheinu they hire two counselors per 18–20 kids, and three Division Heads to oversee the counselors. The Division heads are married men in their twenties and early thirties, responsible for maintaining the dynamics of the camp. Because the Division Heads and the rebbeim are primarily from YDE and know the boys and the mentality well, they keep the vibes just right.
Subsequently, they have no problem finding enough boys to do the job. And, despite earning less than they would in a pizza shop or warehouse, most would not trade jobs. “They have a fun time. We take them out to dinner and integrate them well into the entire camp environment,” Rabbi Shamula says.
More importantly, the counselors learn responsibility and develop maturity within a fun-filled Torah environment, lessons not readily acquired elsewhere. It’s a win-win situation. “We get the most out of them, and they get the most out of us,” he says.
Jersey Shore Camps
Camps serving the Jersey Shore are equally affected by the steep hikes in prices due to Covid and changes in attitudes of potential staff. Camp Maxx is one such example. Ten years old, it has about one hundred campers from grades one through nine.
Located in the Jewish Community Center in Deal, most activities are on-campus. The center boasts basketball courts, professional hockey rinks, baseball fields, and indoor and outdoor pools. They have even created their own outdoor 40-foot “slippery slide.” They do not need to bus campers to neighborhood parks and pools, as do other camps. However, they do have to pay for keeping buses on call to pick up and return children to their homes and for their weekly off-campus trips. Since Covid, the cost of the facilities has also increased substantially, as has the cost of the nutritious lunch they serve daily.
However, staff salaries, especially for rebbeim, constitute the bulk of their expenses. Camp Director Rabbi Leon Cohen believes that is as it should be. “To attract experienced and professional rebbeim, it has to be worth their while to give up their summers,” he says.
After all, hiring the right rebbeim was the initial raison d’etre for the camp itself.
Camp Maxx – Fun, Learning, and Great Staff to the Max
“I wanted my son to maintain the same quality of learning during the summer,” recalls Rabbi Leon Cohen, a rebbe at Hillel Yeshiva and certified educational administrator. “So, I decided to learn with him in the mornings and take him around in the afternoon.” Other like-minded parents asked Rabbi Cohen to include their children, as well.
“We had five boys that summer: My brother and I taught them ourselves. The program was very successful. We maximized the learning and the fun. It was a small group – warm and inviting. That’s how we came up with the name “Camp Maxx.”
How do you maximize the learning and the fun? “We incentivize the children to want to learn better, and we motivate the counselors, who then inspire the campers. When the counselors tune out, the activities fizzle. If the counselors are into the activities, the activities feel different.”
However, hiring the right counselors is, of course, equally critical; they must embody the warmth and spirit of the camp. Today, most of them are Camp Maxx alumni. Still, there are challenges in accommodating their yeshiva schedules: As Torah learners, some only arrive in Deal or return to their yeshivot – whether in Israel or Lakewood – after the camp starts or before it finishes. Therefore, flexibility remains the name of the game.
“My Head Counselor, R’ Shabtai Heller and I, accommodate their schedules because these are some of our best counselors. We also hire more counselors than we need so that we aren’t left short and because these young men (ages 18-20 and up) incorporate the enthusiasm that we need.”
To keep campers safe, a counselor and junior counselor oversee every fifteen children.

Camp M&N – Quality Rebbeim and Counselors Make All the Difference
Rabbi Norman Cohen, Director of Camp M&N (Max and Norman), also believes in hiring outstanding rebbeim and counselors and paying them well. Located in Yeshiva Keter Torah, in Eatontown, N.J., Camp M&N is three years old. However, Rabbi Cohen has over twenty years of experience with summer camps, having founded and directed the popular Camp Dan. Rabbi Cohen says that joining up with Max Sutton, known as “Coach Max,” the grandfather of sports in the area, has elevated the camping experience considerably. Max Sutton works at YDE, while Rabbi Cohen teaches at Hillel Yeshiva and is the Assistant Rabbi at Shaare Tefilah of Eatontown. Max’s wife, Rachel Sutton, heads the preschool division.
The camp attracts over 300 campers from preschool (boys and girls) through ninth grade. Boys from grades one onward attend yeshivot throughout Brooklyn and Jersey. They share a love for serious Torah learning and a yeshiva mindset, and they love to have fun, too!
“Everyone attending Camp M&N believes learning is a value,” Rabbi Norman Cohen says. Subsequently, Camp M&N hires only experienced kollel yungerleit or rebbeim (two per grade) with the scholarship and personality to inspire young boys to learn well, which can be especially challenging in the hot days of summer when baseball beckons.
And if that’s not enough, the Learning Director, Rabbi Raymond Falack, a highly popular rebbe in his own right, oversees the learning, ensuring that it is of a high standard and that the children learn to their potential. And if changes in curriculum are needed in order to serve campers’ needs, so be it. “If that particular Gemara is not working for that class, we’ll teach another Gemara or even another sefer,” Rabbi Cohen says. “We’re flexible.”
They must be doing something right because many campers show up at 8:30am to learn mishnayot without any extra incentives!
Camp M&N also has two Head Counselors running the older and younger divisions. They are responsible for scheduling, hiring, ensuring that all the campers are where they should be, and that everything runs smoothly. They look for reliable people who are fun, approachable, and easy-going.
“Good people are not easy to find,” Rabbi Cohen acknowledges, “But, fortunately, most of our Head Counselors and rebbeim have been with me a long time.”
Two counselors and an assistant oversee each group of about fifteen to twenty children. Their counselors are grown men and rebbes – in their 20s and early 30s, whereas assistants are aged sixteen to eighteen. Even though they start work at 11:30am, many counselors show up earlier, setting an example for all the boys. The early birds either learn independently or learn privately with campers who find learning in groups challenging.
Camps Offer Something for Everyone
Camps M&N, Maxx, and Darcheinu in addition to including learning and a wide range of activities are essentially sports camps. Besides swimming, they offer basketball, baseball, and softball. The competition is tough, especially when it comes to the playoffs. Leagues predominate.
But boys who are not into sports are not left out. The camps also offer arts and crafts, woodworking, scavenger hunts, creative fun activities, and field trips. Rabbi Norman Cohen believes in providing his campers with two trips weekly.
“It’s a nice break from leagues, which can be too competitive. It also breaks the week up,” he says.
Campers are challenged to find what appeals to them. Even the most disinterested camper might unearth hidden talents and abilities with the right inspiration and training. Camp M&N boasts the skills of Coach Max Sutton, who has an exuberant way of getting kids involved in sports. “[Even if a kid doesn’t love sports] if he is willing to dip his feet into the water, Max will help him to swim, so to speak,” Rabbi Cohen says.
At Camp Darcheinu, the Division Heads’ responsibility is to encourage and train sports-adverse boys. But Rabbis Levy and Shamula also get their feet wet – literally. They fondly recall a football game they played in the pouring rain, when Rabbi Levy, in his white shirt, got tackled to the ground. This game became a classic – alumni talk about it to this day.
Ask these directors what stands out about their camp. They will point out the camaraderie, achdut, and welcoming spirit. There is also a strong sense of belonging. Rabbi Leon Cohen has seen campers transform over the summer.
“Good camps increase campers’ confidence,” he says. “I’ve seen boys who were not good learners or good at sports suddenly blossom because the counselors and campers warmly welcomed them into the camp. For once, they felt as good as anyone else.”
It is these kinds of benefits and lasting memories that are ultimately priceless.
Conclusion
At the end of the day, we can see that many factors influence the higher costs, and the commitment to provide excellent programming and supervision plus lots of fun (and isn’t that what we all want for our kids?) comes with a price tag. Our conclusion is that although prices seem high, parents are actually getting a lot for their money. Their kids benefit not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually, as well. These are things that we value as a community.

Most Regrettable Quotes

Technological advances in the 20th century changed our world dramatically. A multitude of discoveries and inventions took us from horse and buggy to automobiles and even to space travel. Communications methods made message couriers obsolete, as we moved into telephone and internet communications. And imagine our world without electricity moving from candlelight to nuclear power!

Yet despite the rapid changes in technology, it is amazing how many “experts” failed to recognize the significance of the inventions that have shaped our modern society. Below are some famous quotes from scientists, inventors, business leaders, and media organizations, that illustrate just how wrong some people “in the know” can be.

 

“I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.”

Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943

 

“Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.”

Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

 

“But what…is it good for?”

Engineer at the Advanced Computing Division of IBM 1968, commenting on the microchip

 

“This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.”

Western Union internal memo, 1876

 

“The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?”

David Sarnoff’s associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s

 

“The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C,’ the idea must be feasible.”

A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith’s paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service (which became FedEx)

 

“I don’t know what use anyone could find for a machine that would make copies of documents. It certainly couldn’t be a feasible business by itself.”

The head of IBM, refusing to back the idea, forcing the inventor to found Xerox

 

“Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.”

Marechal Ferdinand Foch, a French general and military theorist, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.

 

“Louis Pasteur’s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.”

Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872

 

“640K ought to be enough for anybody.”

Bill Gates, 1981

 

“Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific advances.”

Dr. Lee DeForest, father of radio and grandfather of television

 

“The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives.”

Admiral William Leahy, US Atomic Bomb Project

 

“A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make.”

Response to Debbi Fields’ idea of starting Mrs. Fields’ Cookies.

 

“The supercomputer is technologically impossible. It would take all of the water that flows over Niagara Falls to cool the heat generated by the number of vacuum tubes required.”

Professor of Electrical Engineering, New York University