70.9 F
New York
Sunday, May 11, 2025
spot_img
Home Blog Page 97

Need Money? No Problem!

A person with bitachon does not worry about money. The Chovot HaLevavot (Shaar Bitachon) writes that if one trusts Hashem to provide his parnassah, then his livelihood is guaranteed.

People worry about how they will meet their expenses even many years before the money needs to be paid. It is important to remember that Hashem always provides one’s needs., but He does not necessarily provide the money well in advance of when it is needed. A man came to Rav Yitzchak Zev Soloveitchik, the Brisker Rav, to ask for a berachah before he embarked on a fund-raising trip to the United States. The Brisker Rav asked him why he was traveling abroad to raise money.

“Is there not enough money here in Israel?” the Brisker Rav asked.

“I’ve been trying to raise money here,” the man said, “but it hasn’t been working.”

“When is the money due?” the Rabbi asked.

“In three weeks,” the man replied.

“Three weeks?! You’re worried now about a payment due in three weeks? The money for my yeshivah usually comes in only the day before it is due!”

Rav Yosef Shlomo Kahaneman, the Ponevezher Rav, told that once he wanted to open a school, and there was an available property that was being sold for 100,000 rubles. The Ponevezher Rav did not have anywhere near this amount, but the owner of the property desperately needed cash, so he made the Rabbi an offer. He would sell the property for just 50,000 rubles if the Rabbi could pay 25,000 rubles up front, and the rest within three weeks. If the Rabbi did not pay the balance within three weeks, the landowner said, the deposit would be forfeited.

The Ponevezher Rav consulted with his wife, and they decided that this school was so vital for the community that it was worth taking the risk. They paid the man 25,000 rubles that they had received from their parents to help them with expenses, and they assumed that once the word got out about the new school the donations would be forthcoming.

Unfortunately, these hopes never materialized. The night before the balance was due, on a Motza’ei Shabbat, the Ponevezher Rav turned to Hashem and said, “Hashem. I did my hishtadlut (effort); I leave the rest in Your hands.” He then went to the bet midrash to learn, and he would later describe the joy he felt during those hours spent engrossed in learning, feeling as though a heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders.

He returned home from the bet midrash at 2am, and much to his surprise, two of the town’s wealthiest men were standing by his door.

“Sorry for coming so late,” they told the Rabbi, “but we just completed making a shidduch, and we would like to entrust the money for the young couple – 25,000 rubles – with you.”

“Sure,” the rabbi answered, “but do I have your permission to use the money if I need it? I will the pay it back within six months of receiving notice.”

The men agreed, and the next day the rabbi brought the money to the landowner to complete the purchase of the property. When he returned home, he was told that the shidduch between the two wealthy families had been broken. Over the next several months, he raised the 25,000 rubles he needed to repay the money.

We have to place our trust in Hashem, and realize that he is capable of providing, often in ways we would never expect or imagine.

Challenges When Selling Your Home

Aside from the usual challenges of selling a house, an extra wrinkle occurs when dealing with people who have lived in the same home for many years, as they have had a long time to develop an attachment to their home. It is very understandable due to the memories they have created over the years, such as bar mitzvahs, weddings, seeing their kids grow, etc. These things can make people feel sentimental. So, when they are selling their home, letting go of their sentimental attachment can make the process emotionally taxing. They could want a buyer who won’t gut or demolish the house. Sometimes they will want to take someone who would appreciate the work done on the house. It can be tricky to explain this to buyers and point out to sellers that although such preferences can be understandable, they must remain within reason.

 

What pitfalls do you see sellers fall into when trying to sell?

Sometimes sellers are reluctant to give any broker an exclusive listing because they think giving more brokers the ability to show the property will move it faster. In reality, the opposite is true. If an agent doesn’t have an exclusive, they won’t put in as much effort or expense to make the home look appealing to buyers. For example, paying for quality pictures, printing brochures, or scheduling an open house includes cleaning and other expenses. Another example is the super modern 3-D walkthrough we do with most of our listings. Many customers love to browse every corner of a house through our walkthrough. Many have settled on a house based on having a virtual ability to get a good feel for a home and show it to family members who don’t live in the area. But this involves a significant investment in money, time, and effort from the broker. I would never do it if I weren’t the exclusive agent. Another issue with having multiple agents working on the property is that each agent will give potential buyers a different price, which confuses potential buyers. Another common mistake that sellers make is having an unrealistic expectation of what they can get for their homes. Recent home sales in the neighborhood do not necessarily translate to every home in the area. Sometimes a seller will get blinded by the sentimental value, which doesn’t translate to the market. A buyer who doesn’t share those feelings will not pay those extra fifty thousand dollars. Sellers should consult their agent on pricing and not be skeptical and think they only want to make a sale. I always show a homeowner my work and how I got to what I think the house will sell for. We want to get the best price possible because that is better for us and because a satisfied customer will recommend us to his friends.

 

Place in sidebar: Mortgage Musings

In January 2021, the average rate for a fixed 30-year mortgage was at 2.99 percent. In January 2022, it was at 3.4 percent. Mortgage rates are rising, and many are worried that the rates will only climb higher. No need to get scared, though – rates are a bit higher than they were for the past couple of years, but they’re still pretty low. The ideal mortgage rate is about 6 to 7 percent, which is good for both the lenders and the borrowers. Current mortgage rates are at around 4 percent. This may not seem very low compared to the rates of the past two years, as the last two years have had extremely unusually low rates. That’s because the Federal Reserve lowers interest rates in times of uncertainty (like during pandemics). When you look at the bigger long-term picture, you’ll see that the rates right now are great. Mark Vitner, senior economist at Wells Fargo, predicts that rates in the next few months will stay about the same.

The Case – A Mother’s Jewelry

Upon the passing of their dear parents, Joan, Albert, and Eddie proceeded to divide their parents’ estate as per the Last Will and Testament left by their father. Each of the two sons inherited forty percent of the estate while Joan, the only daughter, was bequeathed twenty percent. Joan, who had access to the safe in her late parents’ home, opened it and removed her mother’s valuable jewelry. When Albert and Eddie discovered the missing jewelry, they immediately demanded of her to return what she had taken. Joan defended her position explaining that it is customary and a well-known fact that jewelry of a mother belongs to her daughter. Joan further clarified that her mother passed on suddenly, and that her father was ill at the time of her mother’s passing. She continued to explain that if her mother was still alive, or had her father not been ill, they would have most definitely gifted her with the jewelry. As such, she is unwilling to allow her much younger sisters-in law to take possession of the jewelry. Joan’s brothers were not interested in their sister’s plea and demanded that she return what she stole. Without any legal records proving the existence of the jewelry they threatened as a last resort to call the police. The family ultimately brought their dispute to our Bet Din to resolve.

Is Joan entitled to her mother’s jewelry? Are the brothers entitled to a percentage of the jewelry? How should the Bet Din rule and why?

Torah Law

According to the ruling of the Shulhan Aruch, a parent or any benefactor is entitled to gift a specific heir or a recipient a portion of their estate. For such a gift to constitute a valid transaction, the parent or benefactor is required to stipulate in their Last Will and Testament that the gift is effective the moment prior to their passing.

The underlying reasoning for this stipulation is that by Torah law, one is unable to execute a transaction after he is deceased. Immediately upon one’s passing, all his assets automatically belong to his halachically rightful heirs. Hence, one who wishes to deviate from the prescribed outline dictated by the Torah and choose to gift a foreign recipient is required to stipulate that such a gift is effective prior to his passing.

The above ruling is one of the legal methods commonly used to gift funds to a specific heir or to include a foreign recipient in an estate’s allocation. Other legal methods are readily available. For further information one can contact a competent halachic authority to implement a legal method most suitable to their needs.

Additionally, due to the complexity of these laws, one can anticipate further halachic requirements depending on the specific details of the case at hand.

Contemporary halachic authorities advise that a daughter be included in the distribution of an estate. Some leading halachic authorities recommend a father allocates to his daughter at least half the portion he allocates to a son. This recommendation ensures family peace after one’s passing and promotes a daughter’s appreciation for her father’s legacy.

By Torah law, a halachically valid Last Will and Testament is a binding transaction. Hence, unless detailed otherwise, a will encompasses all the assets of the deceased. Thus, when an estate is blanketly divided into percentages, every item is divided according to the percentages of the will. Often, when the various recipients cannot agree on a fair distribution and are unable to negotiate terms of trade, a Bet Din will instruct the parties to sell the assets and divide the proceeds in accordance with the stipulated percentages.

By rule of the Shulhan Aruch a man that survives his wife is the sole inheritor of his wife’s assets. This ruling is applicable even if the wife expressed her wishes during her lifetime to bequeath her valuables to her daughters. Clearly, a mother’s jewelry does not automatically belong to her daughter after death. Rather, upon her husband’s subsequent passing the assets are distributed as per the Last Will and Testament.

VERDICT: The Law Is the Law

Our Bet Din ruled in favor of Albert and Eddie, by submitting to the family a ruling instructing Joan to return the jewelry she took from the estate. As mentioned in Torah law, Joan does not inherit her mother’s jewelry simply because she is her only daughter. Since the father of the family survived the mother, he is the sole inheritor of his wife’s personal property. The father of the family wisely distributed his estate in accordance with many contemporary halachic authorities when gifting Joan half the portion he gifted each of his sons. Generally, such a distribution promotes peace in a family and allows one’s daughter and family to appreciate the legacy of their father.

Our Bet Din informed Joan that she is entitled to twenty percent of her mother’s jewelry, as per the Last Will and Testament. However, the balance is to be returned immediately to her brothers.  Upon receiving our decision, Albert and Eddie proposed to Joan the option of purchasing from them their shares of the jewelry, however, Joan declined. The brothers nevertheless graciously gave her first choice in selecting her twenty percent of the jewelry.

YOU BE THE JUDGE

Dismiss the Board?

Jonathan, an attorney at law, represented heirs of a family estate claiming criminal charges against a non-profit organization. The details of the claim included a misappropriation of funds that were assigned by the deceased to the organization. In Bet Din, Jonathan explained that the funds were transferred to the organization with explicit instructions to create an endowment fund. Such a fund typically invests the total amount of the grant received, with only a portion of the yearly income earned spent by the organization. The balance of the yearly income is added to the principal for growth. This method of gifting ensures that the money granted is perpetual. Instead of creating an endowment fund, the organization used all the funds to purchase a property to serve as their central location. Jonathan implied that suspicious activity transpired at the time of the property’s closing, including the possible embezzlement of funds by board members. He further claimed that the money granted was to assist the organization in maintaining stability of salary payment to their staff and not to purchase real estate. Quite the contrary, the purchase of real estate and the carrying of a mortgage is likely to increase the amount of monthly debt and further increase the risk of the timely paying of salaries to the staff. Jonathan called for the immediate firing of the board of directors. Additionally, he petitioned that the board of directors are responsible to financially reimburse the organization in order to formulate the aforesaid endowment. The board of directors, in their entirety, responded, that although they deviated from instruction, they nevertheless only used the funds in the better interest of the organization. Hence, they believe that they should be acquitted on all counts. In addition to signing on the standard binding of arbitration the parties expressed their willingness to comply with the ruling of our Bet Din on the matter.

How Should the Bet Din Rule and Why?

Mayor Adams Hosts Jewish Leaders to Tackle Anti-Semitic Crime

In response to growing concern over anti-Semitic hate crimes, Mayor Eric Adams hosted a high-level strategic meeting with Jewish leaders last month at City Hall. Mayor Adams spoke strongly about fighting hate crimes and making education and enforcement a top priority. The Mayor stated that he asked Education Chancellor Banks to attend “as a call to action” in order to collaborate with the leaders there and add school curriculum which educates students about respect and sensitivity to the many diverse communities of NYC. Mayor Adams personally pledged about himself that “no one is going to work harder, no one is going to be more committed, no one is going to be more dedicated in these next few years to turn this city around in the right direction.”

“It’s refreshing to see the mayor’s office working hand-in-hand with the NYPD to keep New Yorkers safe,” said NYPD Clergy Liaison David Heskiel, who attended the meeting as a representative of New York City’s Sephardic community.

City officials joining Mayor Adams included Deputy Mayor for Public Safety Phil Banks, Chief of Staff to the Mayor Frank Carone, Chief Advisor to the Mayor Ingrid Lewis-Martin, Police Commissioner Keechant Sewell, Senior Advisor to the Mayor Joel Eisdorfer, Deputy Chief of Staff to the Mayor Menashe Shapiro, Education Chancellor David Banks, NYPD First Deputy Commissioner Edward Caban, NYPD Chief of Detectives James Essig, NYPD Community Affairs Commanding Officer Inspector Richie Taylor, and Commissioner of the Mayor’s Community Affairs Unit Fred Kreizman.

Also in attendance was City Council Jewish Caucus Chairman Eric Dinowitz along with Council members Kalman Yeger, Inna Vernikov, Ari Kagan, Lincoln Restler, Lynn Schulman, and Julie Menin.

Community leaders who participated included Agudath Israel of America Executive Vice President Rabbi Dovid Zwiebel, Met Council CEO David Greenfield, Sephardic Community Leader David Heskiel, Rabbinical Alliance of America/Igud Executive Vice President Rabbi Mendy Mirocznik, Hatzalah CEO Yehiel Kalish, UJA-Federation CEO Eric Goldstein, Williamsburg Community Leader Moshe Indig, UJO Executive Director Rabbi Dovid Niederman, Williamsburg Community Leader Isaac Werzberger, NYPD Hate Crimes Review Panel Chair Honorary Commissioner Devorah Halberstam, Crown Heights Jewish Community Council Executive Vice President Chanina Sperlin, NY Board of Rabbis Executive Vice President Rabbi Joseph Potasnik, Flatbush Jewish Community Coalition Chairman Josh Mehlman, Boro Park Community Leader Rabbi Bernard Freilich, Misaskim CEO Yanky Meyer, Jewish Community Relations Council CEO Gideon Taylor, Jewish Community Relations Council CEO Emeritus Rabbi Michael Miller, Crown Heights Community Leader Yaacov Behrman, and Simon Wiesenthal Center Eastern Director Michael Cohen.

Police Commissioner Keechant Sewell stated “We take these crimes seriously. We value the partnership we have in the community and we hope to enhance that going forward.”

NYPD Inspector Richie Taylor spoke about the hate crime assault which occurred the week before on Friday night at Avenue L and East 32 Street at 10:40pm and the hate crime menacing incident which occurred a few minutes later on Nostrand Avenue and Kings Highway. Inspector Taylor spoke about how the mayor was personally involved in directing the investigative response to these incidents and with intelligent detective work the perpetrator was arrested.

“Mayor Adams’ immediate response speaks volumes,” said Inspector Taylor, who said as soon as the hate crimes took place, Mayor Adams immediately “got the ball rolling to start the investigation, and that is something I have never seen a mayor do before.”

Anyone who has information on criminal activity is urged to call the NYPD Crime Stoppers Tip Line at 800-577-TIPS. In addition, if anyone has information or sees suspicious terrorism activity is urged to call the NYPD Terrorism Tip Line at 888-NYC-SAFE.

Letters – March 2022

The Eternal Bond

Thank you so much, Rabbi Eli Mansour, for your inspiring and enlightening articles. I enjoy reading Community Magazine each week. Your column is one of my favorites. Last month’s article about how a married couple’s relationship should be “binyan adeh ad – an eternal bond,” was particularly powerful.

As you stated in your column, from time to time, relationships will be tested and put under strain. One piece of advice that I would like to share with your readers is to avoid criticizing your spouse. No one likes criticism, even “constructive criticism.” I’m speaking from experience. When I stopped criticizing my wife, my marriage improved. The side effect is that my wife (and children) criticize less. It’s a win-win for all members of my family!

Eddie T.

Mental Wellness

My family and I really appreciated reading and learning about the founding of SIMHA (SIMHA Ushers In a New Era in Sephardic Community). To say that this organization is badly needed would be a gross understatement.

When a teenager or young adult has a mental health problem, the entire family is affected. Our daughter has been suffering from OCD and panic disorder for over seven years and this illness has consumed her life. Mental illness is a very real and serious problem. From the outside you see nothing, but inside there is real turmoil. We pray that Hashem will have mercy and cure all who are ill. Amen.

Sharon B.

—————————————

Firstly, I would like to shout “Bravo!” to Rabbi David Sutton and Marc Adjmi – and every person involved in this new and much needed community organization aptly named SIMHA.

The article said it very well. Mental illness is just as real as any other disease and must be addressed in our community.

Up until now, the main roadblock was getting the public to understand that mental illness is just that: An illness. Often, it’s a chronic illness, too. Would you ever suggest to a person with hypertension that he should just learn to calm down? Or to a diabetic: you could make more insulin if you really wanted to. You have to want to do it and then you’ll get better. Too many people think that these mental problems are bad habits, bad middot, or a temporary setbacks in life that if the person had the right tools, they would get out of.

Hopefully, the SIMHA organization will be able to take mental illness out of the realm of the taboo and put it in our daily consciousness. Hatzlacha!

Dave F.

Woman to Woman

I found last month’s “Woman to Woman” interview so interesting. Ellen’s conversation with Sophia Cohen, founder of Urban Pops, was so much fun to read. Now that I know the history of how Urban Pops came about, it make me appreciate Sophia’s frozen treats even more!

Judy L.

Garlic Roasted Chicken

Thank you very much for including Susan Zayat’s food column (@HungryMom’s Food Diary) in Community. I enjoy all of her recipes. I especially enjoyed last month’s recipe – Garlic Roasted Chicken. It was scrumptious! I made it for my family for Shabbat and they all loved it.

Raquel H.

Cookies and Cream Hamantashen

Hamantashen is the triangular filled pastry connected to the Jewish holiday of Purim. The name refers to Haman, the villain in the Purim story. In Hebrew, hamantashen are also known as “Oznei Haman” which mean Haman’s ears. While the oldest and most traditional filling is poppy seeds, with prune butter and assorted jellies coming in second and third, recent years have bakeries selling every flavor under the sun. This recipe uses a vanilla and chocolate marbleized dough with Oreo butter inside, virtually creating a cookie within a cookie once baked.

Dough Ingredients:

5 cups flour

4 eggs

1 cup sugar

1/2 cup oil

1 tsp vanilla

2 tsp of baking powder

½ cup cocoa powder

Filling:

15 Oreos

¼ cup almond milk

Topping:

2 tbsp hot water

1 cup confectioner’s sugar

6 Oreos, crushed

  1. Beat together eggs and sugar. Add flour, oil, vanilla, and baking powder and mix well.
  2. Remove half the plain dough and set aside. Add cocoa powder to the remaining cookie dough and mix well.
  3. To create the marbleized black and white dough, alternate placing both chocolate and vanilla cookie dough side by side on your rolling surface, and roll out together.
  4. Use the edge of a glass cup to cut dough into circles.
  5. Blend Oreo filling ingredients in a processor and then place 1 tsp Oreo butter in the center of each and pinch three corners to create the hamantashen shape.
  6.  Bake for 10 minutes on 350 degrees Fahrenheit.
  7. When hamantashen are cool, mix together 2 tbsp hot water and 1 cup confectioner sugar until clumps are gone. If consistency isn’t thick enough, add one tsp hot water at a time. If it’s too thin, add one tbsp confectioner at time until its thick enough to pour..
  8. Drizzle frosting on top of cooled hamantashen and sprinkle with crushed Oreos.

Is there Life on Other Planets?

On February 18, 2021, NASA’s Perseverance rover landed on Mars and began its mission to search for signs of life.

Over the coming years, Perseverance will attempt to collect rock and soil samples in sealed tubes, to be eventually sent back to Earth sometime in the 2030s for lab analysis. They hope to answer the question: Could there actually be life on Mars?

For centuries, human beings have always asked: Do plants, animal life, or even sophisticated cultures exist on other planets? Can religious Jews believe in the possibility of alien life?

The question of whether life could exist in other planets received lots of attention during the 1950s and 1960s, when the first manned spacecraft was about to be launched. In 1960, astronomer Dr. Frank Drake took the first steps to finding an answer by searching for radio signals from alien cultures. In 1961, he published The Drake Equation – a formula to estimate the number of advanced civilizations in the universe. The calculations considered factors such as the estimated rate of stars’ development, the number of planets that might have suitable conditions for life, and the estimated period of existence of advanced civilizations. Dr. Drake postulated that in our galaxy alone, there are some 10,000 civilizations besides ours. During the years after Dr. Drake published his theory, astronomers raised this estimate significantly.

What is the Torah’s Perspective?

During the preparations for the first manned flights into space, modern-day Torah Sages were asked the question: What does the Torah tell us about the possibility of sentient life existing on other planets? Their answer was usually along these lines: We do not know of any Torah source which says there is no life on other planets, and so there really is no contradiction between the
view that such civilizations exist and Jewish belief. Still, the overall spirit of the Torah implies that there is no life elsewhere in the universe, other than that which exists here on earth.

Before man landed on the moon, astronomers argued vehemently about whether life existed there. Dr. N. Vidal, in his book, Heavenly Hosts, notes with amazement that the great Torah sage and Kabbalist, Rabbi Mordechai Sharabi, was asked about the possibility of life on the moon, and he replied by quoting a passage from the introduction to the Tikkunei Zohar, in the section entitled Patach Eliyahu:

“And You [Gd] created heaven and earth… and on earth there are trees and
grasses… and birds, fish, domestic animals, wild beasts, and human beings.”

“In view of this statement,” the rabbi wrote, “it is highly unlikely that there is life on the moon, for it states explicitly that: ‘on the earth, there are trees, grasses, birds, fish, domestic animals, wild beasts, and human beings,’ and this implies that only here on Earth were these creatures created.”

Dr. Vidal adds that according to this source, not only does life not exist on the moon; it may not exist anywhere else in the universe. Indeed, generally speaking, the claims made by scientists about the existence of life on other planets have been treated with strong reservation by the observant Jewish public – even though many outstanding scientists, such as the late Dr. Carl Sagan, have supported the opinion expressed by Dr. Drake. In fact, Dr. Sagan believed that the number of planets with advanced civilizations was far higher than Dr. Drake thought.

Questioning Conventional Wisdom

On the other hand, slowly but surely, as research on this subject progresses, many in the scientific world seem to be coming around to the opposite view.

William Broad, an award-winning science reporter at the New York Times, published an article on February 08, 2000, under the headline: “Maybe We are Alone in the Universe, After All,” accurately explaining the reasons for this change that has taken place among scientists. In the past, Broad writes, a growing number of astronomers took the view that alien civilizations are likely to be scattered among the stars like grains of sand, isolated from one another by the emptiness of interstellar space. But now, two prominent scientists say that this conventional wisdom is wrong. The alien search, they add, “is likely to fail.”

Astronomer Dr. Donald Brownlee and geologist Dr. Peter Ward from the University of Washington claim that based upon the latest astronomical findings, geological research and fossil record, it is the specific composition of matter on earth and its relative stability in space that permit the development of life. Contrary to previous assumptions, these conditions are extremely rare. Everywhere else in the universe, conditions do not permit life – radiation levels are too high, key elements are lacking, and planets lack orbital stability.

In their book, Rare Earth, the two authors write that many of the basic assumptions made by Dr. Drake and Dr. Sagan in suggesting that there is life on other planets have no foundation in reality. “The Drake Equation is riddled with hidden optimistic assumptions,” state the authors. They also claim that there are many astrobiologists who agree with them. According to Ward, the latest research indicates that most planets in the universe suffer from ongoing catastrophic events, such as a high rate of meteor strikes – many more than we suffer here on Earth. Dr. Ward writes that without the protection we get from the giant planet Jupiter – whose strong gravitational field attracts dangerous space debris – the number of meteor strikes on Earth would be 10,000 times higher. Thus, the chances of life existing in the center of the galaxies are exceedingly small: “If you’re in the interior of the galaxy,” Dr. Ward said, “you’re always getting bombarded.”

According to Dr. Ward, new research has revealed that very high levels of radiation comprising X-rays, gamma rays, and ionizing radiation are present in the center of galaxies, which make it impossible for life to develop.

The two authors list other very rare conditions found on Earth that are required for life.  For example, our planet is at the precise distance from the sun which allows for the existence of liquid water. If we were even slightly closer to the sun, the water on Earth would evaporate; if we were even slightly further away from the sun, it would freeze. Another factor is the existence of moons, which stabilize the planet’s rotation allowing for moderate climatic changes.

Ward and Brownlee conclude: “These are extremely rare conditions, but it seems that there are many who don’t want to recognize the fact.”

The Rebbe’s Advice to the Microbiologist

So, can there be life in other galaxies? We simply do not know the answer.

But in terms of our openness to the question, we might well ponder the response of the Lubavitcher Rebbi to Dr. Velvl Greene, a prominent microbiologist who, many years ago, was enlisted by NASA in their project to determine if there is life on Mars. Dr. Greene asked the Rebbe privately if this was something he should be doing. The Rebbe replied, “Dr. Greene, look for life on Mars! And if you don’t find it there, look somewhere else in the universe for it. Because for you to sit here and say there is no life outside of planet Earth is to put limitations on the Creator, and that is not something any of His creatures can do!”

Purim – Promoting Unity

The mitzvot concerning giving to one’s fellow Jew is something unique to the Purim holiday.  We are obligated to give mishloach manot and matanat la’evyonim.  There is no other festival in which there is a similar obligation of hesed (kindness).  What is the connection between these mitzvot and the story of Purim?

This question can be answered by analyzing of some of the pasukim in the Megilla.  When Haman approaches Achashverosh with his plan to destroy the Jewish people, he outlines why they do not deserve to be kept alive.  “And Haman said to King Achashverosh, there is one nation scattered and dispersed (meforad) among the people.” The commentaries explain that Haman was making an accurate criticism of the Jewish people, one which helped convince the king that they would not be protected by Hashem.  Haman argued that the Jewish people were not unified and, accordingly, they were lacking the Divine protection that they merited when they were unified.

Restoring Jewish Unity in Shushan Reversed Hashem’s Decree

Accordingly, one of the most important ways of removing the decree of destruction from Above, was to renew the sense of unity amongst the Jewish people. Rav Yonasan Ebeshitz, zt”l, explains that this was Esther’s intention when she instructed Mordechai how to overturn the decree. “Go, assemble all the Jews to be found in Shushan, and fast for me.” She recognized that only a unified effort could overturn the decree.

Indeed, this approach succeeded.  The Vilna Gaon demonstrates in a number of pasukim, that the Jewish people displayed great unity when they finally took the upper hand against their enemies.   “The rest of the Jews throughout the King’s provinces gathered together and defended themselves (amad al nafsham)…”  The Vilna Gaon notes the word “amad is in the singular form, as opposed to the plural form of “amdu.  This, he writes, demonstrates that they were completely unified, as if they were one entity.  Soon after, the Megilla informs us that Mordechai instituted the festival of Purim.  In reaction, it tells us that, “The Jews undertook (kibel) to continue the practice they had begun.”  Again, the word, “kibel” is in the singular form, further demonstrating that they were unified.  Finally, the Sifsei Chaim adds a similar explanation to the famous verse in which, according to Chazal, the Jewish people willingly accepted the Torah: “They fulfilled (kiymuand accepted (kiblu) upon themselves…to observe these two days…”  The word kiblu is read in the plural form, however it is written in the singular “kibel,” again alluding to the fact that the Jewish people accepted the Torah in complete unity.

Giving to Others – an Antidote to Promote Unity

With this understanding of the significance of unity in the Purim story, it is easy to understand why Chazal instituted mitzvot in the realm of ben adam lechaveiro.  Purim reminds us of the importance of unity amongst the Jewish people.  Giving to one’s fellow Jew is an excellent tool to help us care more about them.  Moreover, it is not enough for a person to give to one’s friends alone, he must not ignore those who are far less fortunate – the destitute people who are easily forgotten about.   Therefore, in addition to mishloach manot, Chazal instructed us in matanot la‘evyonim.

Purim is a time when we remember the importance of unity to the Jewish people.  May we merit to focus all our energies on the common goal of fulfilling Hashem’s ratson.

Building Self-Esteem

So many of our children today are suffering from low self-esteem, and we can help them! The great news is that nobody is born with feelings of low self-worth. Low self-worth is a pattern of thinking that can develop. Babies have natural confidence, with a sense of feeling that they have something to accomplish. We give them a crayon and they color. They don’t think, “Maybe I won’t do a good enough job.” They also don’t have thoughts such as, “That other baby is cuter than me, smarter than me, or more capable than me.” They just take the crayon and color. When they feel strong enough they get up and start walking. When they fall, they get up and try again. All this is natural without any unhelpful thoughts about themselves, their worth, or their abilities.

Then babies grow into toddlers and they go off to playgroup and school, where they have all kinds of experiences. They have all sorts of experiences and interactions in their home lives, too. They start to develop beliefs about themselves based on what they see. (Don’t panic – each experience is tailor made for them with love by Hashem as something they need to experience.) While we can’t prevent them from ever being put down, and we can’t control every experience they have, we CAN help them see their real worth no matter what they experience.

It is important to tell your child the following truth: Before you were even born, Hashem decided that the world needs YOU! That means that we each have a unique purpose in this world.

We want our children to know that they each have a special place in their family, their class, and in the world, that nobody else can fill. I like to let my children know that this is true about every child in our family and in their class, because it’s hard to argue with a universal principle.

So how do we get that message across when our children do have experiences that point their thinking in the opposite direction?

  1. If the experience was hurtful, we empathize.
  2. We model for our children that we are not afraid that they will lose their confidence, since it’s part of a human being’s hard-wiring, and never leaves us. It may get blocked, we may not see it or feel it, but it’s always there.

So when our children tell us that they are incapable, unlovable, or anything of that sort, I like to respond with a big smile and say, “My thoughts also tell me all kinds of things about myself.” This type of comment acknowledges that while the discomfort of that thought is there, it is actually nothing more than a thought.

If we raise our children with the above TRUTHS, when they are faced with adversity, they can get back to their natural state of confidence.

With that confidence comes the ability to create, produce, and have an effect on the world around us. When our kids have down time, they can come up with so many activities. When children are very young, I like to brainstorm with them about how to keep busy so they own these ideas as they get older. When they are young we can list categories of “Things to Do.” We can say, “You have much to accomplish every day. You can use the list if you’d like some ideas or you can come up with new ideas.”

 

Samples of “Things to Do” Categories

Things That Bring Joy to Others:

Call a grandparent

Make a card for someone

Call a kid in your class who was out sick

Creative Talents:

Art projects

Organize a closet

Practice a sport

Practice an instrument

Relaxing Activities:

Listen to music

Take a walk

Read a book

Tammy Sassoon is a parenting coach and educational consultant.  She gives live and online parenting courses. She served Dean of Students at Bet Yaakov Orot Sarah where she piloted her acclaimed social & emotional wellness programs, which she now teaches educators and students worldwide.

Heart

A powerful vortex of energy seems to whirl around Eli Gerstner as March 13th and the HEART concert draw near. The EG Productions team is immersed in preparations for an advanced, multi-faceted, musical experience promised to be as heart-warming as it is mind blowing.

HEART will benefit children and teens who have lost a parent. The unique beauty of the beneficiary organization is reflected in its discretion and sensitivity. Staying beneath the radar is part of the mission of Links & Shlomie’s Club, who aim to be there for support, therapy, Shabbatons, and a shoulder to lean on, without compromising their clients’ dignity and privacy one iota.

Despite this low profile, though, they have won the deep respect of those in the know. “I did not have to do any convincing,” Eli confides. “When performers, vendors, and sponsors heard that the organization we’ll be singing our hearts out for is Links & Shlomie’s Club, the reaction was immediate.”

Eli’s six year odyssey of working for Camp HASC (A Time For Music) included producing ten shows on a level perhaps higher than anything the Jewish music world had seen. For the last concert, Winter 2021 (ATFM 34), his team grappled with constantly-changing Covid regulations which could easily have seen the grand fundraiser cancelled, yet they produced an unprecedentedly glorious event on the ice rink of the American Dream Mall, watched by over 150,000 people on computer screens worldwide, and making over 3 million dollars.

Yet this year, it was time to move on.

“Klal Yisrael has organizations for every need,” Eli says. “The one I have chosen to work with has really captured my heart like never before. And the event we are working on will also be like nothing I have ever done before.”