63.3 F
New York
Saturday, June 28, 2025
spot_img
Home Blog Page 83

Once Upon a Thyme – Yemenite soup with flanken

This Yemenite soup with flanken is the epitome of hearty. The buttery flanken, wholesome vegetables, and rich broth will keep you yearning for another bowl. The clear broth is achieved by cooking the cilantro in a removable mesh bag – which is key to getting picky eaters to try something new. Warm, filling, and nutritious, this soup is perfect as a first course on Sukkot, or during the week as a one pot dinner. 

Serves 8

 

3 tbsp oil  

2 onions peeled and diced 

2 lbs boneless flanken 

½  tsp turmeric 

½ tsp coriander 

½ tsp cumin 

½ tsp cardamom 

8 cloves minced garlic 

1 bunch fresh cilantro 

4 potatoes peeled and cubed 

Optional: frozen wontons or dumplings 

Salt and pepper 

  1. In a heavy 6 quart pot, heat oil and add the chopped onions. Let the onions cook for several minutes until they are softened and brown, then add carrots and cook for another 5 minutes.
  2. Sprinkle the flanken with salt and pepper. Make a well in the middle of the carrot and onions and add the meat to the pan and sear, stirring occasionally, until browned on all sides.
  3. Add cubed potatoes and spices and cover with 14 cups of water. 
  4. Clean cilantro while keeping leaves and stems intact. Place most of the cilantro in a cheesecloth and tie into a knot. Set aside remaining leaves for garnish. 
  5. Add cilantro bundle and garlic to the pot and bring to a boil. Lower to a simmer and cook for 3-4 hours. 
  6. Remove the cilantro bundle and add salt and black pepper to taste. 
  7. Optional: bring soup to a boil and add frozen wontons or dumplings. Cook soup for 10 more minutes and remove immediately so they don’t get soggy or break.
  8. Top with chopped cilantro and serve.

Dear Jido – October 2022

Dear Jido, 

My boss is retiring, and our office wants to make a farewell dinner. The plan right now is to order dinner from a local restaurant and then to split the bill between everyone other than the boss. Since the food won’t be kosher, I don’t feel that I should pay for everyone else’s dinner, especially since I’ll have to bring my own food.  How can I tell my coworkers diplomatically that I won’t be paying the same as everyone else?   

Signed, 

Party Planner 

Dear Party Planner,  

If you’re concerned (1) that they’ll be serving meat and milk and you are helping to pay for that or (2) that there are other Jewish people in the office who would be eating unkosher food that you helped to provide, then you are correct, you should not contribute.  

If on the other hand, you’re only talking about it not being “fair” because you have to pay for a dinner that you’re not eating. Well, sometimes you just have to swallow your pride and ante up.  

How to break the news diplomatically if you decide not to pay? Do the math and then suggest: 

“Hey guys, we have to get the boss something to remember us by. Let’s get him a $500 gift certificate to Amazon and I’m willing to give x dollars more than my share for it ‘cause I’m not paying for the meal.”  

 By the time THEY do the math, they won’t be concerned that you’re not picking up your share of the tab. 

 That’s what I would do…  

Jido

How One Soldier Rose Up in Rank When His Senior Officer Fell in Battle – A Yom Kippur War Testimony

– Avi Kumar

David Caspi was born David Zilberman in 1938 in Izmir, Turkey. Caspi’s father’s paternal ancestors were Ashkenazim who moved from Ukraine to Turkey. His mother was of Ladino-speaking Sephardic heritage. In 1948 his family moved to Israel, in the middle of War of Independence.  

During the Six Day War in 1967, Caspi served in a tank unit along the Egyptian border. His battalion boasts having deployed the first tanks to reach the Suez. During that war, he was promoted from Captain to Major. 

After the war ended, Caspi returned to civilian life, and regularly was called to reserve duty, which was routine for Israeli citizens. He lived in Ramle and worked as a high school principal at a school he had founded.  

Called Again – to Serve in the Yom Kippur War 

When Israel came under attack on all sides in 1973, at the start of the Yom Kippur War, Caspi again received the call to return active service. He and his wife had three children and his wife was five months pregnant at the time. “It was a very difficult moment,” Caspi recalled in an exclusive interview with Community Magazine. “I can never forget my pregnant wife’s face as she was waving goodbye from upstairs at the balcony, while I looked on from outside. That memory still stands out as if it were yesterday,” he related with a sigh. Caspi continued, “Two familiar faces I knew from the Six Day War were in the car that came to pick me up.” His comrades were Tuvia Toren from Haifa and Rami Givoni from Kibbutz Mabarot. “It was such an ordeal, being called up again, after a very recent miraculous victory. It would be very emotionally taxing for anyone, especially for fathers, again separated from their children, not to mention their wives. In fact, nobody in the vehicle that headed from Ramle to Jerusalem said a word along the way. We were all sitting there, pensive with our own thoughts and emotions. I cursed to myself, ‘lazazel!’ literally ‘to hell’ as we drove.”

The team then climbed into the tanks and were off to Golan heights. The British-made Centurion tanks of Division 205 had to reach the Syrian border to face the enemy to the North. The other vehicles on the road were mostly tanks and other support vehicles. Caspi recalls how they carried a lot of equipment and ammunition. “We left with 95 tanks, but only 55 reached the Syrian border in time because they would fall apart or get stuck along the way. Rami and Tuvia went ahead of me on the outbound journey, and both would, alas, not return to the tale.” Monday, the eighth of October the battalion first faced the Syrians in battle at the Golan Heights.  “It was mostly armored tanks vs. armored tanks. The Golan is a very hilly and rocky terrain. There was not much infantry against us because the Syrians had a nearly unlimited amount of artillery and Soviet-made weapons, so spending too much time outside would be risky. That’s how our battles ensued. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday just went on like this. Wave after wave of Syrians came through relentlessly but we managed to push them away from the border-zone. After those three days, every inch of Ramat Golan was finally under our wing.”   

Headed into Syria 

Instead of a jubilant smile, when the 84-year-old Caspi continued, he dropped his head and his voice fell into a solemn tone. “The next set of orders were to go inside the border to hunt down the Syrian troops that had not penetrated and ‘to use our success to get more success.’ This was a very bad decision. We should have just finished it then and there. Instead, we went in for so much unnecessary loss of life.”  Caspi stated that he believes that a good soldier knows when to pick his battles.

He continued, “So, on the 10th, we breached the Syrian interior. But we were overconfident, and it took a massive toll. Many of our comrades were killed or gravely injured in front of us in this theater. Going into Syria was just a big mistake. The Syrians had a huge advantage of being on the home turf and on higher ground. The Syrians also had superior numbers and brought forth tons of Soviet-made equipment. They had an added edge at night, with Russian provided night-vision glasses, something that we were unfamiliar with.  

“I lost many comrades in the fateful fighting, and we accomplished nothing. The Soviet-made AT-3 Sagger nicknamed ‘Sagger missile’ was perhaps the most dreaded weapon in the Syrian arsenal. It took out many Israelis. I witnessed firsthand how my friend Rami fell in combat. As the rest of the tank crew managed to escape, Rami was stuck inside a crumbling tank. He was injured, and he slowly succumbed to his wounds. It was very painful to witness the Syrians salvage the tank and capture Rami’s corpse. They would return the body some eight months later. 

My regiment was 25 km away from the Israeli border inside Syrian territory, and his battalion, as well as Division 205, were edging very close to Damascus. We were in the most northern theater of the Yom Kippur War. Yes, the Syrians had so many Russian made gadgets, but we were fortunate that they did not have the best training and knowledge as to how to use them efficiently. Had they had that advantage, things would have been worse for us, undoubtedly.” Caspi was second-in-command during this surge of events. 

Promotion in the Midst of Battle

Inside Syria, Tuvia fell after being hit in the neck by an artillery shell on the 16th. His commander, Yossi Peled, turned to Caspi and announced “David, you are now in charge. Don’t say anything!” Caspi shrugged with a very serious air. “Of course, I could not say anything. We had hundreds of burned-out tanks piled up in front of us and so many dead commanders. Inside the battle I just got promoted up the chain of command in an instant. I had no time to ask or think. I got the order to continue and so I did. I had been a Major, and was now a Lieutenant-Colonel. I commanded through five days of intense shelling, as Iraqi expeditionary reinforcements arrived with planes, artillery, and waves of fresh battle-ready troops. They seemed to be advancing closer and closer – but we would not go down so easily. We had to endure. From morning till nightfall, we would fire away, and we were never sure if we would live another day. But we managed to hold our own.  By the 21st of October they announced a ceasefire.” 

From the Far North to the Far South

“Initially, I felt relief and assumed that the war was over, and we could finally go home to our families. But, alas, this was not the case. I was then summoned to Sinai, escorted by commanders Yossi Peled, Moshe Meler, and Guy Yakobson. It took two days for our tanks to arrive, and in the meantime, I was given a helicopter tour to scout and plan our battle strategy before that attack. I then remember sitting in the tanks near the Suez between the Egyptian’s Second and Third Army Divisions waiting for the orders. Then we got the order that my regiment had to cross the canal and get 101 km from Cairo and hold the military there. 101 is a technical term! The goal was to give a message that we were a formidable opponent.”

“This was my second time in the Suez and, yet again, I was not there for a vacation,” Caspi smiled. He reminisced how his squadron’s tanks were the first to arrive in the Suez in the Six Day War. And this time he crossed the canal once more and got into Egyptian territory – another victory! Caspi continued, “We had won after Kissinger had negotiated a ceasefire! I stayed in the Suez for five months after the war.” When Caspi went home for one of his breaks from service, his wife gave birth to their baby (who they named Golan). He told his officer about the well-timed birth, and the officer replied in disbelief, “How did you make such an arrangement?!” Caspi laughed. “He wondered how I could ‘order’ a woman to deliver a baby on a certain date, but that was Gd’s work!”   

Caspi enjoys his well-deserved retirement in Israel. His riveting book, When Grandpa Was at War – The Story of the “Iron Fist” Brigade in the Yom Kippur War, has been published in Hebrew.  

Hoshana Rabbah FAQ

What is Hoshana Rabbah?  

The meaning of Hoshana Rabbah, literally “the Great Salvation,” comes from  hosha = save, na = please, rabba = great. There are three designated days in the calendar for good judgement, Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, and Hoshana Rabbah.  

Every day of Sukkot we walk around the Torah with our lulav and etrog in hand asking Hashem hosha na – to please bring salvation and goodness throughout the year. On the last day of hol hamo’ed Sukkot, as this is the seventh time that we encircle the Torah and the climax of Sukkot, we ask for salvation and help from Hashem in many ways, especially regarding the crops and rain.  

In the times of the Bet Hamikdash, circling the mizbeach with aravot was performed every day, once, and the seventh day seven times. This was so important, that even if it occurred on Shabbat, circling the mizbeach with aravot was still performed.  

What do we do special on this day?  

1) We study the tikkun throughout the night, reviewing the entire Sefer Devarim and Tehillim with excerpts of selihot 2) after Hallel we recite in the hoshanot, specific prayers for many aspects of agriculture 3) after the Tefillah we take five aravot and bang them against the dirt.  

What is the meaning of the extra hoshanot prayers?  

We go around the Torah seven times with our lulav and etrog asking “hosha na” – please help – while mentioning Selihot that upon each segment highlight the merit of one of the seven ushpizin, the first one corresponding to Avraham, the second to Yishak, etc.  

After the seventh circuit we then build upon the refrain of hosha na to more and more steps of beseeching, totaling ten steps.  

  1. Hosha na – We open with the core prayer that we have recited all of the preceding days of Sukkot, asking Hashem to save us.
  2. Anna hoshiah na – We ask for the rebuilding of the Bet Hamikdash
  3. Ani VaHu hoshiah na – We ask for salvation from oppression with the merit of the four species that correspond to parts of our body etrog = heart, lulav = spine, hadasim = eyes, aravot = lips.
  4. Anna El na Hosha-na v’hoshia na – We ask for Him to open the bounty of produce, (naming wheat, barley, spelt, oats, rye, rice, millet, beans, lentils, olive trees and olive oil, grapes, figs, pomegranates, walnuts, dates, apples, pistachios, almonds, chestnuts, carob, mini fruit, peaches, berries, pears, etrog, and all types of vegetables and grains).
  5. Anna El na hosha na v’hatsliha na – We ask to be transplanted back in Eretz Yisrael with its full blessings of bounty and water.
  6. Anna El na hosha na v’harviha na Avinu attah We ask Hashem to not withhold blessed rainwater, and we invoke here the merit of Noah, Avraham, Yishak, Yaakov, and Moshe Rabbenu, who found favor in the Eyes of Hashem.
  7. Anna El na refa na, selah na, hashana v’hoshia na, Avinu attah We invoke the merit of Noah, Avraham, Yishak, Yaakov, Moshe, and Aharon that our prayers today be of glory, praise, cherished, etc. to carry throughout the year.
  8. Hoshienu Moshi’enu ki lecha enenu u’lecha lishuatenuAs we switch over tomorrow, on Shemini Aseret, asking for rain reciting morid hageshem we pray for a year of light, blessing, etc. in Aleph Bet order, here we ask the first four of the Alpeh Bet, seemingly introducing and opening the prayer of Shemini Aseret for rain.
  9. Ha’El l’mosha’aot am nosha b’Adonai, hosha na behasdicha meyahalim l’Adonai, ki lishuatecha kivinu Adonai, Adam u’behemah toshia Adonai, ki lishuatecha kivinu Adonai – The yearning for the salvation from Hashem is the reason and source for our finding favor in the eyes of Hashem.
  10. We then culminate with beseeching for the heralding of the final redemption through Eliyahu HaNavi with the recitation of – kol mevaser, mevaser v’omer 

After musaf, one takes five aravot in a bundle and goes outside to strike them against the dirt.  

What is the meaning of banging aravot against the dirt? 

The aravot represent the lips and represent the non-virtuous, as they have no scent and no taste. Throughout the month and through the holiday we had many mitsvot surrounding and protecting us. As we culminate the season of mitsvot we invoke through aravot representing the lips that all, namely the Satan, which speak negatively of us, to be quieted of lashon hara through hitting them against the dirt [which is the food of the snake, which is the paradigm of lashon hara] that any evil spoken about us shall be quieted.

Can I use the aravot from my lulav?  

Although one halachically can use the ones from his lulav, it is preferable to use aravot not from the lulav. If one does not have aravot, then after your friend has hit his bundle on the ground if there are still most leaves attached, one should use them again, better than putting together from the ones from your lulav.

Fun Hol Hamoed Excursions for the Entire Family

The answer to your kids’ question is – yes! There are, in fact, a lot of options within short driving distances to get out and have fun during Hol Hamoed! And yes, many of them are budget-friendly, kid-friendly, and will be worth the drive. So, ask your kids to check out this list and let the fun and excitement begin!

NEW YORK 

Gray Line Hop on/Hop off Tour

Explore more than 40 major New York City sights on this double decker tour bus that allows you to get on and off where you like. With and Uptown and Downtown pass, you can have access to two major tour routes for one low price. Make a day of it, or hop on and off to see a few sights, the choice is yours! Book at: https://www.grayline.com/tours/new-york-city/hop-on-hop-off-new-york-city-uptown-downtown-pass-5870_70_12130_849/. 

Luna Park @ Coney Island

Home of the first Rollercoaster (opened in 1884), Coney Island’s Luna Park has a rich history as the largest amusement park in New York.  With a scenic boardwalk, thrill rides, a spacious park, historic landmarks, and family-friendly entertainment, it is a great spot for family fun. Learn more at: https://lunaparknyc.com. 

National Geographic Encounter: Ocean Odyssey

Through the magic of technology, this immersive experience takes visitors on a virtual journey through the Pacific Ocean. Walk along the ocean floor, explore ocean life, meet beautiful ocean animals and plants, and more. Visit https://www.nationalgeographic.org/education/encounter-ocean-odyssey/. 

The Beast NYC Speed Boat Ride

Looking for a ride to the Statue of Liberty with a little more excitement than the Ferry? Then the Beast might be for you! This high-speed boat takes exciting twists and turns on the way – you might even get a bit wet. Buy tickers at: https://www.thebeastnyc.com.

Intrepid Sea, Air, & Space Museum

This fascinating museum is dedicated to the exhibition of history, science, and military service, as related to its home on the aircraft carrier Intrepid. There are a myriad exhibits that focus on different aspects of science and technology. The museum is full of actual aircraft, submarines, a space shuttle, simulators, and even has even an interactive hall for kids to explore in a hands-on way. For more information go to: https://www.intrepidmuseum.org.

Dewitt Clinton Park

Looking for a more intimate park than Central Park? Dewitt Clinton Park is a small, historically rich green space on Manhattan’s West Side. Dewitt Clinton Park features a playground, a dog run, a historic flower garden, and a myriad of sports fields and courts. Visit https://www.nycgovparks.org/parks/de-witt-clinton-park. 

FDNY Fire Zone

Learn about fire safety and have loads of fun with hands-on exhibits, simulators, and real-life fire trucks. Kids can try on actual gear, learn how to crawl through a smoke-filled hall, meet a real fire fighter, and climb into the cab of a truck, all while learning the important lessons for fire safety. Learn more at: https://www.fdnysmart.org/firezone/. 

Lego Store 

Not just your average Lego Store, the one at Rockefeller Center includes a Lego Mosaic Maker, a Minifigure Factory, a digital brick lab, and many other exhibits that make the process of shopping for Legos fun for everyone. Learn more at https://www.lego.com/en-us/stores/store/5th-avenue?y_source=1_MjI2MjYxMDUtNzE1LWxvY2F0aW9uLndlYnNpdGU%3D. 

Brooklyn Children’s Museum

Open to the public since 1899, the world’s first children’s Museum features a huge outdoor playground, special play areas for toddlers, a mini town, a mass of tunnels to explore, and even Jurassic Park mini golf. Purchase Tickets at: https://www.brooklynkids.org. 

Prospect Park Zoo

Situated beside the Brooklyn Botanical Garden, visitors can enjoy red pandas, sea lions, and dingos to name a few. Besides the exotic animals, there is a petting zoo where you can feed adorable sheep or alpacas. Visit https://prospectparkzoo.com. 

Brooklyn Bridge Park

With several kinds of playgrounds, your kids will never grow bored – from Slide Mountain to Sandbox Village and Swing Valley, to the Water Lab, this park is a child’s dream. It’s a great place to have a picnic, with many tables and a beautiful flower garden. Learn more at: https://www.brooklynbridgepark.org/places-to-see/pier-6/.

Shipwrecked

Opened in 2016, Shipwrecked is an entirely indoor entertainment complex with mini-golf, escape rooms, an arcade, and a restaurant. While there is plenty of fun for the whole family, there is an outdoor terrace, specifically designed for adults. Visit  https://www.shipwreckednyc.com/things-to-do.

NEW JERSEY

Sky Zone

Sky Zone Trampoline Park in Ocean, New Jersey, is the place for energetic kids and adults alike.  Walk in or make reservations. The massive indoor playground is filled with trampolines, foam pits, basketball courts, climbing walls, Ninja Warrior-stye obstacle courses, foam jousting, ultimate dodgeball spaces, and zip line.

Monster Mini Golf

It’s fun for all ages at the Monster Mini Golf in Eatontown, New Jersey. Families can partake in 18-hole black light mini golf, a state-of-the-art video arcade, and virtual reality attractions where you can immerse yourself in numerous adventures. Visit the website to look at timely deals and take a virtual tour. Visit https://monsterminigolf.com/eatontown/.

Solve It Sherlock Escape Room

Think you can crack the code, solve the puzzle, and escape the room in time? With five different rooms to choose from, ranging from the moderately hard (5/10) Pirates of the Golden Skull to the very hard (8/10) The Magician’s Secret. Rooms range from two to eight players and are great for friends, family, or coworkers. Solve It Sherlock Escape Room is located in Neptune, New Jersey. To read about the different experiences and book a room visit the website at: https://solveitsherlockescape.com.

Just Play

For families with younger children, Just Play in Oakhurst, NJ, is an indoor playground designed specifically for children up to six years old. Besides open play available every day of the week, Just Play offers private play date options by the hour. For more information, visit www.justplaynj.com.

Holland Ridge Farms 

For a Sunday jaunt until October 23rd, Holland Ridge Farms in Cream Ridge, New Jersey, invites visitors to pick sunflowers and take pictures in their beautiful fields of sunflowers, lilies, mums, dahlias, gladiolus, and more. And check out the petting zoo. Tickets must be purchased online. Visit https://www.hollandridgefarms.com.

Monmouth County Parks

The Monmouth County Park System has facilities and activities for all seasons, including many community activities such as craft shows, and the parks are home to beaches, campgrounds, disc gold courses, off-leash dog parks, skating rinks, fishing, and boating. Explore the area parks online at: https://www.monmouthcountyparks.com/index.aspx. 

Gateway National Recreational Area 

Located in Staten Island, the Gateway National Recreational Area is the perfect spot for enjoying the beautiful outdoors. Catch the stretch of beach for swimming, the cycling lanes, hiking trails, camping, boating, archery, fishing, and myriad of sports fields. Also on site is Sandy Hook, the oldest continuously operating lighthouse in the United States. Check out: https://www.nps.gov/gate/marking-50-years-as-a-national-recreation-area.htm 

Victory Stables

Victory Stables is a beautiful horse farm in Colts Neck, New Jersey with riding lessons, trail rides, horse shows, and various boarding and leasing options. Great for both new and experienced  horseback riders.

Eastmont Orchards

Family owned since 1923 in Colts Neck, New Jersey, the Orchard at one time transported fresh fruit to nearby cities. Now, it sells directly to consumers. How fun to pick your own apples on a crisp fall day! Pick up some honey there, too. Visit the website at: http://eastmontorchards.com.

Allaire Community Farm

Allaire Community Farm in Walls Township is a special place for special animals. The petting zoo animals are all rescues. Check out the horseback riding, too! The low admission price is reinvested in worthy causes like helpings both adults and children with special needs, supporting those with mental health issues, and supporting cancer survivors. Visit the website at: https://allairecommunityfarm.org.

Allaire State Park

Home to the Historic Allaire Village – a living history museum – and Pine Creek Railroad, Allaire State Park is a wonderful opportunity to explore the past up close and personally. Complete with a blacksmith shop, bakery, general store and post office, school, and various other staples of mid-19th century life, visitors can experience history rather than just learning about it. Learn more at: https://allairevillage.org.

Miss Belmar Whale Watching 

Boasting the cleanest and fastest ships, Miss Belmar offers sunset and stargazing cruises, whale watching tours, and fishing charters with excellent crews. Book a trip at: https://missbelmar.com.

This article was compiled with kind assistance from Joy Betesh of Coupon Connection (www.couponconnectionnj.com).

Prioritizing Mental Health

David is the go-to man in the community whenever anyone needs a favor, a donation, or a listening ear. He’s a member of numerous committees, a star employee, the default “busy person,” who others always feel comfortable approaching for help. He’s also crumbling under the stress of his myriad responsibilities and has grown resentful and irritable in private, but as a people pleaser who has been one for as long as he can remember, he can’t bear to disappoint anyone. David’s wife has reached out to her rabbi numerous times complaining how David goes to the end of the earth for others, yet is never home, how their children feel that he never spends time with them, and how, although David is a nice guy to her, she doesn’t feel like she has a relationship with him and is beginning to regularly feel resentment toward David.   

Sara is the resident trendsetter among her family, friends, and acquaintances. She is always up-to-date and ahead of the game in seemingly every area of her life, from clothing to housewares to cooking to parenting. Somehow Sara is able to walk the streets with her seven children under the age of 12, all matching, as calm as can be, leaving everyone around her wondering how she does it. Sara recently had her first panic attack, is having difficulty falling asleep, and has increased her time on Instagram more than she ever could have imagined.  

David and Sara may not seem like your stereotypical therapy clients. They haven’t necessarily experienced major trauma or faced acute psychological illness. Yet each can strengthen themselves and their relationships by prioritizing their mental health. They’re the personification of people who can change their lives for the better by becoming self-aware, understanding what makes them tick, and changing their personal narratives to achieve greatness, confidence, and serenity. 

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to be stuck in the throes of a can’t-get-out-of-bed depression, recovering from severe trauma, dealing with out-of-control compulsions, or teetering on the brink of disaster to benefit from therapy. Therapy is not the clichéd lying-on-a-couch-and-talking-about-your-mother experience where the therapist’s only input is a sagely tell me how that makes you FEEL.  

So what exactly happens in therapy, and who goes there? 

Most people visit a therapist without really knowing why. They know that they should be more assertive, yet they can’t get themselves to be assertive. They know that they should be happy with the good in their lives, yet they are consistently sad. They know that they are well-liked and successful, yet are always questioning if they really are.  

There’s a science behind this, and it’s fairly simple: there’s a big gap between your logic and emotions, and therapy helps clients to bridge that gap. 

The human brain has both left and right hemispheres, and they operate almost fully independently. Your left hemisphere operates fully logically, with zero emotions, and within time frames (your logic says: why should it still bother you that your boss fired you if it happened so many years ago?). Your right hemisphere operates fully emotionally, with zero logic, and time frames do not exist (that is why you can still feel the pain from when you were humiliated in 9th grade). This explains how one can read a fictional book or watch a movie knowing that the characters aren’t real and that the jump-scares don’t actually pose a threat to you, but yet you still feel the emotions that they’re designed to evoke even with your logic telling you,” It’s just a movie. It’s fake.”  

David may know (logic/left hemisphere) that real kindness starts at home, and that he could and should say no to people just like everyone else does, yet he constantly fears (emotions/right hemisphere) “Would my friends really be friends with me if I said no?” or “Would the community really still respect me if I gave a lame $100 charity donation when they know I could afford more?” Sara may logically know that true happiness is not about being and keeping things perfect but about being present with herself and her children, yet the feeling of shame and embarrassment of making a mistake or not keeping it all together all of the time overrides her ability to listen to her logic.

Mental health professionals help clients notice these discrepancies and learn how to use both sides of the brain effectively.

Dr. Yossi Shafer, PhD is the clinical director and a clinical psychologist at Empower Health Center, a private practice of multispecialty psychotherapists. They can be reached at 732.666.9898 or office@empowerhealthcenter.net.

Quality of Life

If Hashem wants to bless an individual with financial success, He can do so in an instant. To us, the road to success might seem very long, but Hashem has countless ways of shortening that road and bringing one instant success. Of course, we need to do our hishtadlut, to invest effort and to work hard. But our main area of hishtadlut upon which we focus must be the area of avodat Hashem, raising the standards of our service of Hashem. Wealth is a wonderful blessing, but the pursuit of money should not consume all our time. We need to make an effort, to put in a hard day’s work, but without ever forgetting the real purpose of life, which is to serve Hashem. We should be asking Hashem for success, and when he feels the time is right, he will send it to us, in ways we would never have imagined.

A successful businessman told me that he went to lunch with one of his friends in order to try to direct him toward greater emunah, to impress upon him that all success comes from Hashem.

“We don’t accomplish anything,” he told his friend, “It is all from Hashem.”

His friend, however, felt that to the contrary, we need to be investing greater effort. “I think you’re too laid back in your business,” he said, “and you’re not putting in enough effort. You don’t have accounts with the big names like Macy’s and Kohl’s.”

The man explained to him that building a relationship with these corporations requires a lot of time and a lot of traveling. To do so, he would have to spend a great deal of time away from his family, and he enjoys the quality of life which he has, being able to learn Torah in the morning until 8:45 and then coming home at 6:30 to be with his family and learn more Torah at night. He then said, “Hashem has blessed me with everything I need. If He wants to bless me with more money, I know that He could bring me any big company right to my doorstep.” These were his words.

The man returned to his office and a short while later he received a friendly call from his nephew. His nephew told him of a new job that he had recently started and mentioned that his company has a salesman with excellent connections with all the major stores, and who had succeeded in creating accounts with many of the big names. The next day, the nephew called back and said, “You won’t believe it. Remember that salesman I was telling you about? He just left the company and is looking for a new job.”

The businessman immediately contacted the salesman and hired him. The new employee spent the next two weeks on the phone trying to set up accounts with all the major companies. “Don’t worry,” he told his boss, “I know you don’t like traveling, so I will be happy to travel if I get meetings set up.” As it turned out, that week was market week, and every store came to them, right to their office. They held very successful meetings, and, as the man had said, Hashem brought all the major stores – such as Kohl’s, J.C. Penny, Sears, Kmart, and others – right to his doorstep. Sears even requested a follow-up meeting, and they agreed to meet at a show that the businessman was in any event planning to attend.

If Hashem wants, He could bring the business right where we are. We should work very hard, not be lazy, and put in the effort, but we should never compromise our quality of life.

The path to Eden on Earth

The yearly Torah reading cycle is not coincidental; every portion that we read is profoundly linked to the time of year in which it is read.  This is certainly true of the very first parashah, Parashat Beresheet, which we read immediately after the holiday season, on the Shabbat following Sukkot and Simhat Torah.

This parashah tells a number of painfully tragic stories – including Adam and Havah’s sin, which brought calamity into the world and for which they were banished from Gan Eden; and the first homicide in human history – Kayin’s murder of his brother, Hevel.  As punishment for this crime, Gd decreed, “Na vanad tihyeh ba’aretz” – that he would be forced to wander about, without settling in one place (4:12).  Just as his parents were banished from Gan Eden, Kayin was similarly banished and forced into exile.

Na” and “Nad

The Hida (Rav Haim Yosef Davod Azoulay, 1724-1806), one of the greatest Sephardic luminaries of the last several centuries, brings a Kabbalistic tradition from the Arizal (Rav Yitzhak Luria, 1534-1572) that Kayin’s crime was so grievous that it was not fully atoned for during his lifetime, and that generations later, the souls of Kayin and Hevel returned to the world so this sin could be rectified.  Later, in Parashat Noah (9:6), Gd pronounces, “Shofech dam ha’adam ba’adam damo yishafech,” establishing that murderers are punished by having their own lives taken.  The Arizal interprets this verse to mean that if one spills a person’s blood (“Shofech dam ha’adam”), he will be killed by the victim, by the person whom he killed (“ba’adam damo yishafech”).  The way this happens, the Arizal explains, is through the process of gilgul (reincarnation of souls), as the souls of both the murderer and the victim return at some later point, and the victim then takes the killer’s life.

Hevel and Kayin, the Arizal taught, returned in the form of Moshe Rabbenu and the Egyptian taskmaster whom he killed.  As we read in the Book of Shemot (2:12), Moshe witnessed a taskmaster violently beating a Hebrew slave, and he proceeded to fatally strike the taskmaster.  The Arizal revealed that Moshe possessed the soul of Hevel, and this evil taskmaster possessed the soul of Kayin, such that Moshe’s assassination of the taskmaster served to rectify the sin of Hevel’s murder.

But even then, as the Hida discusses, the process remained incomplete.  Just as Kayin was driven into exile, Moshe needed to flee from Pharaoh.  He resided in Midyan – a nation whose name contains the letters nun and dalet, which spell “nad,” one of the two punishments decreed upon Kayin (“na – move” – and “nad – wander”).  Moshe fled upon discovering that the news of his killing the taskmaster had spread, whereupon he exclaimed, “Achen noda hadavar” (“Indeed, the matter is known” – Shemot 2:14).  This word resembles the word “nad,” thus alluding to Moshe’s responsibility to continue the tikkun (rectification) of Kayin’s crime against his brother.

Whereas Moshe’s worked to fulfill the decree of “nad,” it was his saintly brother, Aharon, who fulfilled the decree of “na.”  In his merit, Gd provided Beneh Yisrael with the “ananeh hakavod” (“clouds of glory”) to protect them as they traveled.  The word “anan” (“cloud”) resembles the word “na,” and these clouds signified the diametric opposite of banishment and exile, bringing all the people together under a protective, unifying covering.

Our Job During the Tishri Holidays

This process, of rectifying Kayin’s sin of violent hatred, continues to this very day.  All of us, through our devotion to the Torah’s way of life, contribute to this tikkun.  And much of this work is done during the month of Tishri, through the observance of Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and Sukkot.

Rosh Hashanah is the day of “din” (judgment), a word which resembles “nad.”  On Yom Kippur, the kohen gadol – a descendant of Aharon – would offer incense in the inner chamber of the Bet Ha’mikdash to create an “anan” (“…ki be’anan era’eh al hakaporet” – Vayikra 16:2), corresponding to the decree of “na.”  This effort continues on Sukkot, which, like Rosh Hashanah, is a day of “din,” as during these days we are judged with regard to rainfall and our water supply (Rosh Hashanah 16a), alluding to the decree of “nad.”  We take the lulav and perform what is called “na’anuim” (waving), another word which brings to mind the decree of “na.”  We also reside in the sukka, which commemorates the ananeh hakavod, yet another allusion to the word “na.”

The intensive process of introspection, prayer, reflection and celebration that we undergo throughout the holiday season has a cosmic effect.  This process serves to bring atonement not only on a personal level, for each individual, and not even for the Jewish People as a whole – but quite literally, for all of humanity.  Kayin’s crime injected spiritual toxins, as it were, into mankind, which we must continually work to purge, even to this day, and this is part of what we’ve accomplished through the uplifting holiday season which we’ve all just gone through.

Being Worthy of Holy Visitors

One of the beautiful – yet mysterious – customs of Sukkot is to invite the ushpizin – seven righteous “guests” – into the sukkah.  Over the seven days of Sukkot, we are “visited” by our righteous forebears – Avraham, Yitzhak, Yaakov, Yosef, Moshe and Aharon – each on a different day.

To unearth the meaning of this concept, let us consider a remarkable story told in the Gemara (Ta’anit 25a) about Rabbi Hanina ben Dosa, a righteous sage who lived with his family in dire poverty.  Once, his wife complained about the family’s woeful state of destitution, and she asked him to pray for a more comfortable livelihood.  As soon as he prayed, a hand descended from the heavens and gave Rabbi Hanina a leg of a table made from gold.  He brought it to his wife, informing here that they had literally struck gold, and could now live comfortably.

That night, Rabbi Hanina’s wife beheld a vision of herself and her husband sitting together with all the other righteous tzadikim in the next world.  Everyone was seated around tables.  However, the table where Rabbi Hanina and his wife sat had only three legs, and was unsteady.  All the other tables stood sturdily on four legs.

The message was clear: the couple’s newfound wealth in this world diminished from the rewards which awaited them in the next world.

In the morning, Rabbi Hanina’s wife told her husband that she was unwilling to make this sacrifice.  He prayed, and the heavenly hand descended once again and brought the golden leg back to the heavens, where it waited to serve Rabbi Hanina and his wife after they departed this world.

There is much to discuss about this story, but the relevant part for our purposes here is the Gemara’s concluding remark: “The second miracle was greater than the first, for we have a tradition that [the heavens] give, but do not take.”  The leg’s return to the heavens was more miraculous than its original descent from the heavens, because Gd generally does not take anything back.

We might ask, what’s the real difference between these two miracles?  Is it really more surprising that a hand would descend from the heavens to take something, than that a hand would come down from the skies to give something?

The answer might be that generally speaking, anything which has spent time in our world is spiritually tainted, and thus unworthy of being brought into the pristine environs of the heavenly domain.  A surgical instrument that was used outside the sterile environment of the operating room would never be allowed in.  What was most remarkable about this golden leg was that it was received back to the heavens after being brought into the spiritually “contaminated” earthly domain.  This was possible because of Rabbi Hanina’s piety.  His home was, essentially, an extension of Gan Eden.  He and his family lived with such piety and purity that the heavenly object remained pure and pristine even after its nightlong stay in their home.  Indeed, it never truly left Gan Eden.

This might be the depth of the custom of ushpizin, as well.

After achieving the tikkun of the special holidays, we have reversed, in a sense, the banishment of Kayin from his homeland, and even the banishment of Adam and Havah from Gan Eden.  We now become worthy of hosting our sacred ancestors, our righteous patriarchs, along with Moshe, Aharon, and David.  After having undergone this intensive process of repentance and tikkun, these righteous figures feel comfortable and at home in our sukkot – because our sukkot are, by this point, an extension of Gan Eden.

Learning From Rabbi Hanina 

This insight should leave us all thinking, as the beautiful holiday season comes to an end, about whether our homes are truly worthy of hosting the ushpizin, whether we are doing enough to turn our homes into Gan Eden.

Of course, we are not expected to reach the level of Rabbi Hanina ben Dosa.  However, we can – and must – learn and draw inspiration from his example.  Earlier (Ta’anit 24b), the Gemara speaks of Rabbi Hanina’s austere lifestyle, how he ate just a kav of carobs all week.  Throughout his life, he prioritized his service of Gd over vain material pursuits.  Rather than allow himself to be preoccupied with comforts and luxuries, he focused his attention solely on religious devotion.  And in so doing, he turned his home into Gan Eden. 

While this is not a standard we should be aspiring to, it does call upon us to reassess our priorities, and to examine whether our lives are properly apportioned, whether we give Torah and mitzvot the priority they deserve.  As we take leave of what was hopefully an uplifting Yom Tov season, let us channel the inspiration we’ve received into transforming our homes into Gan Eden, and making them worthy of Gd’s presence and unlimited blessings. 

One on One with Susan Cohen

“Teaching as a profession is great but it’s the students that make it worthwhile.  The reason I go back year to year is all about the relationships I have with my students. I am invested in them, and I so enjoy seeing their awareness when they figure things out.” 

~~ Susan ~~ 

Did you have a favorite teacher? 

We all have been touched by teachers in different ways. Whether they were younger or older mentors, they taught us valuable skills and life lessons from pre-school days through graduate school.   

I was excited to interview Susan Cohen, a young and impassioned history teacher at Magen David Yeshiva High School. 

One of my favorite middle division teachers was Ms. Haberman.   She was probably in her 20s.  I will never forget that she played the song “The Sound of Silence” for us in Social Studies class.  You may wonder why a Simon and Garfunkel song was presented in Yeshiva.  I believe it was to teach us about the difficulties people have communicating with each other.  It was only this year that I read the back story about this piece.  Paul Simon wrote this song, with input from Art Garfunkel, as a tribute and comfort to Art Garfunkel’s college roommate Sanford Greenberg. Sanford lost his sight months after the two met. What an extraordinary message Ms. Haberman shared with us.  

As I listened to Susan Cohen’s life story and what energizes her about her career, she reminded me of the lifelong positive impact teachers can have on their students.  They do not only teach academic skills, but also contribute to making a child a better human being. 

A Little History 

Please meet Susan Cohen, a vibrant educator from our community.  Susan, daughter of Melissa and Allan Cohen, is the oldest of five, with two brothers and two sisters.  Her grandparents from  both sides are of Syrian descent.  Susan is close with her siblings, “There is nothing like family,” she says, and she declares that she is such an oldest child!  The firstborn child tends to be outspoken, a perfectionist, goal-oriented, and independent.  

When it comes to role models, Susan’s mother Melissa Cohen is a shining example.  She is Susan’s go-to person for advice and Susan learned from Melissa that she could accomplish anything if she put her mind to it. “My mother imparted, ‘sometimes you try something new or different and you can do all the right things and it doesn’t work out.  If that happens, sit back, and enjoy what you do have.’” 

Susan grew up in Brooklyn and attended Yeshiva Shaare Torah for grade school.  Susan wanted a new start for high school and was eager to meet new people, so she decided to head to Ilan High School in NJ.  She was fortunate to have good friends in both Brooklyn and Deal. An added plus was that there were other girls traveling from Brooklyn to Deal.   

Susan’s family moved to Deal around seven years ago when Susan was already enrolled in Brooklyn College.  During the week, Susan stayed in Brooklyn with her aunt and uncle and she traveled to Deal to spend Shabbat with her parents and siblings.       

Susan – the Child and Student 

Susan was always mature for her age.  “I wasn’t shy, but I wasn’t super social either.  I preferred having my six close friends rather than being around tons of people.” 

She was always “good at school” and was an honor student.   Susan was blessed that her studies came easily to her, except for anything math related.   

Susan’s inquisitive and logical nature could get her into trouble, as she asked a lot of questions.  At twelve, when she posed her questions on religion and hashkafah to her teachers, the response often was that she was not old enough to understand the answers.  In hindsight, Susan now accepts that as observant Jews we do not know the exact reasons behind all our mitzvot, but she accepts observance of mitzvot, and  enjoys being Torah observant, even if she does not have a logical answer for why Hashem commanded us to observe all of His mitzvot. 

College and Career Choices 

Susan had a clear career plan when she started college.  She was determined to become a lawyer. Susan received a full scholarship to Brooklyn College, and her practical nature went for the “no debt” path.  She opted for saving money for law school tuition.  

It turned out that Susan made the right choice about colleges.  “My college experience was amazing.  I had the best of both worlds.  My fellow Jewish community members were always close by and made going to a secular college less of a culture shock.  There were no Jews in my history classes, which forced me to meet other people, hear other perspectives, and see the real world.”  

Susan took twenty-two credits a semester.  Sixteen credits for five classes is what most full-time college students take.  Susan also worked 35 to 40 hours a week throughout college.  Her jobs included working in the wholesale and retail sectors, tutoring, and SAT preparation. How did Susan juggle so many classes with long work hours?  “I staggered all my classes, going to school from morning to night on Mondays and Wednesdays and working on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays.” She began Brooklyn College with a history major. “I am the biggest history nerd ever!” Susan exclaims. She took many law classes, although law was not an official minor.  History is a natural major for future lawyers. A good lawyer knows not only the law itself, but also the historical context of legal changes.  

An education minor fit well into Susan’s class schedule.  She had no interest in pursuing a teaching career, but did enjoy the projects and could see the knowledge being helpful for the future.  

Susan’s Pivot from Law to Education 

What was the turning point for Susan?  Her education professor reached out to her and asked her to consider taking the next class in the series.  “The education classes were sequential.  I liked the second class, so I took the third, and then I added an education major.  It was never the plan, but I loved it!” 

Susan decided on the seventh to twelfth grade track knowing that she would enjoy teaching a variety of subjects and teaching different students in each class.  

She did her student teaching at James Madison High School, a large public school with 200-300 students per grade.  “It was more of a culture shock than challenging – the public school  environment versus the private school bubble I grew up in.” 

I asked Susan about teaching high school kids who were not much younger than she was. In fact, a few were 20, the same age as she was! 

Susan explained that finding the right balance between forming a good relationship with her students and being their teacher was the hardest challenge at the beginning of her career.  The lines can get blurred, and it is necessary to establish clear boundaries.  “I make clear to my students that they are individuals who have something valuable to contribute and that’s why I am there to teach them. I have something to add that they might not know.  It’s also key to show no fear.” 

In September, Susan sets the tone, rules, routine, and expectations for the coming year.  Once her students adjust to the vibe of the class and the guidelines, the atmosphere can be more relaxed.   “That is what’s best for learning.  The students can ask questions and have them answered even if they are off topic.”  

After completing her undergraduate degree, Susan enrolled at Rutgers University for a Master of Arts degree in American History.  She taught at Hillel High School in Deal while attending graduate school.  “At Hillel, I was able to figure out my teaching style.  I prefer autonomy, but it’s important to check in to determine how things are going.”  Susan has been accepted to a PhD program but put that on hold for the time being.  Stay tuned! 

Susan’s Essence 

Susan describes herself as self-aware, confident, caring and, most definitely an over-achiever. 

Susan is still passionate about both history and law as they are so interconnected.  Her undergraduate thesis in World History was about the Nuremberg trials and how judges drew from different legal systems worldwide.  If Susan won the lottery, she would be a full-time student for the rest of her life!  Susan is a genuine lifelong learner. 

Connecting with her students is what lights Susan up.  “When a student gets it or is struggling and finally figures things out, seeing that awareness is so rewarding.” 

Susan keeps up with what is happening in our country’s government and legal system.  She reads the actual court decisions not only the news stories.  “I tell my students to read the source documents. Everyone is pushing their own narrative and I encourage them to dig deeper.”

Community  

Susan is grateful for being part of an amazing community and feels secure knowing that people are there for each other, no matter what they might need. 

She teaches in her own community and sees her students often outside of school, at restaurants, stores, and shul. She is even first cousins with some of the kids.  “In the summer, I take a break from school, hibernate, and meet up with friends.” 

Connect with Susan at susancohen461@gmail.com

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach.  Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching.  Ellen is active in her community and is currently the Vice-President of Congregation Bnai Avraham in Brooklyn Heights.  She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).

What if Your Child Is Bullying Other Children?

As parents we all hope and pray to raise children that are kind to everyone. It is very painful for us to watch our children hurting others. 

Our questions here are: why they do it and is there anything we can do to free them up to be their best selves? 

Why Children Bully  

Let’s address the first question. Why do children bully? Nobody is born a bully. Bullying happens when a person feels the need to expert power over someone else. If a person is fully aware that every human being is tremendously valuable, they would never feel the need to prove their value. Basically bullying stems from an insecurity. The person bullying believes that in order to be valuable, they need to prove that they are more, and the way to accomplish that is by knocking down others. Intentionally or not, the other person gets hurt, and nobody has a green light to hurt others.  

How Parents Can  Help 

Our next question is: can we do anything as adults to help the bully? Thankfully, the answer is we can do A LOT! 

In order to help the child who has been hurting others out if the bully role, we must use a two- pronged approach: 

  1. See the child’s soul, and speak only to the soul, never to the behaviors. 
  1. Set limits.  

The first prong is a requirement in any and every relationship. People perform best with people who believe in them. No matter how low your child has stooped, if you maintain an unwavering position that you know 100 percent that these behaviors are not who the child really is, your child will get warm encouraging vibes. Say sincere things like, “The real you would never want to hurt someone on purpose,” or “You bring so much joy into our home.” 

Setting Limits 

Many years ago, I encountered a seventh grader who had a long history of bullying the girls in her class. During our first interaction I told her that I knew that the real her doesn’t want to hurt people. She answered, “You don’t know me. I don’t care about anyone except myself.” I answered her back, “There’s nothing in the world you can say or do that would make me believe that.” 

I also explained to her that while I understood that this wasn’t the real her, we were going to structure things differently in the classroom so that she would be held accountable for her behaviors. This brings us to the second prong, which is setting limits. 

We tell children that BECAUSE we believe in them we will be holding them accountable. We tell them that they will hate it at first, but then will feel amazing once they are successful. At the end of the day we all feel better about ourselves when we are doing the right thing. 

If you see your child engaging in any form of belittling, hurting, etc., 

Wait at least an hour, and then say,  

  1. “I know you don’t mean to___. when you said___to ___, it really hurt him/her. 
  1. “Can I get a commitment from you to try your best to be careful about not saying hurtful things?”

Consequences 

If you notice improvement, let your child know (often) that you see him/her becoming stronger and moving into the healthy CHAMPION role, being his or her “real self.”

If other children are still being hurt, say the following: 

“Let’s think together. I know you don’t want to hurt people, and it seems it’s hard for you to remember which words/actions hurt. What do you think would be a good way for you to take responsibility in case you forget again?” 

 

See what your child comes up with. Believe in him or her and follow through with whatever limit you and your child decide on. It’s never too late to start a new fresh day!