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Recognize Your Blessings

Appreciating Hashem’s kindness brings us more blessing. Rav Avigdor Miller, zt”l,  would stress that we must appreciate not only the big things in life, but also the simple, everyday conveniences that we enjoy.

I was driving home on a cold winter night at about 10pm, and I noticed a store that was still open and crowded with people. As I came closer I realized it was a laundromat. The place was packed with people waiting as their laundry was wash and dried. I thought to myself how fortunate I am that I have a washer and dryer at home, so that I don’t have to go out into the cold shlepping heavy bags of laundry. We have so much blessing in our lives that we at times fail to recognize. A person feels a chill in the air, he presses a button on the thermostat, and within minutes he’s comfortable. There are so many of us who are dissatisfied with their living conditions, wishing they had a larger home, without appreciating how good their home is. Sometimes as I drive through other neighborhoods I notice the very small apartments often situated on top of the stores. I am filled with gratitude that I do not have such accommodations. 

Truly great people consistently say “thank you.” In the Amidah, many of us pray at great length when asking for health, livelihood, success, and our other needs. But one section that is often shortchanged is Modim, toward the end of the Amidah, in which we thank Hashem for all we have been given.

A student approached his Rabbi and asked why it is that the Rabbi’s Amidah recitation is always so much longer than his. 

“I make a point of praying slowly and with concentration,” the student said, “but every time, I finish well before you. Why does your Amidah prayer take so long?” 

“Simple,” the Rabbi answered. “Before I begin Modim, I first think about the blessings in my life. I think about each and every one of my children and grandchildren, my house, my parnassah, my Torah learning, and so on. I think to myself, Hashem, You have given me so much! Only after I finish thinking of all this do I proceed to bow and recite Modim.” 

Reciting the Modim prayer is of paramount importance. The Daat Zekeinim writes (Devarim 10:12)  that if one recites Modim properly, his recitation is considered equivalent to reciting one hundred berachot, as the numerical value of the word modim is 100.

A convention was once held in a certain hotel in Europe, with many prominent Rabbis in attendance. One of the participants was outside one of the hotel rooms at night and heard a guest talking to Hashem: “Hashem, thank You so much for my health. Hashem, thank You so much for my wife. Hashem, thank You for enabling me to pay my bills. Hashem, thank You for giving me intelligence.” This guest went on and on, listing all his blessings in life for which he was grateful. The next morning, this participant went to the front desk to ask who had stayed in Room 108 the previous night. It turned out that this was the room of the Chafetz Chaim. Before going to sleep each night, the Chafetz Chaim would express his gratitude to Hashem for all his blessings.

Appreciation is the key to happiness in life. When we appreciate all we have, we will be able to serve Hashem with joy, and thus allow Him to shower us with even greater blessings.

The Rochelle Gemal A’H Educational Center Helps Community Kids Thrive

Mozelle Forman

Morris, a lively, energetic little boy at Hillel Yeshiva, suddenly lost his carefree spirit. He found himself, again, falling behind in school, despite years of costly occupational therapy, physical therapy, speech therapy, and private tutoring for his secular studies. The school’s principal has always been Morris’s parents’ partner, helping Morris to reach academic success. Now the principal has told the parents that the school’s resource room cannot offer Morris enough help for him to succeed in limudei kodesh, Hebrew studies. The principal suggested that his parents hire a private tutor to help him to keep up in class. His parents, stretched to their financial limit, are distraught. Moshe’s inability to keep up with the pace in class causes him so much anxiety that he cries at the sight of his Hebrew homework sheets, has become shy and embarrassed, and is refusing to go to school. His mom says, “My heart was breaking watching him be so sad and down on himself. As parents we want to do everything for our children, but things are not free.”  Most tutors receive as much as $100 an hour, which can be an extraordinary financial burden for a family already paying yeshiva tuition. 

The Gemal Family Provides Solutions for Kids’ Needs

The school resource room is often the first stop for students who are struggling. The Rochelle Gemal, A’H Educational Center, a resource room at Yeshivat Keter Torah, was initiated by Mr. Mitchell Gemal and his family to honor Mrs. Gemal’s life-long dedication to helping students succeed.  Through its trained professionals, who utilize individualized and small-group instruction, targeted assessments, multi-sensory learning, and strong teacher-student relationships to address the specific goals of the individual student, the Educational Center is helping students attain the foundational skills necessary for academic success. Yet, despite the professionalism and dedication to the students, many students, like Morris, require more individualized support than a classroom or a resource room can provide. However, with the rising cost of yeshiva education, many parents are unable to afford private tutoring as well. Recognizing this need, the Gemal family has embarked on a second initiative and created the Rochelle Gemal A”H Educational Fund that addresses the financial burden borne by the families of students requiring supplemental support or tutoring, outside the resource room. 

“Special education needs special attention, and no child should be denied the opportunity for success because of lack of funds,” Mr. Gemal explains. He says that Rochelle, A’H, believed this and set a personal example of selfless devotion to help struggling students and their parents. 

“When Rochelle identified a student who was falling behind in class and was in danger of being left back a grade, she would offer to tutor them in our home. Many times, knowing the family could not afford to pay, she would not charge them for her services. Her main concern was making sure the child succeeded,” Mr. Gemal said. 

A Win-Win for All

“The model that the RG Educational Fund has created is simple but ingenious – tutoring services for children whose family cannot afford the fees, provided by teachers or tutors who need supplemental income. Students are referred by principals who are aware of both the student’s academic challenge and the family’s financial status. RG Educational Fund’s team of educators pair students with tutors who can address their personal challenge and coordinates communication between the child’s principal, schoolteachers, parents, and tutor to ensure a seamless partnership in the student’s success,” Mr. Gemal described. 

Not only is the model ingenious, the success stories are also inspiring.  According to Morris’s mom, after a program of once a week tutoring during the summer months, Morris is thriving.  “It’s like I have a new child. Where he used to be shy and embarrassed to read, afraid he would make mistakes, he is grabbing his siddur and saying birkat hamazon out loud. The tutor assigned to him was warm and friendly and really helped him to learn to love reading. And it’s not just reading, it’s connected to his spirituality and religiosity.”

Rabbi Aharon Yannai, menahel at Yeshivat Keter Torah, believes that the tutoring provided by the RG Educational fund has tremendous benefit not only for the student receiving the service but for the entire class as well. “When any child is struggling to keep up with the material being taught, every child in the class is affected, as the teacher has to adjust the pace and style to meet his needs. When that child receives the extra support that he previously did not, he is better able to keep up and the teacher can teach at a level that caters to the academic midline.”  

Rabbi Norman Cohen, an integral part of the program, believes that this program is more vital now than ever before. “The Covid pandemic and school closures really hurt a lot of our children. Students, especially in the younger grades, who would otherwise have been successful, missed learning the vital foundational skills necessary for reading and now need the added support of tutoring.”  In addition, remote learning by Zoom, instead of in person learning, did not facilitate the important, personalized interaction that develops between teachers and students in the classroom. The RG Educational Fund tutoring program gives students that extra dose of mentorship, the tutor develops a relationship with the student, and they are motivated to succeed. 

RG Educational Fund Partners with Community Donors

The RG Educational Fund currently subsidizes the cost of tutoring for students in all the Jewish schools in the Deal area with the generous help of donations from community members. Every dollar donated goes straight to offset the cost of a student’s supplemental education. “Our gemach [charitable fund], will not only give the parents who cannot afford the cost of tutoring the ability to provide their children with the much-needed support, but also address the parnasah needs of the families of teachers,” Mr. Gemal explains. “We help the child, his parents, and families that can use a few extra dollars to cover their expenses.”  It is truly a win-win-win!

For more information about utilizing the services of the RG Educational Fund or to sponsor a session for a student please call Rabbi Norman Cohen 908-917-3901, or Mitchell Gemal 732-829-0794. 

To Donate via the RG Fund Website using a Credit Card, Please scan the QR code

CARE Hosts Hanukah Toy Giveaway

The incredible organization C.A.R.E. (Community. Advocacy. Resources. Encouragement.) hosted a tremendous Hanukah toy giveaway for over 400 families with special needs children. The event was hosted by Toys 2 Discover on Coney Island Avenue and Avenue K. The beauty of the event was that toys were not only given to children with special needs but were also given to the siblings of the special needs children on their behalf. This created thankfulness among the siblings of the special needs children for ensuring that all the siblings received a terrific high-quality Hanukah present as well.

C.A.R.E. was founded by Meyer and Victoria Safdieh, who led the toy giveaway event with dozens of volunteers. Also attending to support this meaningful community event were NYPD Clergy Liaison David Heskiel, NYPD Deputy Inspector Richie Taylor, Community Leader Linda Sedaka, and Flatbush Fund Executive Director Yitzy Weinberg.

A special acknowledgement to the following dedicated and respected elected officials who came to the event is deserved as well: Senator Simcha Felder, Assemblyman Simcha Eichenstein, and Councilman Kalman Yeger. Their leadership and tremendous support is invaluable.

Thanks to a few anonymous donors, the kids walked into the fully stocked toy store and were given vouchers that were used to purchase whatever toys they chose. To sweeten the night, each child received Hanukah gelt-chocolates on their way out.

May the Festival of Lights brighten up these dark, tough times and may everyone involved in this loving hesed be blessed to continue doing great things for the community.

Proof of Vaccine Requirement Begins in NYC for Kids 5-11 

Last month, Mayor Bill De Blasio announced that kids ages five to eleven must show proof of vaccination to attend activities at indoor venues. 

“If you’re planning to take your younger kids to indoor entertainment like Chuck E Cheese, they will now have to show that they’ve gotten at least one dose of a COVID-19 vaccine,” said De Blasio.

This also applies to dining in at restaurants and participating in extracurricular activities such as band, dance, and sports. Other indoor entertainment spaces such as movie theaters and bowling alleys are among the spots that will require kids five to eleven to show proof of vaccination.

“The number of children who now have the ability to get vaccinated is not where it should be. And I’ve asked school districts and schools to have pop-up sites. All the resources we need are available, and we just have to stimulate more interest in protecting these kids,” said Governor Kathy Hochul.

This mandate is all a part of Mayor Bill de Blasio’s Key to New York City expansion. Health Commissioner Dr. Dave Chokshi reassured parents that getting their younger kids vaccinated is a safe option.

“But beyond the evidence, beyond this science – we should listen to whom I consider the foremost experts on this topic, which are pediatricians who are parents themselves. They are urging vaccination, and they also strongly support the vaccine requirements that we have elaborated,” said Chokshi.

As of December 27th, anyone 12 and older will also need to be fully vaccinated to attend these venues as well.

MDYHS Blood Drive

Last month, Magen David Yeshiva High School held their annual New York Blood Center Blood Drive. Rabbi Ikey Tawil and his group of dedicated students organized the drive that brought 80 donors and 75 lifesaving donations! 

They are already looking forward to their next blood drive, which is scheduled for the spring. 
Tizku L’Misvot to everyone who came out to donate!

Winter Break 2022

Frieda Schweky

Community members have divergent views on all school matters and the winter break is no different. Some families travel abroad to nice resorts (post-covid!) while others choose to stay local and bond with the kids with day trips and special family activities. Many of those I heard from, including my Instagram (@friedaschwekyphoto) followers, took issue with winter break splitting classes into the “have”s and “have-not”s. Kids whose families cannot afford to go away sometimes feel embarrassed, or left out of the, “Where did you go?” school chit chat.

Personally, I think that if anyone has funds for luxurious vacations after paying the rent or mortgage, tuition, credit card bills, grocery bills, etc. it is a miracle. If you are one of these fortunate ones you should be extremely grateful. 

Secondly, I think that as a community we should try to disassociate thinking about a break from school with the idea that we must travel. The two do not have to be connected,  simply because many families cannot afford this luxury. My girls’ school, Shira Elementary, actually offers three days of optional fun days at school during winter break. I think this is great, and is so helpful for parents who are not going to travel. In the school’s handbook parents are asked to tell their daughters to be sensitive of others and not to discuss their vacation trips with the other students, to avoid jealousy and other negative feelings. 

This is an incredible lesson in how to show consideration for others, yet not enough community schools make this request. I believe that as a community we can do better. I suggest that the schools not only teach the kids to be considerate, I think that community organizations could step up to the plate to offer extra programming during the winter break if the schools are not able to do so. During winter break hundreds of our community children stay at home with a lack of structure for a full ten days. Many parents work, and it’s not simple for them to entertain their kids. We have so many beautiful community events for the children, shouldn’t we consider organizing some special ones during yeshiva week? 

I understand that for many community members traveling during yeshiva week is a given, it’s not a matter of “if” but where to. There is definitely something to be said for escaping the day-to-day routine and seeing different places. Growing up I had the privilege of going away with my family for winter break and I loved it. I wanted to get a feel for what people are doing these days, in this highly unpredictable world we live in. As I said, I asked my social media followers, and many different community members weighed in. Enjoy!

Frelevy

We choose not to go away for winter vacation and instead go away for the Passover break. For Passover we go to Florida and usually stay at my parents’ apartment, as we can only afford one trip a year. During winter break we usually go to Manhattan for two days. My husband takes off from work these days so we can do fun things. This year we are going to sleep in NYC for two nights and my kids are looking forward to it. We are going to go to an ice cream museum and to Ground Zero. The next day we are planning to go ice skating at Rockefeller Center. Also, we may visit the Museum of Modern Art. Plans are not set in stone yet. We’re still working on it, but my kids are looking forward to it!

Jeanette Haddad

I’m going away, but I think that school should be open for the children who are not. The school could plan a fun week with minimal studies, maybe even a half day program. During this time the teachers should be fairly compensated. So, teachers who wants to go away could do so,  but if they want to stay home, they will have an option to make extra money. I also think the break should be Monday to Friday, not for ten days. That’s a long time for kids to be home without a schedule. And if they do go away they can go from Friday until the next Sunday, which is still a nice vacation. Aside from these ideas, something perhaps more realistic that schools should take into consideration is that many families can’t afford expensive vacations. It isn’t right for teachers to make it a class conversation, “Where did you go over winter break?” In fact, the schools should send out reminders for parents to talk to their children about this, to tell them not to talk about their vacations in school so kids who stayed home all break don’t feel left out or lacking.

Joy Ades

This winter break we’re doing a short Disney World trip with my sister’s family. We’re planning to go to the parks for two days. It’s my first time ever doing Disney World with my kids. I bought them Disney shirts with their names to get them even more hyped up for the trip. They are excited to stay at a hotel with a kids’ room, so we booked them a room with bunk beds! My kids have never slept in bunk beds before so I think that will really add to the experience and memories. Also, a side note: my husband is way too excited for Star Wars Land at Disney World!

After the days at the park, we plan to stay at the same hotel and our kids will be allowed to use their iPads. Plus, I have some inexpensive crafts boxes, activities, and painting projects I bought at Target.

It’s my first time traveling with my kids post Covid. Last year I did not feel comfortable traveling with them. Last Passover we did a road trip and visited an outdoor aquarium in Connecticut because that was what I felt comfortable with. 

Ruthy Abadi Schwartzbard 

I’m staying home for winter break this year just because we’ll be moving back to Brooklyn from Deal at that time. My daughter is just a year old so it wouldn’t really matter to her. I remember as a kid there were years my family went on vacation and there were years we didn’t.

I imagine as a kid if you’re from a family that didn’t go away, and if your parents were awesome, they’d plan lots of activities and day trips for you to have a great time. You would have enjoyed them even if the financial struggles required you to stay local over the break. However, I was the last of five, so my mom wasn’t up to doing that. I’d end up watching television for 14 days straight and got to stay up late and sleep in. It definitely got boring. I think it would be great if schools offered some type of fun option, not exactly like school, but some type of activity. For boys it could be something simple like open gym, sports, free play, or even relay races. Girls could do beading and jump ropes. The program could basically be like recess, only longer with a bit more structure and, of course, lunch. Especially now that I’m thinking as a parent, we pay so much in tuition! Yes, the teachers need a break, but getting some young adults to do a couple of camp-like days to break up the ten-day break from school could really be a game changer for both parents and kids. It doesn’t seem so fair to me, after paying the high tuition bill for school, that I’ll be spending two weeks home with the kids if I decide not to spend a lot to go on a winter break vacation.

Maytal Cohen

I know that the schools consider the tuition as “yearly” but I find it annoying that we pay in full and besides summer vacation there are an extra ten days of school off in the winter, in addition to all the Jewish holidays. I’m not going away this year because I don’t have a passport, but we’re considering going somewhere local.

My two school age boys are in different schools, so they have different vacation times. This means, basically, the boys will be stuck home for way too long. I can’t really go anywhere because that would mean that at some time one of them will miss school.

I am planning to hopefully go to Kalahari Resorts and the Indoor Waterpark in the Poconos with friends. Even if our friends can’t make it, we can always go with just my family. We did it last year and it was very fun. Also, last year instead of yeshiva week we traveled to Mexico at the end of December because that’s when my husband had off. It made more sense financially, and also, I was expecting, so I did not want to wait until January, when I would have been further along in my pregnancy and would have been more uncomfortable. We went to camelback last year on yeshiva break it was very fun, and I noticed a lot of other Jewish people there too.

Freda Louz

Our family is not going away this year because we have four children, ages four and under. Also, one of them has school during winter break. Instead of taking a trip abroad, we’re thinking of doing a weekend in the Poconos or going snow tubing. We’re also considering day trips such as Nickelodeon Universe at the mall, and checking out play places locally. The overall plan is just to bond with the kids and try to entertain them as best I can.

Susy Z. Cohen

I think that schools should give more days off for winter break. Six days with having Shabbat in between is not enough. Most families that travel end up taking a few extra days, anyway, so why not just give it to them? I know the schools do this intentionally because most people don’t travel. However, families that want to travel will do so no matter what.

Mollie Elbaz Briskman

We always plan our trips to include just our immediate family. My reason is that I always like to escape mentally on vacation, too. I don’t want to expend energy on “meeting” anyone or having to accommodate their plans. 

I am a very organized traveler. I already have an entire planner full of entertainment and meals organized from start to finish for our trip. For food I pack what I can’t order during the trip, and I always bring along a few Meal Mart “amazing meals” just in case of emergency. Also, I pack tons of snacks.

Amazon Prime Now was my best friend but now that it’s discontinued, Amazon Fresh will do! They deliver groceries right to the hotel. Last year I actually ordered while on my flight to Florida, and our groceries came right to us.

I pre-pack snacks in a utility box for the kids to eat through Disney. When I posted a picture of it for the first time last year, I got a TON of comments, and now I see them all over. Also, everything from specific outfits, to cosmetics, to challah goes in zip top bags. I order sandwich/gallon/quart packs of zip top bags from Amazon, and pack every item, I’m quite thorough and it pays off.  

As I guessed, people’s feelings about the subject of winter break run the gamut. I still feel that traveling is a privilege and is not a given. I spoke to many friends about the subject. In order to save money, a few looked into options of where they could travel on a low budget. Others suggested going away at a different time that was “off season.” Most of them scoffed at the idea of heading out for a winter vacation since, for them, travel wasn’t in the cards this year financially. Young community parents have so many pressing bills to cover, travel seems like a foreign concept. I think as a community we should normalize staying home and should be doing our best to organize events or programs during the ten-day break from school. At the very least, we should educate our children who do go away about empathizing with others and not discussing their travels with students who may have stayed home. 

Until next month, with love, 

Frieda Schweky

I’d love to talk more and hear your opinion on the subject, you can always reach me on Instagram @friedaschwekyphoto

One on One with Sally Alfaks Atlan

“The person I am today is all due to my parents who left Syria in 1992 with absolutely nothing. They escaped from an environment where they were persecuted for being Jewish. Both labored to give us everything and were, and still are, my role models.”  ~~ Sally ~~

Ellen Kamaras

Sally Alfaks Atlan emigrated to Brooklyn at the age of three, from Damascus, Syria with her parents, Touneh and Raymond, and her two sisters.  Raymond, a manufacturer, dropped 

everything to relocate his family to America, safe from the dangerous and oppressive anti-Semitic regime in Syria.   

“I don’t remember anything about my journey from Syria to Brooklyn.  My parents didn’t speak English and had no family here.  They were determined to work hard to give their children ‘the best of the best,’ the finest schools and whatever we needed.  My mother gave birth to two sons in Brooklyn.  We first lived in an apartment and then moved to a small house in Gravesend.”

As Sally shared her life story, two important character traits became evident. The first was her immense appreciation, hakarat hatov, that she expressed for her parents.  Their struggles strongly influenced Sally’s life outlook.  The second was her determination.  As you read about Sally, you will see how she consistently demonstrates gratitude for everything in her life and exhibits grit to accomplish her life purpose and objectives.

Sally’s friends describe her as strong-willed, trustworthy, determined, accomplished, caring, and bold, which she agreed with. Sally is a woman infused with candor, confidence, and courage.  And her out-of-the box thinking and strategy have helped her to reach beyond her community bubble. 

Growing up

Sally was tenacious even as a youngster.  “I was a little devil, wanting to do things my way.  I never gave up, trying different approaches to overcome challenges and meet my goals.”  

Sally loved school and studied diligently in grade school, at Ahi Ezer Yeshiva, and at Magen David Yeshivah High School.  “I needed to get my ‘A’” she recalls.  Her efforts were rewarded with high school honors placement and a scholarship to Brooklyn College.

Sally majored in psychology at Brooklyn College out of a desire to help people. She seriously contemplated going pre-med.  She decided that medicine would not fit with her vision of raising a family.  When Sally went to the Sephardic Bikur Holim Career Division for help with her resume, her counselor suggested she explore occupational therapy. Sally researched OT and fell in love with the field. It would satisfy her yearning to be a helping professional and her background in psychology would enable her to understand her client’s emotions.

A Match Is Made 

How meaningful is it that Sally met her naseeb, Yohan Atlan, twelve years ago, through a young man from Canada Yohan befriended on an Aish HaTorah trip to Israel.  Born and raised in Paris, France, Yohan was studying at Yeshiva University when the couple met.   

Remember Sally called herself out-of-the-box?  Marrying a French Moroccan/Algerian Jew is just one example, and the two meld their backgrounds beautifully.

They still laugh about Sally giving Yohan her Blackberry pin number instead of her cell phone number. Guess What?  Her pin number contained her phone number!

Hashem blessed the couple with three boys, Ariel (nine), Gabriel (six), and Eitan (two).  “They are my life,” Sally says proudly.

As newlyweds, Sally and Yohan were both completing their bachelor’s degrees.  Sally was awarded a scholarship to Long Island University for OT graduate school based on her high GPA.  She started her three-and-a-half-year OT program as a new mom.  Yohan had another year to go with his accounting degree before he registered in a one-year International Taxation Master’s program at LIU.

“We couldn’t have completed our training without my parents,” Sally told me.  “My mother helped tremendously with childcare. They still pitch in.”  Both Sally and Yohan agree that the early years were tough. “We built ourselves from scratch, we are a family, we own a home, and are growing. That’s what a marriage is.”

Sally did her field work in diverse settings, including the VA Hospital, Bellevue Hospital, and school settings.  She noted how selfless her veteran patients were and how many suffered from PTSD.  “Bellevue was a real eye opener for me. I was pregnant and was assigned to a lock down psychiatric ward.  I saw and learned about mental illness.”  In the school setting, Sally participated in IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meetings, collaborating with the teachers and other specialists to set students’ goals.  

Practicing OT

Sally is a pediatric OT.  She currently works in a Special Education program in the public school district and enjoys the challenges and rewards of practicing OT, one-on-one, with children on the spectrum.  

“My approach to my job is to take it day by day and see what the day brings. – every day is a surprise with the kids I work with.”

Sally thanks Hashem for revealing to her how difficult it is for her clients to do tasks that come naturally for other kids.  It’s so rewarding when they can enjoy the playground without a meltdown or use a proper utensil to eat lunch.  Involving the kids in play activities is one of Sally’s successful strategies.

“I wake up every morning, not knowing whether a child will reach his/her goal. They work so hard!  I learn so much from my students about myself, and I have expanded my skill set as an OT.  It’s a wonderful field and so flexible. I have time with my family and do something I love.”

The pandemic was very difficult for Sally’s students who were stuck at home for 18 months.  “It broke my heart.  When we went remote, these kids regressed. They need physical, in-person interaction.” 

Passions 

“My utmost accomplishments are my family and career.  My husband and kids are what motivate me to get up in the morning and be the person who I am, which in turn makes me love what I do.”

Partners in Parenting

Sally calls Yohan “the rock of our family.”  “He is my biggest cheerleader and inspired me to be more open-minded.”

Their life perspectives are similar.  Yohan wants their children to learn to work hard and to appreciate life and people.  

Sally is so proud of Yohan, that he strives to be his best and is caring and humble. “He is a jack of all trades: he has an accounting practice, does a bit of real estate, and he recently bought a plumbing business from a client.”   

Yohan partners with Sally to balance family and careers.  “I wake up with two older kids around 6:30am and do the morning routine with them. I drive to my job at 7:15, while the kids wait for the bus to pick them up at 7:30. Yohan does the morning routine with Eitan and drops him off at school. I pick him up and get home in time for the school bus drop off, of Ariel and Gabriel.  I cook dinner, do homework, showers, and bedtime routine.  If Yohan gets home early, he helps me.  The most important thing is that we work together.” 

Sally taught her children that Mommy loves them, they are number one, but being an OT makes Mommy happy, too. They are so proud of Sally and encourage her daily to get up and do what she loves.

Inspirational Influences

Sally learned unconditional selflessness and hesed from her mom.  Her grandmother Sally, a”h, modeled strength and independence. Yohan, who came to New York with 600 Euros to his name, created a life for himself, demonstrating resilience and drive.

Community and Self-Care

Through her husband’s eyes, Sally has grown to value the community even more.  “We are part of the strongest community in the world.  My husband didn’t have the love and care of this kind in Paris. It’s surreal.”  

Sally thrives on working out to destress from her day. She attends Pilates reformer classes a few evenings a week.

What’s Next?

Sally is getting certified as a feeding and oral motor therapist. “I am fortunate that I can be creative and integrate the sensory component. Some students can’t chew and eat only pureed solids, which is hard to see.”

Enhancing her knowledge and skill set by taking continuing education courses is key for Sally.

Sally’s advice and secret to success?  Follow your dreams and do what makes you happy.  As a woman, be your own person and cultivate independence. Think out-of-the-box and remember that challenges help you grow.  Show gratitude when others help you.

What gives her fortitude?  “It’s always been Hashem. Trusting that the smooth and bumpy stones along the way have made me the person I am and continue to be.”  

I leave you with Sally’s favorite quote: “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says I’m possible.”

You can call Sally (646-379-7014), email her, sallyalfaks@gmail.com or message her on Instagram @sallyatlan.

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach.  Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching.   Ellen works part-time as an entitlement specialist at Ohel Children’s Home and Family Services. She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).

Holiness 24/7

Where was Gd at the time of Matan Torah, when He gave the Torah to our ancestors?

Of course, all know that He was on Mount Sinai, where Beneh Yisrael had assembled to receive the Torah, as we read this month in Parashat Yitro, which tells the story of the Revelation at Sinai.

This answer is correct, but not specific enough.

Where exactly was Gd?  Did He reveal Himself from the heavens, or did He descend to the earth to address our ancestors?

Rashi observes a seeming contradiction between two verses regarding this point.  On the one hand, the Torah says explicitly, “Gd descended upon Mount Sinai” (Shemot 19:20) – that He came down from the heavens to speak to Beneh Yisrael.  Later, however, following the Revelation, Gd commanded Moshe to tell the people, “You saw that I spoke to you from the heavens” (20:18) – meaning, He remained in the heavens and spoke to the people from there.

To reconcile these two verses, Rashi presents a fascinating description of what happened the day: “He bent the upper and lower heavens and laid them out on top of the mountain like a sheet on a bed, and the Heavenly Throne descended upon them.”  Gd, essentially, brought the heavens upon Mount Sinai.  He was in the heavens and also on Mount Sinai – because He lowered the heavens and positioned them on the mountaintop.

Why did it have to be this way?  Why couldn’t Gd either speak to our ancestors from the heaven, or come down from the heavens to speak to them?

Taking Residence on Earth

Rashi’s comments must be understood in light of a cryptic passage in the Midrash (Tanhuma, Parashat Naso and Parashat Pekudeh).  

The Midrash relates that when Gd created the universe, “He desired to have a residence in the lower world.”  His aspiration, so-to-speak, was not to remain in the heavens and govern the earth from there, but rather to reside here in our world.  He took residence with Adam and Havah in Gan Eden, but when they sinned, He was forced to leave this world.  With each subsequent sin committed by mankind, Gd distanced Himself further from the earth.  

It was our patriarch Avraham, the Midrash continues, who began reversing the process.  His piety brought Gd one step back towards the world, and finally, at Mount Sinai, the process was complete.  At the time of Matan Torah, Gd again took residence here in our world, just as He had done at the time of creation.  

This, then, is the meaning of Rashi’s depiction of the heavens being moved onto Mount Sinai.  After living for many centuries away from the earth, Gd had now returned.  The image depicted by Rashi signifies Gd’s “packing His bags” and moving back to earth, now that Beneh Yisrael had received the Torah.

Needless to say, all this requires clarification.  Gd does not actually “live” anywhere.  He obviously has no “bags” to pack.  His “Throne” does not need to rest in any particular location.  What does the Midrash mean that Gd desires to live here in this world?

Rav Yosef’s Steak

To introduce this answer, let us briefly look at a famous story told in the Gemara (Pesahim 68b) about the holiday which celebrates the event of Matan Torah – Shavuot.  The Gemara relates that one of the sages, Rav Yosef, instructed his servant to prepare for him an especially choice slab of meat in honor of this occasion.  The celebration of the event of Matan Torah warranted enjoying a particularly robust and tasty piece of steak.

“If it weren’t for this day,” Rav Yosef explained, “there are several Yosefs out in the marketplace.”  

In other words, Shavuot is what made Rav Yosef different from other Yosefs.  It is because we were given the Torah that he became “Rav Yosef,” that he had the opportunity to study Gd’s wisdom and become a righteous scholar.

We must wonder, why a steak?!  

It is perfectly understandable why Rav Yosef regarded Shavuot as an especially significant day.  But of all the ways to express his appreciation for Matan Torah, why did he choose a large, scrumptious meat meal?  Why did he not celebrate by adding extra time for learning?  By delivering a special Torah class?  Or by arriving at a novel Torah insight?  Why a steak?!

The answer arises from a closer reading of the words, “If it weren’t for this day, there are several Yosefs in the marketplace.”  

Rav Yosef was saying that because of the Torah, his conduct in the marketplace differed drastically from that of other people.  The Torah shows us how to elevate “the marketplace,” even the ordinary, mundane areas of life.  The goal of the Torah is not for us to escape from “the marketplace,” from mundane activities, but for us to infuse them with sanctity and meaning.

Torah governs every single aspect of lives – business, to recreation, marriage, parenting, tending to our homes, addressing our physical needs, eating, socializing, and everything else.  By committing ourselves to Torah, everything we do becomes infused with meaning.  We encounter Gd everywhere we go and in everything we do.  Even in the “marketplace,” as we go about our ordinary affairs, we are serving our Creator, we are experiencing sanctity, because we go about our affairs according to the special standards which the Torah demands.

Heaven on Earth

Judaism differs in this regard from other religions, which believe in a complete separation between the sacred and mundane realms.  They regard ordinary, physical activities such as eating, drinking, sleeping, material pursuits, and marital life as inherently irredeemable, and things which should be avoided as much as possible, or at least minimized.  This is not the Torah’s way.  Of course, the Torah demands reasonable moderation and proper prioritization.  Many rabbis – myself included – frequently warn against excessive preoccupation with physical indulgence and the pursuit of wealth.  But none of us call for withdrawing from physical enjoyment, or encourage poverty as an ideal way of life.  The Torah urges us not to avoid mundane activities, but rather to enhance them, to elevate them, to inject them with meaning by engaging in them according to its principles.

This explains the descriptions of Matan Torah presented above.

Gd did not speak to us from the heavens, because this would suggest that Torah life requires us to be heavenly, to transcend our earthly limits and resemble angels.  Gd could not leave the heavens, because this would suggest that there is no need to strive for something beyond the earthly domain, to reach for a heavenly, spiritual existence.  And so instead, Gd brought the heavens to earth – because this is exactly what the Torah does.  It invites us to experience the heavens here in our world, while going about our ordinary, mundane affairs.  Matan Torah was precisely about bringing the heavens down into our world, showing us how to live heavenly, spiritually charged lives even while living as normal human beings.

Misguided Compartmentalization

This perspective on Matan Torah serves as a warning against compartmentalizing our lives, assigning certain times of day, of the week or of the year, for religion, and leaving religion out of it the rest of the time.  

Some Jews decide they will be “religious” only during the High Holidays.  Or on all the holidays.  Some, every Shabbat.  Others are “religious” each day in the synagogue, but then check religion at the door and do what they want at home and at work.  And then there are those who adhere to the Torah during the year but not in the summer months, or when they are in the city but not while traveling.

This is not just inconsistent, but reflective of a fundamentally misguided understanding of what our religion is all about.  It is not about taking periodic breaks for spirituality and then getting back to “normal” life.  Rather, it is about bringing heaven to earth, about living a holy, Gdly life even as physical beings engaged in physical activities.  It is about enjoying the pleasures and delights of our world – but within certain boundaries and according to certain guidelines.  

Holiness is not something which is experienced only in the synagogue or the study hall; or only on Shabbat or holidays; or only by rabbis and great Torah scholars.  It is something which each and every one of us is to experience, 24/7, around the clock, no matter what we are involved in.  Whether we’re home, in the office, on vacation, at the doctor’s office, in a department store, with our car in the mechanic – we can and must make it a “heavenly” experience by conducting ourselves according to Torah values and Torah law.

I am proud to say that we in our community are blessed with so many outstanding living examples of this concept.  I never cease to be amazed or inspired by the innumerable professionals and businessmen in the community who infuse their lives with kedushah.  Whether it’s Torah study during the commute; finding ways to make time for prayer with a minyan amid a hectic work schedule; sacrificing profitable opportunities for the sake of Shabbat and Yom Tov; or unwavering compliance with the Torah’s strict code of honesty and ethics – we have so many members who show how to turn the office into a sanctuary, into a place of holiness.  This is precisely what Torah life is all about – taking the sanctity of synagogue and yeshiva and injecting it into everything one does.

Let us all follow this model, so we transform our entire lives into an unending experience of kedushah, and bring Gd into every step we take each and every day.

Once Upon A Thyme – Cream of Potato Soup with Caramelized Onions

With just a few ingredients and minimal cooking time, this creamy potato soup is so easy to make, yet loaded with flavor. Plus, this velvety soup is ultra-rich without any dairy! Caramelized onions blended into the soup and then added again before serving add loads of flavor while coconut milk lends to the creaminess. Virtually any milk will work, so you can swap for soy, almond, or regular. Be sure to dice the potatoes uniformly so they will cook evenly. Just one bowl of this tasty and luscious soup is sure to keep you satisfied and warm on any cold winter night. 

  • 3 tablespoons oil
  • 4 large onions chopped
  • 3 garlic cloves minced
  • 6 yellow potatoes peeled and diced
  • 4 cups water
  • 4 cups vegetable broth
  • 1 can coconut milk (or milk of choice)
  • 1 ½ teaspoon salt
  • 1 teaspoon pepper
  • 2 cups croutons

Instructions

  1. Heat oil in a large pot over medium heat and add onions. Cook for about ten minutes until caramelized. Remove half the onions and reserve for later. 
  2. Add garlic and cook until fragrant (about 30 seconds).
  3. Add diced potatoes to the pot along with the vegetable broth, coconut milk, salt, and pepper. Bring to a boil and then cook for another 40 minutes on low.
  4. Remove from heat and use an immersion blender to puree until smooth. 
  5. If needed, add ½ cup of water at a time if too thick.
  6. Serve warm with croutons and reserved caramelized onions.

Peacefully Parenting in Unpredictable Times

How can we parent our children optimally when we ourselves feel so unsettled inside about the lack of stability around us? We have no idea what lies ahead of us as far as schooling, food supply, finances, or how the emotional lives of our children will turn out. Is it possible to feel safe and secure when the future is as known to us as much as life on planet Mars is? The answer is yes!

The reason we can feel okay inside amidst all this turmoil is that our security does not come from knowledge of the future. In fact, nobody ever knew what the future would hold, even when life appeared more predictable in pre-Covid times. But we don’t even need to know what the next minute will bring in order to feel settled inside. Certainly, insecure thoughts will arise in our minds, but that’s okay because our thoughts can’t harm us, and we can let go of them one thought at a time. Security comes from the understanding that every single experience that comes our way in life is uniquely designed for us by Hashem because we need it, and surely we always have the tools to get through any challenge in life.

In order to truly connect with our children, we must be fully present with them. Let’s look at  how this would play out the wrong way and the right way, in the context of life these days.

The Wrong Way: Your son comes home from school and tells you that three children were making fun of him on the bus. You start to have lots of insecure thoughts such as, “I hope his self-esteem isn’t damaged forever.” “I hope he doesn’t now go on to bully other children.” “Maybe this means he is lacking the skills to speak up for himself and I failed as a parent.” (Sound familiar?) You start to feel like all these worries about the future must be true and are very helpful, so you ask him why he didn’t just speak up, since you’ve taught him this a thousand times already. The next child walks in and you are short tempered with him too, all because you were engaging with your insecure thoughts about what the future “should” look like, and how your child’s chances of a bright future look very bleak.

The Right Way: Your son comes home from school and tells you that three children were making fun of him on the bus. You start to have lots of insecure thoughts such as, “I hope his self-esteem isn’t damaged forever.” “I hope he doesn’t now go on to bully other children.” “Maybe this means he is lacking the skills to speak up for himself and I failed as a parent.” You recognize that everyone has unhelpful worrisome thoughts about the future, and that you don’t need to know what the future holds in order to be okay right now. You also recognize the parts of your body that are feeling anxious, and you remind yourself that all feelings are normal. You simply listen to your son’s account of his difficult bus ride, and stay with him as an empathetic and loving ear. The next child walks in, and while you are feeling your low mood state, you welcome him home with a gentle smile and tell him how glad you are to see him. About 20 minutes later, your low mood passes, because you allowed yourself to feel the feelings, and once feelings are processed they all pass.

So next time you feel that you can’t feel calm around life’s challenges, remind yourself that that’s just another unhelpful thought, and this will help you stay present with your children.

Helpful and Healthful Tips

It’s amazing how different our quality of life is when we have a healthy understanding of the following truths:

  • Nobody knows what will happen in the future, and that’s exactly the way it’s supposed to be.
  • Our thoughts can’t harm us, and we can choose not to engage with them when they are unhelpful.
  • We have all the tools we need to deal with any challenge that we get.
  • All feelings pass.

From The Files of The Mitzvah Man Hesed Stories – An Unbroken Cycle of Hesed

Pnina Souid

The connections of hesed made by the Mitzvah Man Organization defy space, time, and place. One extended family’s story is proof of this.

It Started with a Washer and Dryer

A woman named Sarah called the Mitzvah Man hotline in Lakewood, NJ. She said, “We are a large family and have no washer and dryer. Would it be possible for the Mitzvah Man Organization to provide us with these appliances please?”

The Mitzvah Man volunteer told Sarah to fill out the required legal forms and if she was approved the washer and drier would be delivered. And so, it was! The family was immensely grateful.

Request for a Special Delivery

Months later, a woman named Rivka called the hotline from Israel. She explained that she and her family had made aliya, and her 92-year-old father, Mr. Goldstein, was in the U.S., and was planning to attend her son’s bar mitzvah. Rivka noted why it was especially meaningful that her father attend. The bar mitzvah boy had been critically ill with a life-threatening illness when he was two years old. Baruch Hashem, he recovered and now would be celebrating his bar mitzvah. The family desperately wanted the bar mitzvah boy’s grandfather to be there. However, the grandfather had never traveled alone before. Would it be possible for a Mitzvah Man volunteer pick him up, take him to the airport, and stay with him until the airport personnel took over (where people not flying were not allowed)?

A text message was sent out to all the volunteers and was quickly answered by Eli. He was given all the details and he responded, “I would be happy to do this mitzvah.”

The Mitzvah Man Organization informed Rivka that a volunteer would meet her father at his home, would take him with his luggage to the airport, and would stay with him until the airport personnel took over. Eli performed his part of this special mitzvah without a hitch. 

A “Chance” Encounter

On the plane, Mr. Goldstein began chatting with the man seated next to him. Mr. Goldstein told his seat partner that he had never traveled alone before, and he was worried about getting off the plane, having to find his luggage, and then finding his family members that were coming to pick him up. 

The man asked him, “How did you manage to come to the airport and deal with all the variables on the home end?”

“Very simply. There is an organization called The Mitzvah Man. My daughter called them from Israel. One of their volunteers picked me up from home and made sure that I would get on the plane without any problems.”

“Why, I am a volunteer for the Mitzvah Man Organization, too! Mr. Goldstein, you have nothing to worry about. Once we arrive at Ben Gurion Airport, I will help you through customs and will stay with you to retrieve your luggage, and to greet your family. I am sure they are looking forward to seeing you and taking you home with them.”

“I don’t believe this! Hashem is really taking care of me,” Mr. Goldstein exclaimed.

All went well for Mr. Goldstein and his new friend, one of the many Mitzvah Man volunteers who just might pop up any place.

But, the story doesn’t end here.

A Family Affair

Once Mr. Goldstein was settled his daughter Rivka called her sister in Lakewood to let her know that their father was fine.

Rivka’s sister asked her how their father made it to the airport in New York and managed to get on the plane. Rivka answered, “I called the Mitzvah Man Organization. They sent a wonderful volunteer who was with our father until airlines personnel took over. On the plane he had such hashgaha pratis. He was sitting next to a man who turned out to be a Mitzvah Man volunteer. We met him when we came to pick our father up.”

“The Mitzvah Man Organization helped you? Wow! This is the organization that provided us with the washer and dryer we needed so badly,” said Rivka’s sister, Sarah.

The sisters were astounded. Rivka emailed the Mitzvah Man to tell him how his organization was there for them – from the family in Lakewood, to New York, to Israel.

This family’s story is just one example of the far-reaching hesed of the Mitzvah Man organization. 

Mentorship Magic@Propel

Nothing feels better than using one’s knowledge, experiences, and talents to support another woman’s quest for success. Nobody knows this better than Lois Sutton, Esq. and Sandra Nasser Maxwell.  Sandy progressed from being a part-time administrative assistant in Lois’ law office (Lois D. Sutton LLC) to having a full-time position as a certified paralegal with the firm in just two-and-a-half years.

Sandy’s Road to Success

This is their PROPEL mentorship success story.

After getting divorced in 2018, Sandy moved to New Jersey. Although she had an associate’s degree in music from Kingsborough Community College, Sandy never had the opportunity to use her training professionally. In 2019, Lois D. Sutton hired Sandy as a part-time administrative assistant for her law office, handling the front desk and performing other secretarial tasks.

“Last month, I completed my paralegal certificate program with honors as a member of Phi Beta Kappa, having maintained a position on the Dean’s list for the duration of my studies at Brookdale Community College,” gushed Sandy when asked about her journey.

The magic ingredient in this story is the power of mentorship and the role it played and continues to play. You never know when an opportunity will arise. Sandy began working at the offices of Lois D. Sutton, Esq., two-and-a-half years ago. If Sandy had not taken the part-time receptionist secretarial job at the firm, she never would have experienced this chance to change her life. 

At 59 years old, Sandy continues to work hard to improve herself every day. She truly believes that her maturity and life experience brings value to her employer. “I’ve learned to go out of my comfort zone to succeed in life. For me, it meant adding school to an already busy schedule.” Sandy is happy that throughout this journey she made sure to be there for her family, although she did have to minimize her social life. “I was working two jobs and going to school. I was driven to reach my goal because I knew once I finished my training and could begin working in a professional capacity, I would be able to support myself AND continue to be there for my two grown sons and daughter-in-law.”  In other words, the hard work was well worth the sacrifice. Sandy contrasts her vision of the future with what it felt like to be newly divorced and financially vulnerable. “It was a constant struggle, juggling jobs and trying to make ends meet. Today, I feel accomplished. I’m a professional and I love the security of knowing I can support myself,” she says.

“I cannot commend Sandy enough for her diligence and persistence in reaching her goal,” says Lois, her employer and mentor. “I am grateful to PROPEL for enabling and empowering her to do it.  I am proud of Sandy and look forward to her continued growth in the paralegal field,” continues Lois.

Lois Sutton Steers Community Women to Paralegal Field

Lois Sutton is a sole practitioner in New Jersey who brings four decades of experience to her legal practice, both academically and professionally. She specializes in wills, trusts, estate planning, probate, real estate, and business law.  Lois earned her Bachelor of Science at Brooklyn College and graduated Magna Cum Lauda from the Rutgers School of Law-Newark, after she had married and had her first two children.  Lois held positions as in-house counsel for what is now Wells Fargo Bank, was the Endowment Director for Jewish Federation of Monmouth County, and worked as an attorney for several well-established law firms before opening her own legal practice eleven years ago. Her experience has allowed her to successfully represent the interests of generations of community families with a wide range of legal needs. Lois acknowledges the support of her husband and family throughout. 

“I’ve been trying to steer community women into the paralegal profession for years because it’s a lucrative, very rewarding  career and many times it can be structured with flexibility in mind,” says Lois.

Paralegals are in high demand in New Jersey, New York, and elsewhere. Being a  paralegal is a  dynamic profession. A paralegal can work part-time, full-time, or per diem, in an office or remotely.  The paralegal is typically the first person a new client speaks with, maintaining this relationship, often meeting with the client and making sure the client is kept informed and the file is moved forward expeditiously.  A paralegal has many responsibilities: handling the court and appointment calendar and deadlines, maintaining the files, and reviewing and preparing documents and other materials under the supervision of an attorney.  “If Sandy doesn’t do her job, I can’t do mine,” says Lois. 

An experienced paralegal can build her own practice or service providing support for other law offices and even supervise other paralegals. As Lois further explains, “A paralegal can also specialize in the type of law and office that interests her most: fast-paced litigation in a large firm, real estate and contracts for a solo practitioner, and everything in between.”

Mentoring as the Magic Ingredient

So, how did Sandy go from getting hired as a part-time receptionist-secretary to become a full-time paralegal? MENTORING is the answer. Lois says that when she first hired Sandy, she immediately recognized her aptitude. She was intelligent, inquisitive, conscientious, had a great phone manner and client rapport, and she was eager to learn and acquire new skills.  With the retirement of the office’s long-time paralegal, Sandy was positioned to make the move.

Lois truly enjoys being a mentor.  Over the years, she has met with and guided many community members interested in becoming lawyers, paralegals, and legal assistants. She finds immense gratification helping a person move forward. Therefore, it was natural for Lois to encourage Sandy to  engage with PROPEL. The rest, as the saying goes, is history. 

For her part, Sandy is thankful and appreciative. She describes her mentor as being generous and informative, sharing in-depth context that helps her understand what is behind the tasks she is asked to perform. “I come to the office every day with a smile on my face, ready to proceed with the work at hand,” says Sandy. She says the work is never routine, which keeps the work interesting and fulfills her desire to keep learning new things. She especially enjoys assisting clients, building rapport, and keeping them updated. Mentorship plays a continual role in this relationship because Sandy is new to the profession. A  portion of their daily interactions as lawyer and paralegal is specifically and intentionally dedicated to mentorship.

PROPEL’s Mentorship Program Is a Game Changer

Thanks to a grant that PROPEL received from the UJA Federation of New York, PROPEL’s “Weaving a Network: Women Helping Women” mentorship program was established. The goal of the program is to help women in a variety of professions to form these mentorship relationships, to support each other, and to expand their career opportunities. Supervised by PROPEL’s educational consultant, Gitta Neufeld, the first groups are actively engaged in team-building and mentoring. Lois believes that this new mentorship program at PROPEL will have an enormous impact on our community. “The hardest thing about identifying and traveling down a career path is finding a mentor,” says the attorney.  “PROPEL’s mentorship program is a game changer.”

“I am very excited to be part of this initiative and look forward to using my experience and contacts in the legal world to benefit our mentees,” states Lois. And as for Sandy, she says,  “Bless PROPEL and the new Mentorship program. PROPEL made this positive change possible.”

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If you are interested in joining PROPEL’s cohort of mentors in PROPEL’s “Weaving a Network: Women Helping Women” program or being paired with a mentor, please email PROPEL at Info@thePropelNetwork.org.