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Mabrouk – July 2021

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July 2021

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Births – Baby Boy

Mr. & Mrs. David Safdieh

Yoni & Shoshana Aryeh

Births – Baby Girl

Mr. & Mrs. David Zafrani

Ben & Mary Saadia – Twins!!

Bar Mitzvah

Leon, son of Mr. and Mrs. Alan Sasson

Engagements

Jack Malkokian to Marisa Cohen

Jonathan Zehavi to Liat Shiro

Albert Saadia to Sari Ashkenazi

Mordechai Cohen to Susan Cohen

Murray Maleh to Dori Lati

Joey Pinhas to Rebecca Cohen

Allie Haber to Rachel Shasho

Weddings

Joey Uziel to Jacqueline Franco

Joe Cohen to Jennifer Balassiano

Yisrael Bouskila to Batya Ouzer

Riddles – July 2021

Community Magazine

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July 2021

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Riddle: Home – But Not Alone

Submitted by Mark S.

A man leaves home, turns left three times, and returns home to face two men wearing masks. Who are the two men?

Last Month’s Riddle: Chimney Dilemma

What can go up a chimney down, but can’t go down a chimney up?

Solution: An umbrella. If your umbrella is “down,” it can fit through a chimney, but if it’s “up,” it won’t fit!

Solved by: Meir Nakash, Natalie Cohen, Caroline Gindi, David & Judy Picciotto, The Blum Family, and Big Mike.

Junior Riddle: Word Dilemma

I am a word. If you pronounce me right, you are wrong; if you pronounce me wrong, you are right. What word am I?

Last Month’s Junior Riddle: What Am I?

It has keys, but no locks. It has space, but no room. You can enter, but can’t go inside. What is it?

Solution: A keyboard!

Solved by: The Nakach Family, Caroline Gindi, The Shmulster, Natalie Cohen, Mazie Betesh, David & Judy Picciotto, The Blum Family, Sarah Cohen, H. Soleimani, and Zaki Dabas.

Chernobyl

Community Magazine

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July 2021

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A Renaissance of Spiritual Splendor

Many of us have heard about the lifelong desire of the holy Ba’al Shem Tov to meet up with the Ohr Hahayyim Hakdosh – Rabi Hayyim ben Attar, zy”a, in the Holy Land. Legend had it that if these two great luminaries would meet in Eretz Yisrael, together they would bring Mashiach and usher in the final redemption.

The story is told that one Shabbat while eating seudah shlishit, the Baal Shem Tov sensed that the Ohr Hahayyim had just passed away. Before it was possible for anyone in Europe to have heard the tragic news, the Besh”t exclaimed, “The light of the West has been extinguished!”

Today, more than 250 years later, perhaps, this long-awaited meeting up is finally materializing in the form of the followers of the path of the Ba’al Shem Tov increasingly engaging with the revered Hachamim of the Edut Hamizrah and vice-versa.

In the courts of many of today’s Sephardic mekubalim, one sees throngs of Hassidim of Hungarian and Polish descent and tradition. Likewise, Sephardic communities regularly host prestigious rebbes, savoring the special atmosphere of the uplifting tisch – the rebbe’s Shabbat table. Jews from all walks of life stand in line to give a pidyon to a Chassidic rebbe, coming away encouraged the Rebbe’s wise counsel and effusive berachot.

The Deal community will have the good fortune to host the holy Rebbe of Chernobyl, Harav Menahem Nahum Twersky, shlit”a, this summer while the Rebbe is on a visit to the U.S. from his home in Bnei Brak. The Rebbe is no stranger to the Sephardic community. Sephardim from across Eretz Yisrael and communities around the world regularly visit the Chernobyler rebbe. The rebbe makes an annual trip to France to give hizzuk to the Sephardic community there.

Chernobyl

Chernobyl! Some might associate this name with a Russian nuclear disaster in the late eighties. But for the greater Torah community, the mere mention of that name evokes a sense of awe, of sanctity, of reverence. The holy Me’or Einayim – Harav Menahem Nahum Twersky, founder of

the Chernobyl dynasty, was a disciple of the Ba’al Shem Tov, and later, of the holy Maggid of Mezeritch. Founded over 250 years ago in the heartland of Jewish Ukraine, Chernobyl is likely the oldest Hassidut to still carry its original name and identity.

Today, in the heart of Bnei Brak, with satellite branches in cities across Eretz Yisrael, Chernobyl, under the leadership of the present Rebbe, represents a glorious empire of Torah, Avodah, and Hassidut. Nearly a century after this dynamic kehilla was decimated by the Ukrainian Bolsheviks, it has once again re-emerged as a vibrant continuum of this illustrious legacy.

The Chernobler community in Eretz Yisrael, established by the previous rebbe, Reb Meshulam Zusya, zt”l, is comprised of many hundreds of families whose lives are devoted to Torah and Avodah. Smaller communities of Hassidim are centered around the Chernobyler battei midrash in Beit Shemesh and Elad.

The incredible chain of events beginning with the previous rebbe’s escape from Russia to Eretz Yisrael, and then later once again from Galicia just before the outbreak of World War II, was a manifestation of the Divine Hand of hashgacha to perpetuate this great legacy for eternity.

Upon settling in Eretz Yisrael, his first initiative was to establish a Kollel, which he called Zichron Kedoshim in memory of his two spiritual mentors, his father and grandfather.

With the passing of the previous rebbe, Reb Meshulam Zusya in 5748, the mantle of leadership in Bnei Brak passed on to his eldest son, the present rebbe, Reb Menachem Nochum, shlit”a, namesake of the legendary Me’or Anayim.

The Rebbe

At the helm of this impressive empire of Torah and Avodah, of course, is the Rebbe himself, whose personal involvement guides its every aspect. Visitors to the Chernobyler Rebbe of Bnei Brak are enamored with the Rebbe’s personality as well as his yirat shamayim, the unique way in which his consciousness of Hashem’s Presence illuminates his scholarship and perception.

Under the Rebbe’s direction, the Chernobyl institutions and ideals they embody have earned their names as pinnacles of Torah, middot, yirat shamayim, and Hassidut. Strongly rooted in the teachings transmitted through the golden dynasty of Chernobyler Rebbes spanning eight generations, the Rebbe guides his followers on how to apply the timeless precepts of the Baal Shem Tov’s philosophy of joy and untainted sincerity in the service of Hashem to the challenges of today’s contemporary world.

Partners with the Rebbe

Observers of Chernobyl’s remarkable synthesis, blending time-honored tradition with advanced Torah learning, quickly become friends and admirers of the Chernobyler institutions. In addition to the tremendous merit of financing the worthy endeavors of Chernobyl, these donors are easing the tremendous financial burden borne by the Rebbe, allowing him to fully devote his time and energy to the many individuals who seek out his guidance and salvation.

The Rebbe does not take the nobility of these donors lightly. As is well known, the Rebbe’s eternal gratitude to those who support his endeavors, in which he has invested his entire heart and soul, manifests itself in the form of abundant blessings and pleas for Divine intercession.

The Rebbe spends many hours receiving Jews from all walks of life in search of his sagacious counsel, insight, and prayers on business and family-related matters, as well as downtrodden souls facing difficult challenges in need of salvation and assistance.

Yeshu’ot – Salvation

Countless well-known stories attest to the miraculous results yielded by the Rebbe’s intercession, prayers, and assurances.

A prominent Chernobyl donor, living in the United Stated, called up the Rebbe’s assistant on behalf of his 23-year-old niece.

While all the niece’s friends were happily married, she was still at home, waiting. She had an older single brother, and her parents did not want her to get married before him. Not seeing any hope in the near future, she felt depressed and dejected.

The donor, knowing that women do not usually enter the Rebbe’s room, asked the gabbai for a one-time exception, in order to allow her to hear the Rebbe’s berachah. Due to the sensitivity of the heartbroken girl’s predicament, the gabbai gave her special permission to stand in the room when the donor asked for a berachah.

On hearing the girl’s problem, the Rebbe replied in a clear voice: “You have to be happy,” he said. “Simha is the best segulah – be happy!”

The donor asked for the Rebbe to promise a yeshuah, but the Rebbe merely repeated his first reply: she should be b’simhah, and everything will work out.

The niece heard the Rebbe’s answer; she had to be happy, even though she could not see any hope in the future. The girl decided to make an effort – and it indeed helped: in a short time, her brother was engaged, and that same year she was married!

With such berachot, who needs promises?

Another well-known story took place several years ago. One of the Hassidim was invited to an exclusive fundraiser on behalf of the Chernobyl institutions, with a cover charge of $5,000.

Although he would give anything to be part of such a cherished occasion in the presence of the Rebbe, his financial situation simply did not allow it.

“I simply don’t have the means to spend that kind of money now,” he told the gabbai with a sigh. “The economic situation is difficult, and I don’t have an extra penny. I have no other option but to reject the offer.”

The next morning, the donor once again met the gabbai, but this time his voice was upbeat.

“I’m coming to the event! I have the money!” he excitedly declared.

The Chassid related that he heard from friends that a group was being formed to request that certain bank fees charged somewhat unfairly over the years be reimbursed. He also joined the group, hoping that if they are reimbursed he may also get something back.

However, the bank was not agreeing to the reimbursements, and all the requests were denied.

The individual knew that if the requests of such high-profile clients were rejected, there was little hope in his claim being honored.

Surprisingly, that same morning, the bank called him to say that he will receive $5,000 in compensation, the exact amount needed to attend the fundraiser to support the Chernobyl institutions!

“I know it wasn’t in my merit. The money was given for the Rebbe,” he said. “Apparently, when it comes to supporting the Rebbe and his institutions, even the banks are eager to help.”

The Rebbe’s upcoming visit to Deal is scheduled for early August. Details will be forthcoming.

Deal Connection

The Deal community has its own personal connection with the Chernobler Rebbe. Bahurim from Yeshivat Lev Aharon (Rabbi Laniado) in Jerusalem, among them many of our own children and relatives, regularly visit the Chernobyler Rebbe in Bnei Brak, seeking out the Rebbe’s insightful counsel, hizzuk, and effective berachot.

One on One with Sherryl Bouganim

Community Magazine

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July 2021

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Ellen Geller Kamaras

“After I got married, we spent 23 summers in Bar Harbor, Maine, the gateway to Acadia National Park. The park is the first sight of the sunrise in the U.S. for half of the year. When you see the birds, nature’s colors and variations, and how the world is organized, you know it all comes from Hashem.” ~~ Sherryl ~~

Please meet Sherryl Bouganim (formerly Sherryl Betesh), a positive, spiritual, creative, warm, strong, and vibrant woman. She is as an outdoor enthusiast who loves to garden and appreciates all things about nature.

Sherryl is easy to talk to. We connected immediately and a friendship was born. Sherryl’s positive energy and warm-heartedness is contagious.

Sherryl, the daughter of Claire and Morris E. Harary, grew up in Bensonhurst and Flatbush. Of Syrian descent on both sides, Sherryl’s parents were born in the United States. She is grateful for the close-knit bonds she has with her two sisters and brother.

Her family’s love of Torah can be traced to her Syrian grandparents, especially to her paternal grandfather who had smicha and was a learning partner of Chief Rabbi Jacob Kassin, zt”l, and Hacham Baruch Ben Haim, zt”l. One of Sherryl’s fondest memories is walking to shul on 67th Street at the age of nine to meet her grandmother, Sarah Menaged. Sherryl treasured Shabbat and holidays with her grandparents and Grandma Sarah taught Sherryl how to cook.

School Days

Sherryl was an enthusiastic student and even skipped a grade. She was friendly even as a child, a true people person. Sherryl’s best subjects were science, English, art, and sports. She was honored with a National Junior Science award. A natural athlete, Sherryl was on the JCH swim team and earned a junior lifeguard certificate. At Madison High School she joined the gymnastics team and completed on the balance beam statewide.

Sherryl’s creative bent sparked at a young age and in high school she excelled in art.

Sherryl’s passion for art took different directions as she journeyed through life. As a child Sherryl began as a dancer (ballet, tap, and jazz). She painted and drew in high school, sang in the Glee Club, and won a post-high school Metropolitan Museum scholarship. Sherryl became a professional makeup artist after high school. She enjoyed gardening as an adult, trained to become a Pilates instructor, enhanced her culinary skills, and appeared on cooking shows with her mom. Moving back to New Jersey, Sherryl harnessed her creativity to become an expert event planner for community fundraising.

The Hararys were inspiring role models and they strongly shaped Sherryl’s values, philosophy, and life perspective. Sherryl also acquired her entrepreneurial spirit and strong work ethic from them. Her dad, Morris, was a mason on civil record and owned collectibles stores. Sherryl’s mother’s retail niche was home accessories. “I was amazed in the summer how mom had the house spiffy and clean, dinner cooked, and got the four of us out to the beach by 11am daily.”

Sherryl worked from the age of eleven, babysitting at a beach cabana. Using her talent for art and fashion, she landed jobs at a jewelry shop, a shoe store in the West Village, and Crazy Eddie’s. Her effortless ability to talk to anyone made her a terrific salesperson.

By the age of twelve, Sherryl’s ballet studies led her to the accomplishment of dancing “en pointe.” She thankfully learned about hesed in a defining moment: her ballet teacher asked if she would give her toe shoes to a girl who could not afford her own.

At fourteen, Sherryl worked in Manhattan after school and took the train to visit museums frequently. Her love of art increased with each visit.

“My parents taught me to be proactive, independent, open-minded, kind, and friendly. I often brought home classmates of different backgrounds. My parents believed that if you want to get things done and you put your mind to it, it can get done. Hashem gives us the innate ability and brains to attain our goals.”

Post High School Metamorphosis

After high school graduation, Sherryl took a job in a cosmetics boutique on Madison Avenue and she became an accomplished makeup artist. Sherryl learned how to apply makeup on celebrities and also taught makeup application. One client was so impressed with Sherryl’s talent that he offered to establish a cosmetics business for her in California.

Imagine that you could be a caterpillar one moment and a butterfly the next. You don’t just wake up and become the butterfly. Growth is a process.

Early on in our interview, Sherryl compared herself to a butterfly. I first thought of a social butterfly, a charming and talkative person who is a good leader and motivates others. Digging deeper, I remembered that a butterfly is one of the most colorful and vivid insects and that it starts out as a caterpillar and changes into a butterfly through metamorphosis.

As you read Sherryl’s story, you will see how fitting the butterfly analogy is and how Sherryl grew and developed new skills as she entered different life stages.

Motherhood and Community

Sherryl married at 18, kept her job, and landed an appearance on a TV commercial.

Her husband’s business brought the family to Bar Harbor, Maine for three to six months of the year. Bar Harbor shares borders with Acadia National Park, a stunning national treasure. Sherryl was blessed with three sons and then a daughter. Frederick Betesh, her oldest son, was born in 1983. A determined child, he learned to mountain climb and became a level two climber. He formed the first Jewish young men’s surfing camp on the Jersey shore, “Camp Freedom.” Morris Betesh, affectionately known as “Rabbi Mo B,” is a kindergarten a rebbe, a high school teacher, and he also learns in kollel. Eliot Betesh is a carpenter and also does technical electronic work. He is known for his “golden hands.” Margaux, Sherryl’s youngest, first learned about outreach abroad and in the U.S. and is now an educator for a kiruv group called Meor Manhattan.

Living in Bar Harbor and raising her children in Acadia’s splendor had a profound effect on Sherryl and her children. It enhanced Sherryl’s spirituality, as only Hashem could have created such beauty. This environment, and, of course, Hashem’s hand, fostered Sherryl’s children’s fervor for the outdoors and adventure.

Sherryl would hike in the wee hours of the morning before returning home to feed her children breakfast and get them dressed. Since Sherryl was 17, she has been what she calls “holistic,” practicing natural health, and doing only nutritious cooking. “No white sugar or white flour for my family!”

When her children enrolled in kindergarten, Sherryl stayed in NJ during the school year, returning to Maine for the summers. Back in NJ, Sherryl realized how important friends are. “In our awesome community, friends and family are the same. You can turn anywhere and be involved in something meaningful provided you have the desire to.”

A Volunteer Par Excellence Is Born

In 1998 Sherryl and her husband divorced, and she and her children moved back to New Jersey. Sherryl focused on reconnecting with her childhood friends. Before she knew it, she was volunteering to fundraise. Sherryl first got involved with the Carol Haber Fund Bridal Fund. She composed a heartfelt appeal and collected a substantial amount of donations. This encouraged her to volunteer with other organizations. Since Sherryl is sociable, she was invited to take over the microphone at quite a few events. Learning as she went along, Sherryl began with small events and stretched herself, taking on more responsibility and organizing larger fundraisers.

The first big event she coordinated was a health-focused event called Pure Inspiration for Congregation Shaare Tefilah Bene Moshe of Eatontown. Sherryl saw firsthand that by asking someone if they want to be included in hesed, you are providing them the opportunity to be included in a mitzvah.

“If you ask someone to do something good, Hashem finds a way for you to receive help. For Pure Inspiration, one volunteer specialized in PR and marketing, another obtained 32 health-related product vendors. This allowed me to focus on the creative and fundraising pieces. It was magical. The event led to Bonei Olam making their first event in the community that summer.”

Sherryl was instrumental in opening the NJ Sephardic Bikur Holim Food Pantry. The subsequent collection of food programs included the monthly local yeshivot “Rosh Chodesh Chesed Mitzvah” that ran for a number of years and later turned into the Orange Bag Project. The help and work of many talented women and teachers was crucial to sustaining this program.

Sherryl is also a community advocate on issues that adversely impact our residents’ health and home environment.

The Latest Chapter

In 2013, Sherryl reconnected with and married her childhood friend, Morris Bouganim. Before the pandemic, the couple traveled between Eatontown and Mexico City for seven years. Morris recently moved his business from Mexico to the United States.

Sherryl enjoys dancing, nature, Torah classes, and cherishes being with her family and grandchildren. A “flavorful cook,” Sherryl prepares many ethnic dishes from around the world in addition to her ancestors’ traditional foods.

Sherryl is looking forward to a creative chapter full of color and new things. She is now doing portraits in oil pastel and making semi-precious jewelry for babies.

Please connect with Sherryl at sherryl@betesh.us or 732-245-9550.

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Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach. Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching. Ellen works part-time as an entitlement specialist at Ohel Children’s Home and Family Services. She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).

“I Was Wrong”

Community Magazine

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July 2021

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Last month’s editorial by Rabbi Mansour (“The Three Most Difficult Words”) was right on the mark. His inspiring message needs to be spread world-wide. Many times we fail to see the benefit of simple, yet important things like admitting our failures. Saying, “I was wrong,” usually brings more happiness and satisfaction to a person’s life than the common expression of “I love you.”

I would like to add one more point. When a spouse admits they were wrong, it is very tempting to blurt out something sarcastic, such as, “I told you so” or, “Next time do it my way from the beginning.” DON’T DO IT! It will be the last apology you ever receive. It is far better to accept graciously, letting the person know how much better you now feel, thanks to their words.

Max S.

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While in general I usually agree with Rabbi Mansour, I feel there are times when admitting you were wrong is not such a great idea. Many times, women especially, admit fault when they are not at fault in order to diffuse a situation. This can lead to very low self-esteem and unhappiness. It can also lead people to start assuming that everything that goes wrong is their own fault even when it isn’t. I am anxious to admit my fault when I am truly at fault, but with the help of my mentor I am learning only to take responsibility for the mistakes that I truly make.

Janice K.

Matchmaking

In regard to last month’s column about the shidduch crisis (“Matchmaking: Could We Be Doing It Better?”), the obvious answer is YES!! If so many Jewish singles are suffering and are unhappy, something is obviously wrong. Why is this becoming a growing problem of today’s generation? Our community leaders needs to take greater action and solve this issue. I believe the main problem stems from the lack of traditional values. It used to be that men and women were by and large compatible since they were raised in similar households with the same values. Now in this secular world we live in, men and women grow up with different ideas and outlooks about who they are and what they want their lives to be about. It used to be that matchmaking led to marriage rather than discontent. Perhaps it would be a good idea to include “dating classes and etiquette” in our yeshivot. Something needs to be done asap.

Lawrence D.

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While last issue’s article about matchmaking included some fine and encouraging ideas, I felt some of the suggestions were unrealistic. I have been in the shidduch system for almost five years. In the interim, I continued my education and advanced my career goals. I have remained positive throughout and continue to pray to find my naseeb. The truth is, sometimes despite what you do, it’s simply not the right time. People need to have more faith and patience.

C. L.

Tick-borne Illnesses

Thank you for bringing awareness to an alarming problem that can affect any one of us – tick-borne infections and deer infestation. This feature article was very helpful and extremely informative. I would like to add that it is imperative to take preventative measures to keep deer off your property, as this will decrease the likelihood of encountering tick infestations. Erecting fences or planting strongly scented herbs in gardens, such as garlic, chive, and mint, will also help keep deer away.

Steven B.

Positive Parenting

Last month’s helpful hints about raising satisfied kids was very insightful. You made a very valid point in suggesting that adults need to show gratitude to one another in order that children pick up this wonderful trait. As the saying goes, “Actions speaks louder than words.” Gratitude in the attitude can, and will be achieved, if we all practiced more.

Diane W

PROPELed Goes to School

Community Magazine

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July 2021

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PROPEL is at the forefront of helping community women to assess their strengths and find the right career niche. Over the past six years, we have worked with close to 800 clients, providing individualized coaching and mentoring. We help women to network and offer stipends to help pay for training and higher education. Almost 300 women have either graduated from or are enrolled in a wide variety of educational or training programs. And, with the advent of the PROPELed program launched in August 2020, over thirty women are currently attending graduate school programs, pursuing careers in fields such as education and special education, social work, nursing, rehabilitation therapies, and more.

Choosing the best career can be daunting. And making that choice early is the best way to make progress towards your goal and get accepted to the right program. With that in mind, Gitta Neufeld, Educational Consultant at PROPEL, created and began presenting an innovative workshop series for the juniors and seniors in our community high schools. The three-part series challenged these young women to reflect on their skills, talents, and interests. The students completed inventories, and then explored the careers and vocations compatible with different personalities and interests. Gitta explained to the girls that a person is much more likely to be successful if he or she enjoys what they do and have a passion for it. She cautioned her audience “not to use these inventories to find your naseeb.” Gitta led an exciting discussion dealing with why certain careers appeal to specific personalities. Comments like, “That’s exactly what I’m like,” and, “This is so me!” filled the air.

Once participants had a general idea of possible fields out there, Gitta continued with a frank and detailed exploration of educational options after high school, describing the various possibilities and each option’s pros and cons. Gitta also spent time discussing the financial aspects of each program, including scholarships, government financial aid, and loans. Unfortunately, some community members have been victims of educational scams, and Gitta explained what to look out for.

Finally, the group explored entering the workforce. Noting that knowledge is critical for success, the students learned about professionalism, networking, and mentorships. Gitta stressed the need for tenacity and persistence, encouraging the girls to “never give up if you have a dream.” She reminded the students of the importance of self-care, and challenged them to demonstrate responsibility, growth, and confidence as they move to this next, exciting stage.

These workshops were held in a number of community schools. Below are some of the responses received from school teachers and administrators and from community members:

We’d like to thank you for a superb presentation to our high school girls this afternoon. The presentation was highly informative and compelling, clear and engaging. The girls appreciated the direct approach as well as the humor. I myself sat through the entire session and came away amazed. What an opportunity for our girls to have an organization in our community that sets its goals on helping future wives and mothers to be independent and financially capable!

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As a community rabbi, I’ve seen too many families fall apart due to financial strain and pressure. I can truly appreciate the benefits of Propel, especially as directed to young girls on the cusp of graduation and new beginnings. The girls are taught how to navigate a sea of options and possibilities, and this will certainly impact the future of our community.

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My husband was trying to guide my sister-in-law on what to pursue for her future after she graduates high school. My husband asked her what she likes to do best and was trying to narrow down options and see what would be best for her. However, he was not getting anywhere because either what he was talking about was too general or he didn’t have pinpointed options that would match what she was interested in. A few weeks later when we went to my in-laws’ for the weekend, we saw my sister-in-law engrossed in a pamphlet, so we asked her what she was reading. It was a pamphlet that Propel had put together to guide the young students towards a career they can pursue. It was amazing. My husband started reading out loud at the table and everybody was participating in saying how the descriptions match their personality and how a certain career would be a match for them.

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For the 2021-22 school year, plans are being developed to introduce these workshops into more of the community high schools and to integrate them into the schools’ career and college guidance programs.

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If you are interested in a career, please reach out to PROPEL and we can help you fulfill your professional goal. Call PROPEL at 646-494-0822 or Email: info@thepropelnetwork.org.

Please follow PROPEL on Instagram@propelnetwork.

Parenting Is a Privilege

Community Magazine

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July 2021

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Every parent wants their children to have the ability to live an active, productive, happy life. The question is how do we get the kids there?

Unfortunately, it is not unusual to watch families struggling with their children’s poor attitudes about doing work.

“Uch, I have to put my plate in the garbage?”

“I hate homework.”

“You always ask me to set the table.”

“Why do I always have to help you?”

These are nothing short of horrific comments that reflect the emotional demise of our generation.

The New Normal – Condemning Hard Work

First, let’s look at what has gone wrong in our society today. Why do people complain so much about having to work hard? Our great grandparents knew that hard work was good for them. Unfortunately, it became the norm in our society for people to avoid hard work. Let’s recognize that this new generation’s contempt for the value of hard work is all wrong.

In Dr. Martin Seligman’s book, The Optimistic Child, he states that he was baffled by the emotional state of American society that was plagued by rising levels of depression. So, he researched why this was the case in the second half of the 20th century. He looked to understand why it was that in a generation that had more conveniences than in any time in history, people were so miserable. Seligman concluded that for thousands of years, parents raised their children to believe that hard work was good for them. You want to be happy? Do something hard that affects positive change in the world around you. However, after World War II people adopted the belief that the best antidote to pain was indulgence. Basically, there was a cultural shift, where the old philosophy of “Do for your family, do for your country, do for your religion,”

became outmoded. It was replaced by the hedonistic take on life, “Do for yourself. Eat, drink, and be merry.” This take on life, however, is a sure recipe for misery! Many people sensed that something was wrong, and those are the ones who held on to the old value systems.

Tips to Raise Kids Who Embrace Hard Work

We want to raise our children to know that hard work is good for us. Use phrases often like, “We love hard work, hard work makes us smarter.” When you leave the supermarket with your children and everyone is carrying grocery bags to the car, make sure to comment, “What a gift! Carrying these groceries makes us stronger.” And say it like you mean it! When your children complain about a child in their class or a counselor in camp, after you have empathized with them, smile with confidence and say, “Who knows what great things in life this challenge with them is preparing you for?!”

Above all, modeling always takes the win! Let’s model for our children that we, too, love hard work. It will take time and mental energy to transform yourself into this type of person, but anyone can do it with patience and practice. Even though we live in an age of fast food and remote everything, we CAN remember that having the ability to do hard work is an awesome privilege.

And that leads us to recognizing that parenting is truly a tremendous privilege. Yup, waking up at night, changing diapers, being there emotionally, etc. are healthy opportunities for us. They are opportunities to give, to bring more joy into the world, to become happier people ourselves, and to help us reach our full potential. If our children see that we view things this way, they too will believe that hard work is good for us. Do whatever it takes to adopt this attitude. Attach fun to it. Put on music while you are changing your 12th diaper of the day. Take good care of yourself. And as your eyelids are drooping at the end of a long day of hard work, always remember that parenting is a privilege.

Dear Jido – July 2021

Community Magazine

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July 2021

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Dear Jido,

I’m a single working father of four. I’m often given unasked-for parenting advice from female parents who often, frankly, have much less parenting experience in general, and absolutely none with my own kids. This ranges from comments like, “Children often do better in their mom’s lap” as I’m booking airplane seats, to being the only parent on an email chain to get extra tips and help on a class project. I’m not sure that these comments are always meant in a helpful manner, and many of them seem to imply that men don’t really know how to parent their children. Any words of wisdom on this one?

Signed,

Father of Four

Dear Father of Four,

It is known that children relate to each parent in different ways. The Torah says, “Honor your father and mother” and also says, “A person should fear their mother and father,” putting the mother’s fear before the father’s, since according to our Sages, the fear of the father comes more naturally to a child.

A father generally represents strength and wisdom while the mother represents warmth and spirituality. Every child needs a combination of both.

It is a well-known saying that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Whatever that means is up for debate. But it is highly likely that you (and I as well), being a man, cannot fully understand the relationship that a child has to his/her mother and vice versa. I would say that, most likely, these women are giving you advice from their vantage point as females and mothers. Their comments are likely well founded, if not fully understood by fathers. In general, some people might act like jokers, and some might be sarcastic, but when it comes to the welfare of a child, most people take it very seriously.

Perhaps, do an experiment. Next time you get some unsolicited advice from a would-be do-gooder, run it by your oldest child. See what he/she says. You might find that it helps to complement the extraordinary effort you are putting in to raising your children, by yourself, to the best of your ability.

The wise man learns from everyone. Separate the wheat from the chaff and give your children the benefit of all four parenting traits (strength, wisdom, warmth, and spirituality).

Good luck,

Jido

Purchasing Power

Community Magazine

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July 2021

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A buyer’s purchasing power is now greater than ever. Purchasing power is defined by how much goods and services one can receive for their money. In our case, it refers to what type or size of house you can purchase. Since interest rates are now low, one can now buy a more expensive house at the same price but pay less in the long run.

Let’s take a look at the following example:

John Doe can only afford a $2,000 monthly mortgage payment (principal and interest).

The average mortgage rate currently in 2021 is approximately 3.1-3.3% while the average mortgage rate in 2019 was 4.45%. So, let’s make a basic calculation. If in 2019 John Doe bought a house with a loan amount of $410,000, assuming a 30-year fixed rate mortgage of 4.45%, his monthly principal and interest payment would be $2,065. However, if he were to purchase home in 2021 with a loan amount of $480,000, assuming a 30-year fixed rate mortgage, his monthly payments would also be approximately $2,076. That means that for the same amount of money, John can now afford a home that is over $70K more expensive than he could have purchased it for in 2019. (All prices and rates are on average. Rates and monthly payments are taken from Google mortgage calculator.)

That’s Amazing!

And you can be John Doe. You can afford more home with the same monthly payments because the rates are so low. This is one of the reasons I see an overabundance of vacant rentals because many people are choosing to buy now.

Electric Bill Overload

I am sure by now many of you have seen a difference on your electric bills. If you’re in the city your air conditioner is probably running full time. Here are some tips on how to save a little bit on your bill.

1. Cover your windows. Solar screens or mesh-like window screens are effective in blocking most of the heat that will enter via the windows. Window films are another great option, but they only work if the windows are closed.

2. Many times, we get home and we are boiling! We run over to the thermostat and turn it as low as possible. This does not cool your home any faster and can result in a bigger electric bill because of the excessive cooling. I know it’s hard to break this habit, but perhaps you can arrange a timer or a smart thermostat that will start the A/C at a normal temperature before you get home, so your house is cool to enter.

3. Give your A/C some TLC. An inefficient air conditioner raises your cooling costs. It’s running but not doing its job so well. Your filter should be cleaned at least once a month in the summer and even more if you have a dusty home or own furry pets. And if your A/C needs a little bit more help, hire a professional technician. It will save you money in the long run.

4. There’s a reason why barbecues are super popular in the summer. They keep the heat out of the house. Try to reduce the use of your stove and oven, especially midday. And I’m sure your family would be more than happy with a cool meal in the summer. Salads, fruit, and sandwiches are always delicious options.

5. Seal the leaks. We all know that feeling of having our A/C running full blast, but our kid left the door open. Check the most obvious leaks first, windows and doors. And then do a visual check inside and outside looking for any gaps the cold air can escape through.

Good luck battling the summer heat y’all! Feel free to share any other money-saving techniques with me. I’d love to expand my list. One place to reach me is my Instagram @TheBehfarTeam. Can’t wait to hear from you!

Mayor Sam Cohen Welcomes the Community to Deal

Community Magazine

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July 2021

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Mayor Sam Cohen Welcomes the Community to Deal

Dear Friends,

As we finally emerge from COVID-19, I am excited to welcome our residents and community members back to Deal for another exciting summer.

COVID-19 restrictions have eased dramatically and yet our highest concern at the Borough of Deal remains your health and safety. As we return to a true sense of normalcy, I want to remind residents to continue to exercise safety and caution during the busy summer months. We kindly remind cyclists to always wear a helmet and ride on the right side of the road, and please ensure that all bicycles are equipped with proper reflectors. Furthermore, we urge everyone to exercise extra vigilance with their vehicles and homes. When parking vehicles, please remove valuables and lock your car doors. As usual, should you have any concerns whatsoever, please visit us at: http://www.dealborough.com/ and fill out a “Report a Concern” form. If you require any immediate assistance, police, fire or first aid for an emergency, please dial 911.

While we remain focused on health and safety, we also continue with our pledge to maintaining the incomparable beauty and extraordinary services of the Borough of Deal as well. During the past year, we completed road resurfacing at Roosevelt Avenue, Monmouth Drive, Roseld Avenue, Woodford Road, Beringer Road, Whitehall Road, and Wallace Road. You will also notice upgraded Ocean Avenue street signs throughout the town with Norwood Avenue to follow. Furthermore, we continue to plant new trees, as well as replace struggling young trees.

On our beaches, it is critical that Deal both services beachgoers as well as manage its safety. Therefore, we have added lifeguards and will require a beach pass at all accessible points of entry. Please note Season passes can be purchased at Borough Hall and Individual weekday or weekend day passes can be purchased on the website: https://parksrec.egov.basgov.com/deal/.

I would like to thank the Borough of Deal team for their tireless efforts this past year. And on behalf of our team at the Borough of Deal, let me be the first to share warm wishes for a wonderful summer together.

Sincerely,

Samuel Cohen

Mayor of Deal