Every parent hopes that their children will grow up to be happy, confident, and smart problem-solvers. Let’s examine the thinking habits and behaviors of people who are like this. Then we can use this knowledge to teach our children to model them.
In a society where the norm is for children to complain about their hardships, we need to be extra vigilant about teaching our children how to be proactive rather than kvetch. Kids need to recognize that there are many circumstances in life that are beyond our control.
Common Mistakes
Mistake #1: Miserable people invest thought and energy into changing things that are out of their control. This leads us to mistake #2.
Mistake #2: Miserable people do not invest energy focusing on the parts of a situation that they are able to control.
For example, Joey comes home from school every day complaining that two kids on the bus tell him that he can’t sit with them. His mother mistakenly invests much time discussing the misdeeds of the other children. She calls up Joey’s teacher to find out why the other two boys exclude him and asks the teacher to encourage them to sit with him on the bus. The problem here is that they don’t want to sit with him, and since Joey’s mother is working so hard to fix this “problem” Joey now believes that this is very problematic. What a waste of time! Joey’s well-meaning mother spent all of her energy focusing on what she has no control over (other children’s choices, moods, attitudes, and behaviors) and no time asking Joey what he CAN do in this situation.
A Different Approach – Feel the Feeling and Move On
How would this story play out differently if Joey’s mother modeled the healthy mindset and actions of a happy, proactive person? She would be training his brain to embrace the hardships as an opportunity to grow, AND to focus on whatever he CAN control. I like to teach children to “FEEL THE FEELING AND MOVE ON.” Here is how that would work.
When Joey gets off the bus and complains that kids aren’t letting him sit with them, Mom would give him a big warm confident smile, and say, “that happens sometimes.” She would segue the conversation to a different topic, and if he brought it up again, she might say, “It sounds like that was hurtful,” or, “It sounds like you want to talk more about this.” Then, she will acknowledge the hardship in an empathetic way that also is balanced with vibes of strength.
After all, she is confident that if this challenge was sent to Joey, he is perfectly capable of dealing with it. She might ask him if he is looking for advice, and then say that she can think about it and get back to him. He should also think about it and get back to her. If he was asking for advice, she can point him in the direction of looking at his options. “It looks like these two boys like to sit together. You can’t control their choices. What CAN you do? It’s so normal to feel hurt. What would you like to do in the future?” Let Joey come up with his own ideas.
Focus on What You Can Control
When I teach children about how to let go of the things that are out of their control I like to present them with a metaphor: Imagine that you have a remote-control car in your living room. You are having a great time playing with it, until suddenly you look out your window and notice another child playing recklessly with his own remote-control car outside. He is knocking his remote-control car into full-size cars and almost getting it run over. You decide to “save” the car outside and use your own remote to control his car. You start to get frustrated that his car is not following your orders. How silly is it to think that it should?! You can only control your own car!
Next time your children are focusing on all the things about a situation that are out of their control such as, “My teacher gave us so much homework,” or, “A neighbor isn’t being nice to me,” validate your child’s feelings and then ask what they would like to do. If they answer that they would like the other person to change, you can say, “Sometimes I also feel like focusing on the parts of a situation I can’t control.” Then let your child come up with his or her own solutions. If your child IS asking for advice, you can say, “IF I were in your situation, I would…, but that’s just me. How would YOU like to go from here?”
Tuesday, June 15th, 2021, was originally planned as a typical day of school at Magen David Yeshivah. However, as Hashem would have it, the building would be blessed and privileged with a unique and glorious event – an honorable visit by the former Chief Rabbi of Israel, and current Chief Rabbi of Jerusalem, Hacham Shlomo Amar, shlit”a. Students from kindergarten through eighth grade arrived with great anticipation, all dressed in their crisp blue and white uniforms, and awaited a most sacred and special experience. The red carpet was rolled out, literally. The risers for the choir were erected. Spaces were roped off to provide a safe and spacious walkway for the Rabbi and his escorts. The stage was set, and the audience began to arrive.
A Royal Welcome
The middle schoolers, lined up along the driveway, stood in respectful silence while a full entourage accompanied the Hacham to add honor to his escort. Those included in the procession were the Rosh Yeshivah Rabbi Harold Sutton, Chief Rabbi Saul J. Kassin, Mashgiach Ruhani Rabbi Joey Haber, Principal Rabbi Ezra Cohen-Saban, Religious Advisor Rabbi Joey Mizrahi, Rabbi David Sultan, Rabbi Max Sutton, Mr. Jack Avital, and Mr. Harry Adjmi. Rabbi Amar approached the entrance to the building and the lobby fell silent. He was greeted by hundreds of students. The kindergarten and first grade students stood on either side and the fourth grade students watched from the mezzanine level. As he stood in the doorway, the choir began to sing Yaheed El Dagul. The Rabbi was visibly moved by the impressive welcome. He gave the famous blessing of Yaakov Abinu – Hamalach Hagoel to all those present, and he imparted words of Torah.
Next, the Rabbi was ushered into a packed auditorium with students and teachers standing with reverence for the great talmid hacham. As he made his way down the center aisle, Rabbis and students kissed his hands and were blessed. The audience was silent and respectful, eager to hear the sage’s words and powerful message.
Introductory Remarks
Introductory remarks were offered by the principal, Rabbi Ezra Cohen-Saban, who then welcomed Rabbi Saul Kassin to speak to the assembly. Rabbi Kassin spoke directly to the students, helping them frame the context of this inspiring visit. He related his memories of himself as a young MDY student witnessing the visit of the great Hacham Ovadia Yosef, zt”l, and how it was an unforgettable moment, forever etched in his soul. Rabbi Kassin explained how it is the kedusha of the Torah that Rabbi Amar represents that we revere. The kavod we bestow upon the man is for the wisdom and life of Torah he holds and imparts onto those in his presence. Before introducing Mr. Harry Adjmi, Rabbi Kassin instructed the children to do three things when the Rabbi speaks – stand to give kabod la’Torah, as the Rabbi is like a walking sefer Torah, listen to the holy words of Torah that the Rabbi will speak, and answer amen to the Rabbi’s blessings, which will, be’ezrat Hashem, come true for everyone.
Rabbi Amar’s Warm Response and Words of Torah
Rabbi Amar stood regally with such a strong, yet warm demeanor, with his royal robe and bright radiant expression. The Hacham, visibly moved by the experience, spoke in a well-paced and articulate Hebrew, allowing the students to absorb his message. His words of Torah and the blessings he bestowed on the audience were powerful. In an extraordinary measure, the Rabbi asked everyone to rise and repeat after him the words of Shema Yisrael and other verses in which we accept Hashem’s sovereignty in the world. Echoing his words of tefillah in unison was a life-altering experience that will forever remain with everyone present! It was a truly magnificent moment and our prayers were surely accepted by Hashem.
The Chief Rabbi then exited the auditorium and was greeted by the second and third grade students, as well as the recent eighth grade graduates. He graciously offered his blessings and imparted his final message before leaving.
It is a rare and precious opportunity to be in the presence of someone who lives such a pure life of Torah. Magen David was zoche to be honored by the great presence of the holy Rabbi and be’ezrat Hashem, may it continue to merit the adage, “יהי ביתך בית ועד לחכמים”, until the coming of Mashiah, amen!
The special month of Elul does not always come at a convenient time. Particularly this year, when Elul begins earlier in the summer than usual, it occupies a significant chunk of our summer, a time when we usually like to relax and enjoy trips, family get-togethers, social gatherings, and recreational activities. But precisely for this reason, it behooves us to reflect for a few moments on the meaning and significance of Elul, and on what this month is all about.
On the simplest level, Elul was earmarked as a special period for repentance since the time when our ancestors were encamped at Sinai. Forty days after receiving the Torah, on the 17th of Tammuz, they worshipped the golden calf, whereupon Gd decided to annihilate them. In response to Moshe’s pleas on the nation’s behalf, and the nation’s heartfelt repentance, Gd rescinded the decree. It was during the 40- day period from Rosh Hodesh Elul through Yom Kippur that Moshe earned Gd’s forgiveness, which Gd announced on Yom Kippur. From that time on, these 40 days have been a special period of compassion and forgiveness. The mercy Gd showed to His beloved nation during those 40 days at Sinai is reawakened each year during this time, making it an especially auspicious opportunity to earn forgiveness through our sincere, heartfelt prayers and repentance.
In truth, however, the unique status of Elul predates even the sin of the golden calf, and is rooted in the process of the world’s creation.
The Ultimate Act of Kindness
The Arizal (Rav Yitzhak Luria, 1534-1572) taught that Gd set up the world in such a way that our actions down below trigger actions in heaven. Through “it’areruta detata” – our “awakening” here on earth – there occurs an “it’areruta dele’ela’ – an “awakening” in the heavens. When we pray and perform mitzvot here in our world, this puts into motion certain processes in the upper worlds, resulting in “shefa” – an outpouring of blessing that comes from the heavens into our world. In order to receive Gd’s blessings, we must activate them through our actions.
There was, however, one obvious exception to this rule – the world’s creation. Of course, there were no people in existence to activate the spiritual forces and bring down Gd’s “shefa.” Gd’s creation of the world was thus an exceptional act of pristine hesed (kindness). He provided us with this beautiful world, with a world full of potential and blessing, without any “it’areruta detata,” without any person doing anything to receive it. The world’s creation marked the ultimate act of kindness.
Needless to say, this was done because there was no choice; there were no people to earn the “shefa” through their actions. But even so, Gd did not suspend the rule entirely. Nothing was done beforehand to bring the “shefa” of creation – so He gave it to the world “on credit,” so-to-speak.
This concept is taught to us by Rashi, in his very first remarks in his commentary to the Torah. Explaining the words, “Bereshit bara Elokim et hashamayim ve’et ha’aretz,” which are normally translated as, “In the beginning, Gd created heaven and earth,” Rashi writes that this translation is incorrect. This phrase actually means that Gd created heaven and earth “bishvil reshit – for the first,” meaning, for the sake of Am Yisrael, which is referred to as “reshit” (“the first”), and for the sake of Torah, which is also called “reshit.” In other words, Gd created the world even though this bounty was not earned because in the future, the Jewish Nation would arise and would perform mitzvot. He foresaw that the “credit” would eventually be paid, as it were, through the special, sacred actions which Am Yisrael would perform throughout their history.
It often goes overlooked that the anniversary of the world’s creation falls during the month of Elul. Rosh Hashanah, the first day of Tishri, celebrates the creation of Adam and Havah on the sixth and final day of creation – which means that the first day of creation was the 25th Elul. Indeed, some Kabbalistic sources teach that the 25th of Elul should be observed as a special day – a day when one must be particularly careful to avoid anger, and when one should eat festive meals, immerse in a mikveh, and give charity. There is also a custom to light five candles in the home on this day, corresponding to the five times the world “or – light” is mentioned in reference to the first day of creation.
Developing this point further, Elul represents the time when Gd acted out of absolute hesed, without any initiative on our part, creating the world “on loan,” with the expectation that it would be earned later through Am Yisrael’s good deeds. Each year, during the month of Elul, this special hesed is reawakened. As in the time of creation, Gd is prepared to grant us unbridled kindness and blessing even if we are undeserving – on the basis of our commitment for the future. As long as we genuinely commit to raise our standards during the coming year, to work harder to fulfill His will and refrain from wrongdoing, He is prepared to repeat the ultimate act of kindness, to create for us a beautiful world once again, in His infinite mercy and kindness, despite our current state of unworthiness.
We can harness this exceptional kindness, the kindness of creation, regardless of what this past year looked like. No matter how undeserving we might think we are of earning a favorable judgment this Rosh Hashanah, we can tap into the special hesed with which the world was created by committing ourselves to be better.
The Elul Scouting Mission
Further insight into the significance of this month can be gleaned by examining its name – “Elul.” Although this name does not appear to be related to any familiar Hebrew word, we do find it used in the Aramaic translation of Onkelos to the Humash.
The famous story of the spies begins with Gd’s command to Moshe to send men to “scout the land” (Bamidbar 13:2). Onkelos translates the word “veyaturu” (“and they shall scout”) as “vi’alelun.” The root of this Aramaic verb is alef, lamed, lamed – the same root as the word “Elul.”
The month of Elul, then, is a time for “scouting.” We are to thoroughly scour our characters and our conduct to determine where we can improve, what commitments we can and should make for the coming year in order to earn Gd’s kindness. And just as the scouts traveled throughout the Land of Israel during their mission, so must we examine the entirety of our lives. We are to think very carefully about our conduct in all areas – our relationships within the family, our professional conduct, how we treat and speak about our neighbors, friends and fellow community members, our adherence to halachah, our commitment to Torah study, our charitable donations and volunteer work, our prayers – everything. This process, obviously, takes time. We are given 40 days to “scout,” to search, to study ourselves, to think and to consider where we can improve and how these improvements can be made successfully.
True, this process is not exactly congruous with the relaxed, free-spirited mood of summer, the time when many of us like to “take it easy,” to not work too hard and not think too hard. But with the stakes this high, we have no choice. Sure, we are certainly entitled to relax and enjoy vacation time. But even so, we must ensure to allocate some time each day of Elul to our “scouting mission,” to serious soul-searching and contemplation so we can come before Gd on Rosh Hashanah with a genuine, precisely-formulated commitment to improve.
Recreating Our World
Our tradition associates each of the Jewish months with a different constellation, and the constellation associated with Elul is Virgo, an unmarried woman. The connection between Elul and this constellation lies in the theme of purity and newness. During Elul, we are given the opportunity to return to our original state of purity and regain our innocence. This concept, too, closely relates to the commemoration of the world’s creation. This month is uniquely suited to turn back the clock and recreate ourselves, to turn ourselves into what we should be. Regardless of the mistakes we’ve made and the sins we’ve committed, we are given the opportunity to start anew.
And, as this month marks the anniversary of the world’s creation, we are given the opportunity to earn a new creation, to have Gd recreate our world and our lives. In this month of special kindness, we beseech Gd to create the world anew, to give us a happier, more joyous and more peaceful world than the one we currently live in. Certainly, we all have much to be thankful for, and gratitude for our multitude of blessings must be a significant aspect of our process of “taking stock” as the year comes to an end. But as we all know; this has been a year of great pain and hardship for the Jewish People. The COVID-19 pandemic has taken many lives and many livelihoods. Several horrific tragedies have shaken the Jewish world over the last several months, such as the disaster at Meron on Lag Ba’omer, the deadly rocket attacks from Gaza, and, most recently, the building collapse in Florida. Let us all make the commitment to recreate ourselves so we will be worthy of a newly created world, a world without tragedy and pain, a world without poverty and deprivation, a world of peace, security and prosperity for all, a world in which Gd’s presence and infinite kindness are palpably felt and recognized by one and all, amen.
The U.S. Congress is often a place of such strife, such acrimony and enmity, but for a small chunk of time last month, it was a place of tremendous kiddush Hashem and achdut!
Who would have believed that the millions of people watching C-Span would hear words of the deepest praise and value for limud haTorah from the podium in Congress?! Who would have believed that a prominent congressman would get up and hail Torah education and limud haTorah as very important American values while expressing appreciation that there are lomdei Torah throughout the country devoting their time to learning Jewish texts of Torah?
That is exactly what happened last month when Congressman Don Bacon, a representative of the 2nd District of Nebraska, took the floor last month and made an unprecedented speech. Certainly, there has never been a time when the walls of Congress heard such praise for the ideal of limud haTorah and of learning Jewish texts. Indeed, the congressman told the august body that advancing Jewish scholarship and learning is what should be done in the face of evil.
Mr. Bacon’s unique remarks on the floor of Congress came in the aftermath of a seminal meeting between Rav Dovid Hofstedter and the congressman last month. At that meeting, Mr. Bacon, who had somehow heard about the Dirshu World Siyum held last year in Newark’s Prudential Center, expressed his admiration over the fact that such a massive public gathering was held to praise engagement in Torah scholarship and the moral lifestyle promoted by the Torah.
When Rav Hofstedter asked the congressman whether gatherings such as these should perhaps be minimized because of potential anti-Semitism, Congressman. Bacon replied, “No! The world needs to see how your community studies and embodies the uprightness and morality reflected in the Jewish texts that you study.”
Torah Umesorah’s Shabbat of Chinuch for Jersey Shore Community
It’s been two years since the first Shabbat of Chinuch, held for Jersey Shore’s Syrian Jewish community. While COVID closed down such Torah Umesorah events, now, with the cloud lifting, both Torah Umesorah and the community jumped right in.
Setting the tone was a Friday kabalat panim, welcoming rashei yeshivot who came from abroad as well as the community rabbanim. It was hosted by Mr. and Mrs. Danny Srour and chaired by Rabbi David Ozeri.
The grand finale, following a uniquely uplifting Shabbat was a melava malka in the home of Rabbi Meyer Yedid, held in conjunction with a siyum HaShas for the hilula of Rav Yedid’s father, Hacham Yom Tov Yedid, zt”l, last Chief Rabbi of Aleppo. A moving statement made there by Rabbi Frand, he stated, “If it were not for Torah Umesorah, I would not be here today!”
Torah Umesorah, in tandem with the mesirut nefesh of the local community, have created a beautiful tapestry of chinuch. It comes as no surprise, then, that next year’s Shabbat of Chinuch is already in the planning stages.
Deal Welcomes Camp Simcha Without Borders
Following the success of last year’s inaugural season, Camp Simcha Without Borders will be back in Deal for another incredible summer. Launched in 2020 during the COVID-19 pandemic, Camp Simcha Without Borders was developed to safely bring the magic of Camp Simcha, Chai Lifeline’s flagship summer program for children with life-threatening and lifelong illnesses, to communities across the country. Camp Simcha Without Borders operates day camps and hosts special events in all of Chai Lifeline regions across the country.
Camp Simcha Without Borders girls session ran on July 6th. The boys session will take place on August 3rd. The girls session was generously hosted by community members Ricky and Jamie Cohen and the boys session will be hosted by Jeff and Rachel Sutton.
“To provide a moment of joy in anyone’s life is something that is incumbent upon each of us” said Ricky Cohen. “To do so with children in pain is what the Borei Olam wants and expects.”
Chai Lifeline is an international children’s health support network providing social, emotional, and financial assistance to children with life-threatening or lifelong illnesses and to their families. To learn more, visit www.chailifeline.org.
“I always wanted to be a teacher and view life from a positive perspective. Therefore, as an educator my goal is to help students be the best version of themselves.”
~~ Rachel ~~
I met Rachel in the courtyard of a synagogue in La Jolla, California, while playing with my grandson during a family visit. What a win for me! As we played Jewish geography Rachel and I immediately found common ground in our Brooklyn roots.
Rachel Abraham, née Tawil, grew up in Brooklyn and is the youngest child of Carol Abady and Mikey Tawil. Rachel has five older brothers, who are all an integral part of her life. Both her parents and grandparents are of Syrian descent and are members of the Brooklyn Syrian community. Rachel’s great grandparents emigrated from Aleppo, Syria. Time spent with her Ashkenazi maternal grandmother from a young age instilled in Rachel a strong appreciation for different cultures.
Rachel attended Magen David Yeshiva from nursery through high school. “MDY was the most formative institution in my life and was the lifeblood of my childhood. I grew up with legends of the school. My grandparents were involved with MDY, my mom is a teacher there and so was my maternal grandmother and my sister-in-law. My oldest brother is a MDY rabbi, my first cousin, an assistant principal, and my dad was a school president. It’s no surprise that my dream was to be a teacher.”
Rachel describes herself as a spiritual, energetic, enthusiastic, social, and friendly person. She is passionate about people and loves making new friends. Rachel cherished her years at MDY and found school to be safe and fun. “I was my best self as a kid. I loved the other students and won the student athlete sportsmanship award because of my relationships with my teammates,” Rachel recalls. Reading and literature were her favorite subjects and her summers in Deal were “idyllic.” She thrived as both a camper and counselor at Camp David in NJ, building strong relationships with her siblings and mentors there.
A Love of Learning
As I listened to Rachel’s account of her childhood, her trajectory as a student, and her career path, I understood that a strong love of learning is a major driver in Rachel’s life. Love of learning is more than just intellectual curiosity. Love of learning is connected with the way a child or adult engages new information and skills. The educators in Rachel’s life, including her mother, grandmother, and siblings, were inspiring role models. Her maternal grandmother became a pre-school teacher at 60!
Rachel dreamed of becoming an English teacher. She was accepted into the Willian E. Macauley Honors Program at Brooklyn College. As Rachel approached high school graduation, she resolved to keep her Judaic spark alive and enrolled in the Allegra Franco Sephardic Women’s Teachers College.
After graduating from Brooklyn College, Rachel signed up for an online master’s degree in Jewish Education at Yeshiva University.
Rachel yearned to give back to her community. She wanted to infuse children’s lives with the love of Torah, and to influence them by imparting the Torah’s guidance and life lessons.
A Match Made in Heaven
As my readers know by now, as a matchmaker, I enjoy hearing how couples met, if they care to share. Rachel knew her husband Mickey and his family from childhood. They prayed at the same shul. Several people had told Mickey and Rachel about one another, saying they would be great together. Rachel’s oldest brother, Ikey, gave Mickey Rachel’s phone number but forgot to tell Rachel that Mickey would be calling.
“Mickey phoned me thinking I was expecting his call. He starts off with, ‘This is Mickey’ and it was so awkward! I asked, ‘Mickey who?’”
Rachel agreed to go out to dinner with Mickey and the two really hit it off. Mickey, two years older than Rachel, had many qualities and experiences that drew her to him. “He was intelligent, worldly, and dedicated in his commitment to helping people by choosing medicine. Mickey attended Ashkenaz yeshivot and had a diverse background, straddling both the Talmudic and science worlds. He was so warm and kind, and his family was wonderful!”
Mickey studied in China and Peru and volunteered for a year with Kids of Courage, an organization that is dedicated to supporting sick children and their families.
Mickey’s grandfather was born in a Japanese internment camp in Shanghai to an Iraqi Jewish family. He moved to England and eventually to Brooklyn’s Syrian community.
Rachel and Mickey were married in 2015. Rachel taught second grade at her alma mater, MDY, and Mickey graduated YU, enrolled in a graduate program in bioethics and applied to medical school. The following year, the couple moved from Brooklyn to Deal when Mickey entered Rutgers University Medical School. In Deal Rachel taught Jewish studies at Hillel Yeshiva for four years. She worked with lower division students (third to fifth grade) as well as middle division children.
While Mickey enjoyed his deep dive into med school, Rachel was developing her mission as a teacher.
“I help kids navigate their challenges while treating them with respect. I support them to be their best selves the way my teachers did. A Judaic studies teacher can be a spiritual guide and a lifeline to students. I aim for a cyclical learning environment where I learn from them, too.”
The couple’s son Morris (now three years old) was born during Rachel’s second year at Hillel. Having paid daycare at Hillel allowed her to return to teaching when Morris was three months old. Rachel connected with her prior year’s Hillel female students during weekly evening shiurim. One of the topics covered was women in Tanach.
Moving Out West
San Diego, California
When the couple relocated to California for Mickey’s seven-year residency in neurosurgery at University of California San Diego, Rachel realized she was facing a huge transition. “I was terrified, and I felt so many emotions. I had never even visited California. Mickey had made two trips. We opened the match email on a Zoom call with both families. After we recovered, Mickey and I agreed this would be our next adventure and an opportunity to live in a beautiful and warm city. After all, on our first date, Mickey told me he wanted to be a neurosurgeon!”
Rachel’s positive energy and half-glass full approach to life paved the way for a successful move. Moving across the country in June 2020, three months after the onset of the pandemic, with a two-year old, was no easy feat.
Rachel proudly kicked off her sixth year of teaching in California. In the morning, she is at Torah High School of San Diego, an all-girls Orthodox high school, and in the afternoons she teaches third grade at Soille San Diego Hebrew Day School. “I adjust from high school to third grade in the same day. School saved my life this year. When we made the tremendous move out west, teaching gave my day meaning and was my anchor, and was something exciting to look forward to.”
Rachel enjoys teaching her high school students about female role models in Tanach, communicating that they can learn from women of our ancient texts. She asks her students to articulate at least one takeaway.
Rachel consistently strives to enhance her teaching approach. “Mickey is the most supportive human being on the planet, encouraging me to further my education and do what fulfills me.”
Finding Balance
Rachel has a lot on her plate with teaching at two schools, a toddler in pre-k, and a baby in daycare, with no grandparents close by as back up. Mickey works long days and sometimes six days a week. How does Rachel keep all the balls in the air? “We give each other grace. Family comes first. No phones during dinner, I grade papers after we eat, Sunday is family day – it’s quality vs. quantity when it comes to time together and Mickey’s demanding schedule.”
Community and Connection
Before moving, the couple reached out to Rabbi Daniel Reich and his wife Brooke of Congregation Adat Yeshurum. Rachel lined up job interviews and presented model lessons on Zoom and even found an apartment virtually.
Rachel and Mickey are grateful for the warm welcome of the Reich’s and the Adat Yeshurun community, including the young professionals.
Although Mickey attended Ashkenaz yeshivot, Rachel admits that Shabbat services were a culture shock at first. They adjusted to the davening and things improved from a Covid standpoint. Their daughter Jennifer, five months old, was born in California. The community generously provided a Meal Train, invited them for Shabbat meals, and they began to feel “comfortable, loved, and settled.”
Rachel has cooked for her new friends and introduced them to Syrian delicacies. “Food is a huge cornerstone and brings people together. I share all my Sephardic cookbooks.”
To relax and recharge, Rachel loves to read and spend time with her family. You can connect with Rachel by email at tawilrachel@gmail.com.
Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach. Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching. Ellen works part-time as an entitlement specialist at Ohel Children’s Home and Family Services. She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).
Eight years ago, the Mitzvah Man organization received a unique request. The caller, Mrs. H., explained the following:
“Baruch Hashem, we are a wealthy family living in a luxurious home. Everything our family could possibly need is at our fingertips. Financially we are on top of the world. However, our 14-year-old son, Joey, just takes it all for granted. He is becoming extremely spoiled. We want to instill him with a sense of values, but he just doesn’t seem to be appreciative.
“I have an idea, but it might not work. We know that the Mitzvah Man organization sends volunteers to deliver food packages to the needy and elderly. Could you send a volunteer to pick up my son so that he could help him on his route?”
“It would be our pleasure,” answered the Mitzvah Man.
The Experiment
The next Thursday afternoon a volunteer named Avi went to pick Joey up. Their first stop was to load the car with the boxes.
Avi explained, “These food packages provide sustenance for those who are in financial trouble, are ill, or elderly. The people who get them have no families to provide for them. Today we have six deliveries to make. Thank you for helping with this act of kindness.”
It was a sweltering, humid summer day, the temperature reaching 95 degrees, It was not a day most would relish schlepping heavy boxes.
After loading the van, the first stop was to an apartment building where two families lived who were food recipients. Avi got out of the van and Joey asked him if he should wait for him.
“No, I want you to feel the mitzvah,” Avi responded.
Joey had never seen such a place in his life. The building was totally rundown. It screamed of poverty, which was something that Joey had never been exposed to.
Joey told Avi that he was not going to lift the boxes. But Avi responded that he needed his help.
“I will take one box and you will take one box.”
Joey looked up at the tenth floor and asked, “Why are the windows open? Don’t they have A/C?”
Avi said, “They can’t afford it. Not everyone can.”
Joey noticed all the flies in the building and hesitated. Avi was right there with him.
“We have no choice. This is poverty and this is how these people live their lives 24/7. Let’s go. These families are waiting for their food delivery. You go to apartment 10L, and I will go to apartment 8B. You go first.”
“How do I open the lobby door?”
“Simple. Put the box down, press the button to open the door, pick the box back up, and push the door open. Then, when you get to the apartment, knock on the door and leave the box there. Don’t wait for them to open the door. We don’t want to embarrass the family.”
Joey looked around. The sight of the inside of the dilapidated building gave him pause for thought.
Avi and Joey finished all the deliveries and by the end of their route they were both covered in sweat. Avi reported back to the Mitzvah Man that their mission was accomplished. He assumed that Joey would not be back.
The Happy Ending
Mrs. H. called the Mitzvah Man. “What did you do to my son? He loved it!”
“Excuse me, but what do you mean?” the Mitzvah Man asked.
“He wants to go again!”
Avi picked up Joey the following week. It was hot and humid just like the previous week. Joey did the deliveries like a pro. He continued to join Avi doing deliveries for another five weeks until school started.
His mother called the Mitzvah Man thrilled. “I think that this hesed has really made a difference. Joey is showing more appreciation for everything. I am incredibly grateful for the hesed that you did for our family.”
Eight years later Avi saw his old delivery buddy Joey, now with his own car, which is loaded full of food boxes!
When Avi approached Joey, Joey said to him, “I have my own car and I decided to dedicate myself to making food deliveries. The people need the food, and I am going to get it to them no matter what.”
Give your children the training to give to others early in life. They deserve your investment in making them ba’alei hesed. Doing hesed is best learnt young. Lead by example and it will produce results.
Niçoise salad is a dish that originated in the French city of Nice. It is traditionally served on a bed of lettuce and topped with cooked potatoes, hard-boiled eggs, string beans, olives, and tuna, and topped with a savory olive oil dressing. This recipe has a delicious honey-mustard vinaigrette which compliments the saltiness of the olives. Add-ons vary from cherry tomatoes to chickpeas. Feel free to add or subtract any ingredients to your liking. Regardless of what you add to this flavorsome salad, one thing’s for sure – you’ll be wanting more!
Salad
3 cans tuna in oil, drained
6 hard boiled eggs, peeled and halved
4 small red potatoes
2 Persian cucumbers, sliced
Salt
Black pepper
1 large bag chopped romaine lettuce
1 red onion, thinly sliced
1 cup canned black beans
8 ounces green beans, trimmed and cut
1/4 cup kalamata olives
Vinaigrette
1/3 cup lemon juice or red wine vinegar
3/4 cup olive oil
2 tablespoons basil or 4 frozen cubes basil
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
1 tbsp honey
2 cloves minced garlic
Salt and pepper to taste
1. Make vinaigrette: In a jar, vinaigrette ingredients and cover with a lid and shake until well blended. Add salt and pepper to taste. Set aside.
2. Scrub potato peels and slice in half. Cut into wedges and place potatoes on a large baking sheet with 2 tbsp olive oil. Add salt and pepper and toss to coat. Bake uncovered at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 20 minutes. Set aside.
3. While the potatoes are baking, fill a medium-sized pot halfway with water. Add 2 teaspoons of salt. Bring to a boil and add the green beans to the boiling water.
4. Cook the green beans for about 3-5 minutes and drain and either rinse with cold water to stop the cooking, or shock for half a minute in ice water and set aside.
5. Arrange a bed of lettuce on each salad plate. Mound tuna in the center of lettuce.
6. Arrange the potatoes and green beans at the edges of the plate.
7. Add the remaining salad components – sliced onions, black beans, hard boiled eggs, cucumbers, and olives
8. Dress salad with vinaigrette just before serving.
There has never been a better time to delve into a world of knowledge with only a computer and a curious mind.
Ever wanted to learn game development or web programming from the experts at Harvard? Or how to create web design from the California Institute of the Arts? Now you can, tuition-free, and without even leaving your home!
Some two hundred universities around the globe have created thousands of courses, which are absolutely free to the public and can be accessed online. These available courses are in addition to the already exiting ten thousand courses from more than 800 universities participating in what is called “MOOCs,” or Massive Open Online Courses, an initiative that began about ten years ago by edX, a global non-profit that calls itself “the educational movement for restless learners.”
All the courses mentioned here are available for free. They run the gamut of educational subjects, including computer science, math, programming, humanities, health, business, engineering, art, and design. Many of the courses can be taken at the learner’s own pace. They are offered in a variety of languages.
Acquire Skills and Learn About the Latest Trends
Learn problem solving skills that can be applied to everything from science and engineering to economics and finance in Harvard University’s “Introduction to Probability” course. Try your hand at front-end web development or app development with courses from the Hong Kong University of Science and Technology. The University of Alberta offers a video game programming course. The University of Minnesota offers “IT Infrastructure and Emerging Trends,” which covers the latest trends in IT (Information Technology) such as blockchain, security, and the ways the fundamental technical aspects of IT are influenced by emerging trends.
In today’s world it is critical for professionals to recognize that technology is integrated into nearly every industry, which is why institutions like IE Business School (Instituto de Empresa in Madrid, Spain) offer “Intelligence Tools for the Digital Age.” This course helps business professionals adopt an intelligence analyst’s perspective for the age of AI (Artificial Intelligence). “Social and Digital Media Analytics” from Purdue University dives into the application of digital and social media for business operation. Rutgers University’s “Influencer Marketing Strategy” doubles down on social media to help one better understand how to become a successful influencer across multiple industries.
Duke University and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) offer machine learning. Several post-secondary institutions, including the University of California, Berkeley, offer free courses on the blockchain, Bitcoin, and cryptocurrency. The course offers an in-depth overview of these currencies’ fundamental concepts and are open to anyone, regardless of background or level of expertise.
Palo Alto Networks offers a number of cybersecurity courses. Yonsei University of South Korea offers a course called “Big Data Emerging Technologies.” It covers the industry of big data in hardware, software, and professional services, with a focus on the three big data technologies: Hadoop, Spark, and Storm. The course is designed to help you in business strategy in the upcoming “big data” era.
Embark on a Learning Adventure in Business, Physical Sciences, or Social Sciences
Courses in the field of business abound. Harvard offers “Improving Your Business Through a Culture of Health.” MIT and Stanford give real estate courses, and other schools offer a wide range of business-related subjects, dealing with fintech (financial technology), stock market concepts, finance, and accounting. Rutgers University offers a course titled “Influencer Marketing Strategy,” and Korea Advanced Institute of Science and Technology offers “Finance for Startups.”
In the social sciences arena, courses include Harvard’s “Citizen Politics in America: Public Opinion, Elections, Interest Groups, and the Media,” “U.S. Public Policy: Social, Economic, and Foreign Policies,” and “US Public Policy: Social, Economic, and Foreign Policies.” The University of Amsterdam offers a social sciences course entitled “Logic for Economists,” which provides a brief introduction to logical mathematical concepts.
Learn meteorology from Harvard, quantum computing from MIT, or nuclear reactor physics basics from the National Research Nuclear University. The University of Alberta offers a course on black holes. King’s College London provides a course on “The Science Behind Forensic Science.” For those who prefer gazing directly at the sky rather than using computer models, Harvard offers “Backyard Meteorology: The Science of Weather,” which teaches students how to make observational weather forecasts while also highlighting the limitations of predicting weather with the naked eye.
Many universities offer courses in journalism and health sciences. Similarly, institutions like the University of Toronto and Coventry University offer personal development courses like “Communication Strategies for a Virtual Age” and “Emotional Intelligence at Work,” which will help professionals of all ages, both within and outside of the workplace.
And finally, if you did not manage to make the cut as an astronaut, at least you can take a course on “Engineering the Space Shuttle,” offered from MIT.
The examples above are only a small sample of the thousands of free online courses available to students, professionals, and inquisitive minds around the world. Hundreds of new courses are added each year, as more and more universities, colleges, and educational institutions provide tuition-free lessons taught by leading academics. There has never been a better time to delve into a world of knowledge with only a computer and a curious mind.
This meal just screams summer! Nothing better than these beer-battered fish tacos. I always pair them with avocado corn salad and coleslaw.
Beer-Battered Fish
1. Use either flounder or tilapia and cut into strips.
2. For the batter start by combing all-purpose white flour with seasonings. I like to use chili lime spice. Or you can season with salt, garlic powder, and paprika instead.
3. Add in any beer you have on hand until your batter reaches the consistency of pancake batter. You do not want it to be runny. It should be more on the thicker side.
4. Marinate the fish until you’re ready to fry them.
Avocado Corn Salad
1. Roast a bag of frozen corn. Lay the corn (no need to defrost) on a tray sprayed with Pam.
2. Drizzle 1 tbsp. oil on top, and season with 1 tsp. salt and 1/2 tsp. garlic powder. Mix it all together. Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for around 35 minutes until the kernels look nice and roasted.
3. Now for the red pepper. You can use the jarred ones but I always prefer to make them myself. Cut a red pepper in half the long way. Take out the seeds and bake face-down on a tray lined with parchment paper. Bake at 450 degrees for around 20 minutes until the outer skin starts to get black and blistery. Cool and then peel off the skin. It comes off very easily. Cut the roasted pepper into small pieces.
4. Mix all ingredients together (you won’t need all the corn – leave the rest to snack on). You can also add in a seeded cubed jalapeño pepper for a little extra heat.
5. Dress the salad with 1/2 cup lemon juice, 2 tbsp. olive oil, 1 tsp. salt, 2 tsp. garlic powder, and 2 tsp. cumin.
Coleslaw
Make a basic coleslaw. I use the ready-bagged coleslaw mix and dress it with 1/2 cup mayonnaise, 1 tbsp. sugar, 1 tbsp. white vinegar, 1 tsp. salt, and my secret (or not-so-secret) ingredient is 1 tsp. celery seeds. Mix together and let it marinate until you’re ready to assemble!
Taco Shells
You can use a regular corn taco shells but I like to make my own. I use my favorite tortilla wraps and put them in the oven in between the oven racks to make the taco shell shape.
Bake wraps at 350 degrees for around 15 minutes until they start to harden.
Now assemble your tacos right before serving and enjoy!
Sarah Husney is a food photographer servicing NY & NJ. She has clients from the food businesses in the community upgrading their photos for Instagram and websites. She also takes photos for restaurants on UberEats, and is featured on Kosher.com for styling and photography. Contact info: 917 626 2991 / @sarahhusney_foodphoto.
I hope you are enjoying summer and staying cool. This month, I would like to bring you into the world of valuing a house. How do agents decide how much your house is worth?
Tailoring a Home’s Valuation
I do not price a home using the CRM (Customer Relationship Management) system. Many brokers do. They input the information into the computer system, and it spits out a price. Every broker has a system that works for them.
I recently met a seller, and I priced their home at $1 million. They told me that another broker had told them it was worth $937K, which is an oddly specific number. The broker had put the information into the CRM, which analyzes data of other homes that were recently sold in the area. If a house sold three blocks away for less, but it was backing the train or was on a less desirable block, the system does not take those things into account. CRM will price your home for less and the opposite can happen, too. A seller has to check the price and see if it makes sense.
One of the more difficult parts of a selling a home is figuring out what a home’s value is and being confident in the value you named.
Sometimes I think a home is worth a certain price, but I’ll give wiggle room in the asking price and will be surprised by what is offered. But sometimes I’ll see a house that is amazing, but 40 showings later it’s still on the market. I gave an educated valuation, but these are not always perfect.
Factors to Consider for Pricing
Every house is both different and the same. Many sellers have something in their house that they love and think raises their home’s value, but this is not necessarily true. Buyers might not care to renovate and may not need all the finishes. What may be something positive to you, and therefore increases the price in your eyes, may not be something that everyone cares about.
I educate the seller about what actually determines the value of a home. I speak about lot size, build, and most importantly what is currently available and what has recently sold.
Just because your neighbor sold a similar home for a certain amount three years ago does not mean you can get the same price. The market is at two different places.
I met with a seller a while back and they ended up going with an agent that priced the home a lot higher than what it was worth. It was a four bedroom, with no third floor. The asking price was $3 million. Down the block was a ground up construction asking for $3.1 million. Their house did not sell.
Brokers need to educate sellers. What’s on the market? What’s on the market and isn’t moving? What is selling?
I analyze the market weekly to keep my finger on the pulse. I check out what sold, what’s in contract, and in what area. Once I show the seller how I valued their home and why, we give it a bit of wiggle room, launch the house, and see how the market reacts.
For example, if we launch a house, with a full marketing work up plus advertising and three weeks go by without an offer, we go back to the drawing board and readjust the price.
When you sell your home, ask questions. Ask how the realtor decided on that price. Perhaps your home is actually worth more or less. Do not let brokers just pull a number out of a hat. I love it when sellers want to know more and I am sure other brokers love it, too. Stay curious!
Fun Fact
$1M home values are becoming more common. The number of cities where the typical home values are at least $1M has grown 51% over the last five years. 218 cities are deemed “million-dollar cities” according to Zillow. It’s interesting because the “mansion tax” is 1% of the purchase price of a home over $1M. I don’t know about outside of Brooklyn, but these days there is nowhere in the area I service where you can get a “mansion” for $1M. I think the city needs to reevaluate what they consider a mansion, lol!
