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Raising Motivated Children

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May 2023

As the summer approaches, opportunities for relaxing become a part of our family’s schedule. It’s important that we gear up to raise grateful and motivated children. While relaxing is a necessary part of life, many people miss the point and think that relaxing is the goal of life.

Oftentimes, people who mistakenly believe it’s the goal wonder why they are miserable, when, in fact, their misery is caused by them not realizing that they were designed to work, and their soul is craving that fulfillment.

Two Scenarios

Let’s contemplate two imaginary scenarios and decide which one is more fulfilling. In the first scenario, a mother notices that one of her children needs help socializing. She notices that while her daughter’s strong points are math and language arts, socializing is very difficult for her. The same day, Mom hears that she won a three-month vacation to an island where she will be served around the clock, and will not have to lift a finger to make anything happen. She has only to make a request, and servants will quickly fulfill her every desire. The mother accepts the gift, and does nothing for three entire months.

In the second scenario, a mother also notices that one of her children needs help socializing. She notices that while her daughter’s strong points are math and language arts, socializing is very difficult for her. But this mother takes on the challenge of doing whatever it takes to help her daughter feel successful with her friends. This mother researches, makes phone calls, reads books, interviews therapists, and ultimately decides that she needs to sit with her daughter daily to teach her certain social skills. But according to her research, she learned how important it is that her daughter should not feel that her mother is trying to fix her. This is quite a challenge, because our children only receive what we have to teach them if they truly believe that we keep our eye on the greatness within them. After several months, this mother notices that her daughter is beginning to be more successful with her friends. She acquired several conversational skills that made a huge difference in her life.

Now which mother would be more fulfilled by the end of the three months? Clearly the mother who invested in her child and saw that she was working hard to build another human being. Why is it that we would feel much more fulfillment in the second scenario? Because there the mother is doing what she was designed for. A car was designed to drive, a phone was designed for communication, and one of the things that a human being was designed for was to build other human beings.

Model Motivation!

In the first scenario, the mother may have experienced great comfort and the feeling of being pampered. But soon enough, emptiness sets in when a person is not doing what they were designed for. So, if we would like to raise children who are highly motivated, who love to work hard and grow, we need to model that we are highly motivated and excited about our work in life. (We are not talking about overworking.)

Next time you drive your children somewhere or buy them something, let them know how enjoyable it is for you. Do not do this with the intention of having your children be grateful. Do it and say it just because it’s true, and because you really do love giving and working hard. After you do it a few times, make it a habit, and watch your children follow your lead, as always.

Breaks and vacations from hard work are important. They help us keep going. But let’s not get lost in thinking it’s a goal in and of itself. It’s a fun means to help us reach our goals. Never be afraid to show your children that hard work is awesome!

Shavuot FAQ

Community Magazine

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May 2023

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By Rabbi Hayim Asher Arking and Rabbi Ezra Ghodsi

Many have the custom to eat dairy on Shavuot. If one wants to make dairy bread, one should be cognizant of the halachot involved. The Gemara (Pesahim 30b) teaches that one is not allowed to make bread that was kneaded with milk. This prohibition was instituted by the Rabbis out of concern that one will forget or will not realize the bread is dairy and will eat it together with meat. Baking dairy bread is only permitted in certain instances.

What are the conditions to allow one to bake dairy bread?

One may bake dairy bread if one of the following conditions is met:

1) Only a small amount is baked.

2) The bread is baked in a shape that is recognized as specifically dairy or meat. If there is an identifying – not just a different – shape, that will remind people that it is meat or dairy one may bake even a large amount.

What is considered “a small amount”?

According to some opinions, it’s the amount that will be eaten in the coming meal. Some are more lenient and allow an amount that will be eaten within the next day. When baking such a small amount for the family there is no concern that it will be accidentally eaten with the other type.

What shape should I bake the bread in?

A shape only helps if those eating the bread would recognize the bread is dairy because of the shape. If the same shape is used for both dairy and pareve bread it will not help, as one may inadvertently assume that the bread is pareve. Another option would be to sprinkle cheese on top of the dough, as this way it would be easily recognizable as dairy and it wouldn’t be eaten with meat accidentally.

What if I already baked a large amount without a distinctive shape?

If one forgot, or even if one was unaware of the halacha, and baked a large amount of dairy bread, all of the bread is forbidden to eat, even by itself, and must be discarded. Once the dairy bread is baked, it does not help to give it out to family and friends, even if each person is receiving a small amount and it will be eaten right away.

What about crackers and pastries?

Although one of the above conditions is necessary for both bread and crackers alike, those conditions are not required for sweet pastries or cakes. One is allowed to bake a large number of sweet dairy pastries or cakes even without an identifying shape. Since sweet pastries are not eaten together with meat we are not concerned that a mistake will happen. Although one who ate meat has to wait six hours before eating anything dairy, we do not go so far as to prohibit making something that might be eaten during that time, and only prohibit what might be eaten together with meat.

What about items that are filled, like sambousak?

In regards to sambousak or bourekas, there are varying customs. Some are careful to make them in an identifying shape. For example, cheese bourekas are triangles, while the meat ones are made into a square. The meat ones also have some of the meat showing to differentiate between meat and pareve bourekas. For sambousak, the meat and cheese ones are made in two different shapes to identify which one is which. Others are of the opinion that the prohibition only applies to bread that was kneaded with milk, as one who is eating it has no way to know that it is not regular bread. However, something filled does not need an identifying shape, as it is clearly noticeable that there is filling and one will find out what is inside before eating. Experience has shown that it is prudent to make bourekas or sambousak noticeably different, as people have mistakenly used the dairy ones for a meat meal or baked dairy and meat ones simultaneously.

What if a small amount of pareve bread came in contact with dairy?

If only a small amount of pareve bread came in contact with dairy, it is permissible to eat, however, one must be careful not to eat it with meat. In fact, the halacha goes further and requires that any bread eaten with a dairy meal may not be eaten at a meat meal, or vice versa, out of concern that the bread may have come in contact with meat or dairy. This halacha applies to any food that was on the table and potentially came in contact with dairy or meat. They should not be served at the opposite meal.

What about the bread that was in the middle of the table and didn’t get touched at all?

Generally, what was used for serving in the middle of the table may be used in both a meat and dairy meal, as it wouldn’t come in contact with the other food on the table. One should be mindful if there are children at the table, as it may be problematic to re-serve the food since it is more likely that the food would have come in contact with their hands, which may have had food residue on them.

Custom to Eat Dairy

It is interesting to note that while there are many reasons given for the custom to eat dairy on Shavuot. The Rema (Shulhan Aruch 594:3) explains the custom based on the previous halacha. It appears the custom in his time was to start the meal with dairy and then in the middle clear off all the dairy and switch to a meat meal. The Rema explains that based on the above halacha, they would need to bring new bread to the table. The requirement to have two separate breads would then serve as a remembrance of the Sh’tei Ha’lehem – the two-bread offering brought in the Bet Hamikdash on Shavuot.

MEDICAL Halacha – Massage on Shabbat

Community Magazine

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May 2023

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M*E*D*I*C*A*L Halacha – Massage on Shabbat

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas

Rabbi, last Shabbat my shoulder was hurting so I asked my son for a gentle massage. He politely refused, arguing that massages on Shabbat were forbidden. But I once learned that it is permissible. Is my son correct or was he just being lazy?

There’s actually a difference of opinion as to whether you may have a massage on Shabbat. Hacham Ovadia, zt”l, does allow a gentle amateur massage, but others disagree. To appreciate these different perspectives, we need to delve into differing explanations of a mishnah in Masechet Shabbat (147a) and the subsequent rulings of the Shulchan Aruch.

The mishnah rules that one may not be “mit’amel” on Shabbat. Rashi explains that “mitamel” describes a type of massage of vigorously rubbing the body. It is prohibited on Shabbat since it is classified as a “weekday activity” or “uvdin de-chol.” Rambam disagrees and describes “mitamel” as a therapeutic treatment that induces sweating. This was considered medically beneficial and is therefore prohibited under the general prohibition of medical treatment on Shabbat (in a non-lifesaving setting).

A practical difference between these two approaches is a gentle massage. According to Rambam, so long as it doesn’t induce sweating, it would be permissible, but Rashi would still prohibit it since it would still qualify as a weekday activity.

So, who do we rule like, Rambam or Rashi?

Fascinatingly, Rabbi Yosef Kairo, the author of the Shulchan Aruch, seems to contradict himself. He first quotes Rashi’s opinion in chapter 327:2 of Hilchot Shabbat and in the very next chapter (328:42), he quotes the Rambam. Depending as to how you resolve this seeming contradiction will answer the question, can you have a massage on Shabbat.

Some halachic commentators explain that the Shulchan Aruch quotes both opinions because he adopts the potential stringencies of both opinions. Others explain that, in essence, Rashi and Rambam agree as to the practical outcome of prohibiting massages, and they only disagree as to how to properly interpret the mishnah. This is the stance of those who prohibit massages on Shabbat.

The Bi’ur Halacha (328:42), however, understands that Shulchan Aruch is indeed quoting two opposing views, but that for practical purposes we follow the opinion of Rambam, and he therefore permits a gentle massage that does not induce sweating. This is, in part, the line of reasoning and the source for Hacham Ben Zion Aba Shaul (Or Lezion 2:36:11) leniency to permit a massage on Shabbat to relieve pain and is quoted by Hacham Ovadia (Hazon Ovadia, Shabbat, Vol. 3, pp. 386 – 389).

Hacham Ovadia goes a bit further and also permits basic morning stretching exercises on Shabbat since they are neither meant to be therapeutic nor do they induce sweating (see also S.A. 301:2). He similarly permits breathing exercises as part of daily regimen of speech therapy.

Running and exercising that induces sweating is also prohibited. However, casual walking, even for health reasons, is allowed. The Gemara (Shabbat 113b) learns this from the pasuk in Yeshayahu (58:13) that says: “If you restrain your foot on the Shabbat… if you declare the Shabbat as a ‘delight’ [and] Hashem’s holy day as ‘honored’ and honor it by not engaging in your own affairs…”

The Talmud and Rambam (Shabbat, 24:4) explain this to mean that even our manner of walking on Shabbat should be different than our weekday walking, which precludes running, unless running to perform a mitzvah, which is permitted. Shabbat is both a day of “ta’anug,” enjoyment, as well as a day of rest, requiring proper balance and prioritizing. In conclusion, if a gentle massage is needed to relieve aches or pains, this is allowed according to our Sephardic hachamim.

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas is a worldwide expert and writer on medical halacha, and is the head of the Torat Habayit Medical Halacha Institute. His latest book is entitled “Brain Death in Halacha and the Tower of Babel Syndrome.” To contact Rabbi Finchas, email rabbi@torathabayit.com.

Met Council Distributes Nearly $10 Million in Food Before Pesach

Community Magazine

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May 2023

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Met Council Distributes Nearly $10 Million in Food Before Pesach

In the weeks leading up to Pesach, Met Council, America’s largest Jewish charity dedicated to combatting poverty, distributed nearly $10 million in kosher for Pesach provisions to more than 321,000 people suffering from food insecurity.

This year’s Pesach food distribution, America’s largest, was made possible by the generous supporters of Met Council, its partnership with the UJA Federation of New York, and millions of eggs that were donated by Deb El Food Products. The free kosher for Pesach food packages included matzah, kosher for Pesach chicken, gefilte fish, eggs, tuna, grape juice, apple juice, tomato sauce, applesauce, jam, oil, pickles, lemon juice, macaroons, imitation vinegar, sugar, potato starch, and a wide variety of produce.

More than 1,200 volunteers, and many of New York’s political and communal leaders, participated in the efforts to help distribute the Pesach food packages.

Founded in 1972, the Metropolitan Council on Jewish Poverty (Met Council) has been fighting poverty and promoting the social welfare of New York’s struggling populations including the impoverished, immigrants, and the elderly. Its “Kosher Food Network” is the largest kosher food pantry program globally. Its social services programs support tens of thousands of New Yorkers through direct assistance and by helping to register them for applicable government programs. These include programs supporting victims of domestic violence, the elderly, Holocaust survivors, and those experiencing other financially-based crises. Met Council is also the largest owner and operator of affordable housing in the Jewish community.

For more information, please visit https://www.metcouncil.org.

Thousands Enjoy Free Hol Hamoed Extravaganza Sponsored by Assemblyman Simcha Eichenstein

Assemblyman Eichenstein and Councilman Yeger Addressing the Crowd at the Hol Hamoed Extravaganza in Midwood.

The sun shone brightly on Hol Hamoed Pesach this year, as thousands of Brooklyn residents enjoyed two free Hol Hamoed Extravaganza events sponsored by Assemblyman Simcha Eichenstein.

The first event, which was hosted in conjunction with the BPJCC, was held on Sunday, April 9^th at Gravesend Park in Boro Park and featured over two dozen rides, attractions, a magic show, and outstanding entertainment. The second event, hosted with COJO Flatbush, took place in Midwood, at East 17^th Street and Avenue M, and included many rides, arcades, shows, and a dynamic concert featuring top-tier entertainment. At both events, all snacks, rides, entertainment, and activities were completely free of charge.

“Kids look forward to Hol Hamoed as an opportunity to spend quality time together with their families in a warm, joyful, and fun-filled environment,” said Assemblyman Simcha Eichenstein, “while adults look forward to providing a genuine Hol Hamoed experience without breaking the bank or traveling for hours. My Boro Park and Midwood Extravaganzas managed to make both parents and children happy. As I looked around during both events, I was delighted to see that everybody, both young and old, was thoroughly enjoying themselves. This was truly simchas Yom Tov!”

Monthly Update From Assemblywomen Kim Eulner and Marilyn Piperno

This past month, we observed Yom HaShoah, Holocaust Remembrance Day, to honor the memory of the six million Jews and countless others brutally persecuted and murdered during World War II. As representatives of Monmouth County, home to a vibrant and resilient Jewish community, we are unequivocally devoted to stamping out anti-Semitism in any way we can and ensuring that the legacy of these victims is never forgotten.

To ensure the next generation is adequately informed of the atrocities of the Third Reich, we proudly support several pieces of legislation, such as A-4720, which requires the Commissioner of Education to distribute a survey to school districts regarding their Holocaust instruction. We are also taking further steps to combat anti-Semitism in our state by supporting AJR-211, which establishes a working definition of anti-Semitism in New Jersey, based on the International Holocaust Remembrance Alliance’s definition, as an analytical and educational tool.

Additionally, we are proud to support and work with various community schools and organizations, such as Hillel Yeshiva, Sephardic Bikur Holim (SBH), DSN, Hatzalah, and many others, to ensure a thriving and unified Jewish community. Through these collective efforts, we are showing that the abhorrent and hateful ideologies of the Nazi regime will never triumph.

By building strong, resilient community networks and supporting progressive education initiatives, we can take meaningful steps to eradicate anti-Semitism while upholding the pledge to “never forget,” and “never again” allow such systemic hatred to occur.

Community Highlights

Chazaq and Suki and Ding Bring Unprecedented Success with their Hol HaMoed Pesach Circus
It was an electrifying and joy-filled extravaganza as Chazaq, in partnership with Suki and Ding Productions, hosted two unforgettable Hol HaMoed Pesach circus events at Staten Island Mall. The performers captivated audiences of all ages, creating lasting memories for families during the holiday season.

The atmosphere was charged with excitement as families gathered under the big top to witness jaw-dropping acrobatics, thrilling stunts, and hilarious clown antics. The awe-inspiring performances left the audience on the edge of their seats, mesmerized by the incredible talents on display.

Adding to the excitement of the event were the special guest appearances by the renowned “Twins from France.” They brought their unique flair to the show, creating an unforgettable experience for everyone in attendance.

The energy reached its peak when popular Jewish music sensation “Nachas” took the stage for a special guest performance. His electrifying performance had the audience on their feet, clapping and dancing along to the catchy beats. “Nachas” brought his signature style and infectious energy to the circus, adding an extra layer of excitement to an already unforgettable event.

The Chazaq Organization, whose main mission is to provide fun and educational afterschool programs for Jewish public school students throughout the calendar year, worked tirelessly with Suki and Ding Productions to create a safe and enjoyable event for families to come together and celebrate during the holiday season. The meticulous planning, attention to detail, and dedication of the organizers and performers were evident in the flawless execution of the event.

Governor Phil Murphy Signs Bill to Review Holocaust Curriculum in NJ Public Schools

NJ Governor Phil Murphy

On Holocaust Remembrance Day, April 17, Governor Phil Murphy signed legislation (A4720) requiring the Commissioner of Education, in conjunction with the New Jersey Commission on Holocaust Education, to craft and distribute a survey for public schools relating to educational instruction on the Holocaust and genocide.

The survey will measure how each school district is meeting the State’s current requirement that every Board of Education include instruction on the Holocaust and genocide in an appropriate place in the curriculum of all elementary and secondary school students.

“By taking this action today, we are honoring the memory of the six million Jews and the millions of others murdered by the Nazis during the Holocaust,” Murphy said. “As we witness truth being stripped from education systems in other states and anti-Semitism on the rise across the country, our responsibility to future generations must be to lead by example and defend the promise with which our nation was founded – equality and freedom for all. This law guarantees that our children will be prepared with the knowledge and understanding necessary to learn from the mistakes of history and build a world that is stronger and more united than ever before.”

Primary sponsors of the bill include Senators Linda Greenstein and Vin Gopal and Assemblymembers Gary Schaer, Lisa Swain, and Robert Karabinchak.

“Given the recent spike in anti-Semitic attacks, it is imperative that we continue to modify our teaching methods to adequately convey the horrors of the Holocaust,” Greenstein said. “This law is a critical first step to collecting enough data and research to properly address any discrepancies or outdated Holocaust teaching materials.”

“We would like to thank the Legislature and Governor for supporting the Jewish Federations of New Jersey’s efforts in bolstering Holocaust Education throughout New Jersey,” said Harris Laufer, State Director Jewish Federations of New Jersey. “Education and awareness are among the most effective ways to stem the rising tide of anti-Semitism and hate. We look forward to continued advocacy and collaboration on combatting anti-Semitism and hate throughout New Jersey.”

Dear Jido – May 2023

Community Magazine

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May 2023

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Ask Jido

Dear Jido,

For over ten years, we have lived next door to our wonderful neighbors.

We’re great friends with the parents and we have been blessed to watch their two kids grow up. We count all four of them as family. Their children, now teenagers, are good kids and good students.

Over a year ago, we noticed that one of the teens had started vaping. We strongly suspect that the parents are unaware.

Our houses are close enough that we can see this young person vaping most evenings after dinner in one of the rooms upstairs (while leaving the shade open).

We know what smoking can lead to and we know that today’s flavored vaping products are designed to attract kids. We also know that both parents are both 100 percent against smoking.

We’re torn as to whether we should tell the parents about this, thereby ratting on this young person (who trusts and respects us), or, should we ask this kid to pull the shade down every night (in which case the kid will know we know what’s going on), which might inspire him to quit.

What do you think we should do?

Signed,

Concerned Neighbors

Dear Concerned,

I commend you on being so concerned with the welfare of your neighbors.

You are correct – vaping at his age can definitely lead to bigger problems – health, habit, or otherwise. It may not be his intention, but he may be on what is called a slippery slope for a variety of reasons beyond his control, even if he is a good kid.

Usually, speaking to someone about what someone else is doing wrong is classic lashon hara. However, in this case your clear intention is one of to’elet – to ultimately benefit the boy. So, it would seem to be permissible. 

But there is a big IF.

IF he is already doing things behind his parents’ backs, chances are by speaking to them about this you would only make matters worse between them, especially if they have already objected. 

My recommendation, therefore, is not to speak to the parents and not to tell him to pull down the shade. Rather, you should befriend him. Since you’ve been neighbors for so long, find an opportunity to speak to him alone and let him know how much you care about him. Be prepared with all of the statistics he is going to throw back at you that show how nothing bad is going to happen. Assure him this is not about facts and figures – it’s about trying to help someone you care about. 

Who knows, he just might be needing someone to talk to and you just might have that shoulder he’s been looking to cry on for over a year. 

Good luck,

Jido

Batter Up!

Community Magazine

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May 2023

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Preview of the Upcoming Brooklyn Men’s Softball League

Sam Sutton

Get ready for some incredible softball action because the Men’s Softball League is back and better than ever! As the league enters its 39th season, fans are gearing up to witness the incredible athleticism and skill of the players.

The League is highly competitive, and the players give it their all every week. With a range of ages and experience levels, the League is a great representation of our diverse community in Brooklyn. 

From fresh-faced newcomers like Jeffrey JUFA Dweck to veterans like Jackie Schweky, who has been playing in the league since 1984, the league is a true testament to the love of the game.

This year, each team took it upon themselves to sponsor one of our community’s charities to help bring awareness to these wonderful organizations.

Sephardic Bikur Holim, Sephardic Food Fund, Maskeel el Dal, CARE, SAFE, and the Community Assistance Fund are all represented.

Lemonheads

First up, we have the Lemonheads, led by young centerfielder Isaac Sasson and his cousin, shortstop Mordy Chrem. These two cousins have been playing together for years, and their dynamic on the field is undeniable. With Sasson’s lightning-fast speed and Chrem’s impressive fielding skills, the Lemonheads are a force to be reckoned with.

Supersonics

Next, we have the Supersonics, who are run by the talented pitcher Dan Braun. Braun’s arm is one of the best in the league, and his accuracy is unmatched. With his leadership and skill, the Supersonics are sure to give the other teams a run for their money.

The Constanzas

The Constanzas are up next, and they’re led by the veteran Swiss Army knife David Tawil. Tawil has been playing in the League for years and has proven himself to be one of the most versatile players on the field. Whether he’s playing infield or outfield, Tawil’s ability to adapt to any situation makes him a valuable asset to the team.

Goblins

The Goblins are also in the mix, with Isaac Cohen and his friends at the helm. These young players have a lot of energy and enthusiasm, and their love for the game is evident in their play. They may be newcomers to the league, but they’re definitely ones to watch.

Joe Who?

Joe Who? is another team that’s sure to impress. They’re led by the defensive shortstop Ralph Wamma Shamah, whose quick reflexes and impressive fielding have earned him a reputation as one of the best players in the league. With Shamah’s leadership and the team’s solid defense, Joe Who? is definitely a contender for the championship title.

Band of Brothers

Last but not least, we have the Band of Brothers, led by elite hitter Marc Richter and his brother, third baseman Albert Richter. These two brothers have been playing together for years, and their chemistry on the field is undeniable. With Marc’s incredible hitting and Albert’s solid fielding, the Band of Brothers is a team that can’t be overlooked.

Stay Tuned…

So, if you’re looking for an exciting way to spend your Sunday mornings, come out and show your support for the Brooklyn Men’s Softball League. Whether you’re a die-hard fan or a casual spectator, you’re sure to be impressed by the athleticism, skill, and passion of the players. The season promises to be one for the books, so don’t miss out on the action!

The Opportunity of a Lifetime

Community Magazine

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May 2023

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Imagine if somebody arranged a meeting with one of the most powerful and influential people in the world, giving us the opportunity to sit with that person and discuss anything we want for thirty minutes. How much money would such a meeting be worth to us?

To give us an idea of how much value people ascribe to such meetings, Rabbi Eisenman noted that on May 14, 2013, a bidding auction was held, and one of the prizes was having a cup of coffee with the CEO of Apple, Tim Cook, who was ranked by Forbes magazine as the 19^th most powerful man in the world. An anonymous bidder paid $610,000 for this privilege. Imagine – somebody paid over $600,000 to have a brief chat with another human being! This bidder likely hoped to improve his financial standings through this meeting. But imagine someone had a life-threatening medical condition that only the best physician in the world is able to treat. How much would the patient be willing to pay to have a meeting with that doctor? Imagine a country was bracing for war, and there was someone with a secret that could guaranteed them a swift, resounding victory. How much would the leaders be willing to pay to enlist that person’s help?

We are so fortunate that we can meet with the most powerful Being in the universe, the One Who creates cures that aren’t even yet in existence; Who is the Mater of Wars; and Who is capable of rescuing any person from any situation.

We can speak to Hashem at any time on any day. And not only do we not have to pay any money for the meeting, Hashem so desires that we speak to Him that He even rewards us when we call out to Him. Whenever a Jew has a problem and cries out to Hashem – he is credited with fulfilling an affirmative Torah command – the value is priceless. The person earns his reward for all eternity. And thus, every single “meeting” with Hashem is guaranteed success, regardless of whether we see the outcome we requested.

The Midrash Rabbah (Parashat Devarim) comments that sometimes Hashem wants to hear numerous tefillot from us before granting our request, because sincere, heartfelt prayer is so valuable and beneficial. But we must realize that the closer we get to completing all the prayers wanted from us, the more the evil inclination tries to dissuade us from praying. Our evil inclination puts in our minds thoughts like, Why should I bother praying again? I’ve been asking and asking, and nothing happened! The harder it gets to continue praying, the closer we are to being answered. And every tefillah we recite brings us immense benefit, if not today, then tomorrow, and if not tomorrow, then maybe in a year from now.

A grandson of the Steipler Gaon once informed his grandfather that he was on his way to the Kotel. The renowned Sage asked, “Please mention my name in your prayer.”

The grandson was astonished. “What? I have to mention you to Hashem? You are so much closer to Hashem than I am!”

“Please listen carefully,” the great Gaon said. “No prayer ever goes unanswered.”

It’s a fact of Creation. Every single word of prayer that leaves the mouth of a Jew accomplishes something – maybe not now or tomorrow, and maybe only in ten days or in a hundred years. But results are always effected.

We must take advantage of this priceless opportunity that is available to us at all times. We must never underestimate the power of tefillah. And we must pray, pray some more, and then pray again. Success is guaranteed.

Alternative Medicine – Modern vs. Old World Views

Community Magazine

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May 2023

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Alternative Medicine – Modern vs. Old World Views

Rabbi Haim Perlmutter

Judaism has always had a special and positive outlook regarding the field of medicine and to medicines. The Jew, with a disposition to hesed, has always tried to help the world by treating and offering relief to those suffering from disease. The Torah (Shemot 21:19) teaches, “Verapo yerape,” from which our sages infer that doctors are authorized to heal the sick. Indeed, many prominent Jews throughout our history, including such towering figures as the Rambam and the Ramban, made their living from practicing medicine.

The special place accorded by Judaism to curing and to medicine manifests itself in halachah in many ways. This article will discuss whether alternative medicine falls under the halachic definition of “medicine,” and the halachic ramifications of this question.

The formal halachic status of “medicine” is relevant for a number of different issues, including that of medical treatment on Shabbat. Halachah permits violating the Shabbat in order to cure a person whose life is in danger, yet halachah forbids taking medicine on Shabbat unless one is sick in bed or needs continuing treatment. Thus, something defined as “medicine” would be permitted for use on Shabbat in life-threatening situations, and would be forbidden for use on Shabbat in other circumstances. Conversely, measures taken that do not qualify as medical treatment would be generally permissible on Shabbat, but would be forbidden if they entail Shabbat violations, even for the sake of a gravely ill patient. Indeed, the Rama rules that one may transgress a Torah violation to treat a gravely ill patient only through procedures that are “proven” to succeed, or which are administered by a qualified doctor.[1]

Additionally, in light of the halachic requirement to care for one’s physical wellbeing, the halachic definition of “medicine” is crucial for determining one’s obligation to avail himself of medical treatments to maintain heath.

Rav Shlomo Aviner

Rav Shlomo Aviner[2] says that the Rama’s definition includes only doctors who are certified according to the conventional medical establishment. Therefore, he concludes that if a patient is told that he will die if he does not use conventional treatment for his disease, he may not elect to refrain from using that medicine and pursue non-conventional treatment. However, Rav Aviner concedes that if there was research indicating that the alternative procedure actually helps, there may be reason to reconsider. Similarly, if the medical establishment changes its attitude to certain alternative medicines, this change would give them more halachic validity. Rav Aviner does not address a situation in which conventional medicine has no solution and alternative medicine claims to solve the problem.

Rav Haim David Halevi

Rav Haim David Halevi, zt”l, (former Chief Rabbi of Tel Aviv) received a letter from someone inquiring about the possibility of using homeopathic medicines on Pesah. These medicines were alcohol-based, and since they were manufactured overseas, it was impossible to determine whether or not they were kosher for Pesah. The patient mentioned that he had previously brought this question to a different rabbi who said, “Homeopathic medicine cannot be regarded as valid or proven efficacious,” and added, “Using medical procedures that do not have a rational basis behind them is contrary to belief in Hashem, and can cause people to be open to all kinds of ideas that originate from idol worship and are in contrast to the way Hashem created his world.”

In an article on the subject[3], Rav Halevi set out to prove this rabbi wrong. He cited, among other sources, the Mishnah in Yoma regarding the case of one who is bitten by a “mad dog.” Rabbi Matya allows the patient to be fed a part of that dog‘s liver (which is obviously not kosher), whereas the other rabbis forbid this practice. Rashi explains that the ancients regarded the biting dog’s liver as an antidote, but since the medicinal value was not proven, the majority among the sages do not allow the patient to violate Torah law by eating the dog’s liver. The implication of Rashi’s comments, as Rav Halevi notes, is that if we were dealing with a kosher substance, it would be allowed to be given to the patient even though there is no rational basis for its medical benefits.[4] Accordingly, Rav Halevi concludes that one may use alternative cures even when no rational explanation for their efficacy exists, as long as no halachic violation is entailed.

Rav Neubert, Rav Shlomo Zalman, and Rav Elyashiv

A similar question was posed to a number of halachic authorities involving a cancer patient who was told there was no cure for his illness. In desperation, he decided he would invest considerable amounts of time, effort, and money to go to an alternative clinic in a different country for treatment. The question that arose was twofold: should one try to dissuade him from going, and should one refrain from giving tzedakah money to help him undergo this treatment?

Rav Yehoshua Neubert, zt”l, ruled that one should not try to dissuade the patient from seeking the alternative treatment, as hope is a vital part of overcoming illness, and the hope of recovery can itself prolong a patient’s life. As for the question of giving charitable donations to help fund the treatment, Rav Neubert ruled that tzedakah money may be donated for this cause, in disagreement with the view expressed by his mentor, Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, zt”l. Rav Shlomo Zalman ruled that charity money may not be used to provide alternative medication, though small amounts may be given for the purpose of bringing the patient a degree of emotional relief. Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashiv, zt”l, reportedly maintained that if the psychological effect of undergoing this treatment could help the patient live longer and with better quality of life, then one should give his charity money to this cause, even if the treatment offers no direct medical benefit.[5]

The Permissibility of “Irrational” Medication

As for the lack of rational explanation for the efficacy of much of alternative medicine, Rav Yehudah Shaviv[6] notes a seeming contradiction in the Rambam’s writings. On one hand, the Rambam codifies the Mishnah’s ruling that one may walk in a public domain on Shabbat while wearing a fox’s tooth or the nail from a crucified person, as these were considered remedies and may therefore be worn on Shabbat.[7] On the other hand, the Rambam elsewhere[8] expresses the view that irrational healing practices may not be used, and doing so violates the prohibition of darche ha’Emori (following the ways of the gentiles). The question thus arises, what justification can there be for walking in public on Shabbat wearing articles such as a fox’s tooth, if halachah forbids using them for medicine?

The Rashba[9], as Rav Shaviv cites, explains that if experience has proven the benefit or effectiveness of non-conventional treatments, then they may be used, even if we have no rational explanation for why they are medically beneficial. The Meiri[10] adds that once the masses attribute medicinal value to a certain remedy, this perception lends the remedy psychological value, which itself justifies its use. In any event, Rav Shaviv himself urges people to reject irrational medicinal procedures and to adhere to scientifically proven measures.

The general consensus among the aforementioned scholars is that one should not violate a Torah prohibition for the sake of utilizing these medical treatments. If one has a particular reason to believe that such a remedy could be beneficial, either in light of research and experimentation, or in terms of the psychological benefit, a competent halachic authority should be consulted.

Changing Attitudes in Medicine

It must be emphasized that the articles cited above were written when very few alternative medicine treatments had any scientific validation. To illustrate how conventional medical wisdom has changed since that time, we should note Rav Aviner’s comment that it is acceptable to follow alternative medicine’s “unproven” belief that white flour and sugar cause health problems – a belief which has since been proven clinically and is widely accepted by the conventional medical establishment. Additionally, conventional doctors are now prescribing homeopathic remedies, and the Israeli health services have introduced non-conventional medicine into their clinics. The halachic response to alternative medicine must therefore be updated in light of the significant changes that we are witnessing in the field of medicine. As Rav Aviner himself said, if the attitude of conventional science changes, then so will that of the rabbis.

I would like to conclude with an anecdote from my personal experience. A number of years ago I suffered from dry eyes, and the conventional eye doctor told me to put in a drop of artificial tears every hour. My cornea was so dry I had scratches on it. A non-conventional natural practitioner recommended that I use castor oil, and I found that if I put it in the eye just once a day, the relief lasted the entire day. When I went back to the doctor, she looked in my eyes and couldn’t believe what she saw. She said, “What are you doing for your eyes? The scratches vanished! Whatever you are doing – continue.”

Disclaimer: This article is not to be used for practical halachic decisions. For practical guidance, please consult your personal rabbi.

Rabbi Haim Perlmutter is a rabbi and educator. He is author of “Tools for Tosafos” and “Grow With Gemara – A Hands on Guide to Improve Gemara Skills”(published by Targum Press).

Footnotes:

[1] Rama, Y.D. 155:3.

[2] Asya, 9, pp. 90-130.

[3] Techumin, volume 3, pp. 72-73.

[4] According to another version of the Mishnah, Rabbi Yossi is the one who allows eating the dog’s liver, while Rabbi Meir prohibits doing so. As halachah follows Rabbi Yossi’s view in his disputes with Rabbi Meir, we may have an even stronger basis for permitting such remedies.

[5] Nishmat Avraham (Y.D. 155). It was obvious to both the questioner and to the rabbi that there was no chance that the alternative medicine would actually cure the cancer.

[6] Techumin, vol. 19, pp. 411-416.

[7] Hilchot Shabbat 19:13. The Rambam clearly followed the version of the text of the Mishnah cited above, note 4.

[8] Guide for the Perplexed, 3;37. See also Hilchot Avodat Kochavim, chapter 11.

[9] Responsa, vol. 1, 413.

[10] Shabbat 66b. It must be emphasized that the Meiri advanced this theory to explain why such practices are permissible; this does not mean that one may violate Torah law for the sake of employing these methods.

Spotlight On Mental Health – Help Me Help Them!

Community Magazine

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May 2023

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Spotlight On Mental Health – Help Me Help Them!

Dr. Yossi Shafer

As a parent, a spouse, a sibling, or a friend, there are few situations more heartbreaking and difficult than watching your loved one ruin their life, fall victim to addiction, or succumb to depression. All you want to do – understandably – is to force him or her into therapy, make them see reason, and to fix the problems.

However, as counterintuitive as it may seem, your solutions are most likely to push them further into the abyss.

Do Nothing

This is where the “do nothing” concept takes on new meaning – and new urgency. When someone we love is in crisis, it’s only natural to focus on finding solutions, leaving no stone unturned until things change. But when you’ve already exhausted the possible solutions and all you have to show for it is further deterioration, it’s time to try (what may seem to be) a radically different approach.

One of the core concepts of dialectical behavior therapy is the balance of acceptance and change: practicing full and unconditional acceptance while simultaneously aiming for change. When it comes to changing others, though, the old adage rings true: change comes from within. Therefore, it is crucial for us on the “outside” to provide the acceptance and support that will give our loved ones the strength and wherewithal to change.

Think about it this way: whatever you’ve tried hasn’t made a (positive) difference. You’ve told him over and over to get a job, and he’s still wasting his time and talents. You prod her out of bed every morning (and afternoon) but then she stays there all day. You’ve made it clear that you disapprove of his friends and he still hangs out with them. You’ve advised, begged, threatened, grounded, revoked privileges… and all that’s changed is that she won’t talk to you now. 

But here’s the thing: he knows what he should be doing. She knows what you want. What they are definitely craving is your love and acceptance, and it’s crucial that you give it to them, even when it takes extreme self-restraint. Every person has a drive for life, a drive to fulfill their purpose. In a low-pressure, accepting environment, they’ll recognize and pursue that drive for life and the drive to fulfill their purpose.

Provide a Safe Haven

When a person, especially a child, is dealing with complex issues, they have very little meaningful presence in their lives. They don’t have school, friends, stability – all that they have is you and your love. Without that, their lives automatically take a severe turn for the worse. Your love and a safe, secure home can literally spell the difference between life – as tumultuous as it may be – and death.

In this situation, doing nothing means simply being there. It means not telling them how they can improve their life, urging them to see a therapist, or encouraging them to “just try to get out a bit, you’ll feel better.” It means quashing your instincts to point out how everything could be remedied by following your advice. It means not allowing every interaction to cycle back to the source of the problem (“You sleep because you’re depressed! You’re depressed because you don’t have a job! If you’d just get help, your life would turn around!”).

This isn’t what your child wants – or needs – to hear. They don’t want solutions or advice. When you offer advice, they hear “you’re not good enough.” The problem-solving pushes them away, suffocates them, alienates them. All they want is to be heard, loved, and supported, even when it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do. So many children hope to reconcile and rekindle a relationship, but are hesitant to reach out due to the fear of being pushed away or smothered with well-intentioned pressure.

While you practice acceptance, never give up hope for change someday – but don’t press for change. Don’t sneak in little helpful tips. Don’t drop hints. Don’t offer the advice that you know will make a huge difference. Never say “I told you so” when things go south. Spend unpressured time with him or her, be a listening ear and a solid presence, and when you create that supportive, loving environment, they will turn to you instead of a therapist or friend. 

No parent is perfect, and you’ll never get it right 100% of the time. But when you tune in to your child’s emotional state – rather than the obnoxious, ungrateful, or disrespectful behavior that masks it – you’ll recognize his pain and approach the relationship with care and love rather than frustration and anger.

Next month, we’ll address the characteristics of anger, how to manage it, and its underlying causes.

Disclaimer: if your loved one is in immediate physical danger, address it without any concern of collateral damage.

Dr. Yossi Shafer, PhD is the clinical director and a clinical psychologist at Empower Health Center, a private practice of multispecialty psychotherapists. They have offices in Deal/Long Branch and Lakewood and can be reached at (732) 666-9898 or office@empowerhealthcenter.net.

The Revelation and Us

Community Magazine

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May 2023

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This month, we will again celebrate the brief but joyous festival of Shavuot, which is described in our liturgy as “zeman matan Toratenu – the day on which the Torah was given.” It was on this day when our ancestors assembled at the foot of Mount Sinai and beheld the spectacle of Gd’s revelation and the pronouncement of the Ten Commandments. They would have heard the rest of the Torah, as well, if not for their having been terrified by the awesome display, leading them to ask Moshe to receive the rest of Gd’s commands privately, and then relay the information to them.

An Obligation to Remember

Forty years later, before his death, Moshe impressed upon the people the unique importance of remembering this seminal event. He commanded: “But guard yourself, and exercise extreme care for your soul, lest you forget the things which your eyes beheld, and lest they be removed from your heart all the days of your life, and you shall make them known to your children and to your grandchildren – the day when you stood before Hashem your Gd at Horev…” (Devarim 4:9-10).

In especially emphatic terms (“But guard yourself, and exercise extreme care for your soul”), Moshe warned the people that they must always remember and never forget the dramatic event of Ma’amad Har Sinai, Gd’s revelation at Mount Sinai.

Accordingly, the Ramban, in his critique of the Rambam’s listing of the 613 Biblical commands, asserts that these verses introduce a Torah obligation to remember these events. Following the well-established tradition that the expressions “hishamer” (“guard”) and “pen” (“lest”) imply a Biblical prohibition, the Ramban maintains that the Torah here forbids allowing ourselves to forget about Ma’amad Har Sinai, commanding us “not to remove it from our minds, and that instead our eyes and hearts must be there every day.”

The Ramban elaborates at great length in explaining the reason behind this command, focusing on the fact that our ancestors personally received direct communication from Gd, rather than hearing His word only secondhand, from a prophet. If the Torah had been given to us secondhand, the Ramban writes, then it could, conceivably, be subject to uncertainly and questioning. At some later point, a different prophet could come along, provide convincing proof that he received the word of Gd, and declare that the original set of laws that we received was faulty, based on errors. If the Torah from the outset had been communicated to us solely through a prophet, then we would have no reason to favor the original transmission of the Torah over a subsequent transmission via a different prophet. Therefore, the Ramban writes, it is a matter of vital importance that we remember Gd’s direct revelation to our ancestors, as it ensures our everlasting commitment to the Torah received at Sinai, protecting it from future challenges or revisions.

The Rambam’s Timeless Epistle

As mentioned, the Ramban advances this theory in his critique of the Rambam’s Sefer Hamitzvot – listing of the Torah’s 613 commands. The Ramban claimed that the Rambam made a number of mistakes in compiling this list, including laws which do not constitute independent mitzvot, and omitting others that do. The Rambam does not include in his list of the mitzvot a command to remember the event of Ma’amad Har Sinai, and the Ramban objects, noting the aforementioned verses in which the Torah very emphatically demands that we never forget this event.

How would the Rambam respond to this challenge? It is possible that the Rambam does not require us to remember the event of Ma’amad Har Sinai each day? How would he then explain Moshe’s unequivocal demand that we always remember the Revelation?

In truth, the Rambam makes his view on this subject very clear, in a separate context – in one of his famous letters, known as Iggeret Teiman – Epistle to Yemen.

The Jewish community of Yemen turned to the Rambam for help as they struggled against mounting pressure from Muslim tribes to abandon their faith, and a false prophet who arose and claimed that he had been sent to introduce substantial emendations to Jewish law. In 1273/4, the Rambam penned a letter reaffirming and reinforcing the traditional beliefs of Judaism, in order to strengthen the Yemenite Jewish community in their struggle against the forces of apostasy.

In this letter, the Rambam places great emphasis on the Revelation, and, citing the aforementioned verses, implores the community to teach their children about this event. Like the Ramban, the Rambam writes that the event of Ma’amad Har Sinai constitutes the foundation of our faith, emphasizing that the perpetuation of its memory safeguards the Jewish Nation against subsequent challenges to its beliefs and principles. Quite explicitly, then, the Rambam, like the Ramban, acknowledges the vital importance of remembering the Revelation at Sinai as part of the effort to solidify Jewish faith, avoid any doubts or uncertainties, and resist any challenges.

We must wonder, then, why does the Rambam not list this command as one of the Torah’s 613 mitzvot?

The answer becomes clear upon a more careful reading of the Rambam’s remarks to the people of Yemen, and their contrast with the Ramban’s comments.

The Ramban, as discussed, sees the Revelation as safeguarding our belief in the Torah’s authenticity and eternal relevance. The Rambam, however, goes further, depicting this event as “the pillar around which our faith revolves.” For the Rambam, all of Jewish faith is affirmed by Ma’amad Har Sinai. It reinforces and safeguards our belief not only in the authenticity of the Torah, but also in Gd’s existence, and it was then when the entire nation beheld a prophetic vision and clearly experienced Him. According to the Rambam, then, remembering the Revelation is of critical importance not only for the particular belief in the eternal immutability of the Torah, but also for our belief in Gd Himself.

This easily explains why the Rambam does not allocate a separate mitzvah for the obligation to remember the Revelation at Sinai. The Rambam already lists as the very first of the Torah’s 613 commands the obligation to believe in Gd – an obligation introduced as the first of the Ten Commandments pronounced at Sinai: “I am Hashem your Gd who took you out of the land of Egypt…” Remembering the Revelation is crucial as a way to safeguard this belief, but it does not need to be listed as a separate command, because we are already commanded to firmly belief in Gd’s existence.

Remembering the Details

One question, however, remains.

The Mishnah in Pirkeh Avot (3:8) appears to advance a much different understanding of Moshe’s warning not to forget “the things that your eyes beheld” at the time of the Revelation. According to the Mishnah, this command forbids us from forgetting our Torah knowledge:

“Whoever forgets one thing from what he had learned, he is considered by the verse as though he risks his life, as it says, ‘But guard yourself, and exercise extreme care for your soul, lest you forget the things which your eyes beheld.’”

The Mishnah infers from this verse that we are bidden to remember not the event of the Revelation, but rather the content of the Torah presented at that event. We must make every effort to remember every piece of Torah material that we are privileged to study, and never allow ourselves to forget even a single detail.

Does this Mishnah not contradict both the Rambam and Ramban’s understanding of this verse, that it introduces a command to remember the event of Ma’amad Har Sinai?

Rav Yitzchak Hutner (1906-1980) explains that these interpretations of the verse are, in fact, one and the same. If we would fully recognize, appreciate and internalize the eternal significance of the Revelation, then we would never forget any of the content presented to us at that time. If Matan Torah meant as much to us as it should, then we would be incapable of forgetting the details. If we understood the centrality of the Torah in Jewish life, then every piece of information we absorb would be forever cherished and never lost.

Of course, it cannot be reasonably expected of any of us to achieve the level where we never forget any words of Torah. We all have our limitations, and we will not retain every piece of information. We can, however, strive – especially this month, as we celebrate the event of Ma’amad Har Sinai – to enhance our appreciation of the importance of Torah, of the precious value of every verse, of every halachah, of every insight, and of every commentary. The observance of Shavuot must remind us of the inestimable worth and sanctity of Torah, and lead us to recommit ourselves to not only seize every opportunity we have to learn, but also appreciate its importance so that we treasure every piece of information that we imbibe.

Let us try to avoid the all-too-common mistake of making this holiday all about scrumptious dairy dishes and desserts, or turning it into a “long weekend.” Let us instead reflect upon the fact that on this day, for the only time in human history, Gd revealed Himself to a people to give them His guide for living a life of spiritual meaning, and for building a close bond with Him. If we take advantage of this unique celebration to enhance our appreciation of the value of Torah, we will, please Gd, emerge from Shavuot with a fierce, passionate commitment to rigorously apply ourselves to its study, and to live by its profound wisdom, each day of our lives.